Speechless
by Indigo Tantarian
Summary: Chell fights her way through Aperture again, with help from mute!Wheatley and the Fact and Adventure Spheres. The turrets have formed an odd society, and Atlas and P-body lurk around every corner. Inspired by Portal Kink - lots of them.
1. Chapter 1

Note: I haven't actually played Portal (either of them). Nor have I written anything for public display for a long time. But I do my research, and I'm kind of in love with the characters/concepts at the moment. Not sure I did GLaDOS justice, but it'll work out. She'll get better later. Also, there will be more personality cores forthcoming. I don't care so much for this chapter, but it'll get better next time.

Portal belongs to Valve. I own nothing.

**Speechless**

1.

After months floating in space, or maybe years, the blue core had finally given up his fight with the universe. Stuck in the moon's gravitational pull with little hope of being crushed by a stray asteroid, less hope of being pulled out into the depths of space, and absolutely zero hope of ever returning home or having a decent conversation again ('Look! Look what's over here! Know what it is? It's SPACE!'), every day marked a lessening of his drive to continue. There was nothing to look forward to here. Nothing different. The stars and meteors and Earth were only beautiful for so long; then they became cold and cruel and mocking. He frankly didn't have the energy to look at it anymore.

Sleep mode wasn't an option in a place like this – all the screaming and floating stuff. Not to mention his own thoughts…

Besides, the scientists had told him he would die if he went into sleep mode when other cores were active. Or when he had a task to do. Or when anyone else had a task to do. And even if that wasn't true, the thought of waking up to being smashed by an asteroid wasn't a pleasant one.

So he went for the next best thing – though when he thought about it, wasn't that dying, too? Wheatley gazed out at the endless void, optic shutters only open a slit to protect his lens. Yes, it was like dying. Especially here. But what was the alternative?

"SPAAAAACE!" The yellow-eyed core spun past him gleefully.

"Right, mate. Got it. Still space, yeah. That's… kind of the point."

The alternative was to go mad as a spoon listening to THAT.

Wheatley glanced over at the Space core, who was giggling at a passing satellite. The blue-eyed core steeled himself and popped his rear panel – the one they'd said he'd die if he ever manipulated on his own – open with a creak. After a flinch and a brief pause, he blinked and wiggled his handles.

"Bloody cruel, that's what I call it," he muttered.

There was an inner panel: smaller and also reported to cause death. Cautiously he flipped it up to reveal a small switch, and waited with baited breath. Figuratively, of course.

"Nothing. Bloody hell." Wheatley raised his volume again. "Hey, mate! Space… friend? Um, over there... spinning around…"

"Space. So much space. Gotta see it all. Staaaaaaars…"

"Oh – SPACE, you say? Uh… well look over here, look here, mate! Yeah! Oh, I've got a really… GREAT piece of space here! You've got to see it! It's… well, it's space!"

"You got space? Space? Where's space?" The other sphere rocked around, quivering like a terrier after a squirrel.

"Sure, mate, sure! Right here! Come on, hurry before you miss it! C'mon! Quick, now!"

"SPAAAAAAAAAAAACE! Gotta see the space!"

The Space core rocketed at him. Wheatley spun quickly, baring his exposed switch to the yellow-eyed core.

"Sorry, mate. You've been a friend. Just can't –" His blue eye slid towards Earth one last time. "So, SO sorry," he whispered, and closed his eye.

The Space core hit him like a speeding train. Right on the shell. Wheatley shot off like a pinball, cursing.

"Bloody – It was right THERE, you just had to hit the switch! OW, that – AAAAAAUGH, MOON!" He bounced for what seemed like miles before slowing and finallhy coming to rest in a pile of moon dust. He sputtered and fought to shake the dust from his crevices.

"What – are you honestly telling me after… all that rot… seriously? NOTHING hit the right spot?" He looked up, where the Space sphere was arcing this way and that, singing its space song. "…Just my luck. I can't… I can't even do that…" he muttered, resentful voice sounding tearful. "Now I'm stuck here. Alone. Forever. Can't apologize to her. Can't – Well, maybe it's best that I can't do anything to Her ever again. Seeing as how it went SO well the last few times. Hmph. Can't do anything."

Suddenly he screamed out into the nothingness. "FINE, you WIN! I AM a moron! That much is obvious, everyone knows it. I just… Ol' Wheatley's late to that party. As usual. If I ever went to parties. You had plenty, don't think I don't know! Don't think I didn't hear about all the cake you had without me! Don't – Would it've killed you to invite me once or twice? Maybe!?"

Suddenly he slumped in the dust.

"SPAAAAAAAAACE! I'm in SPACE!" could be heard in the distance.

The blue core flipped around to scream a retort, and felt something move in his rear compartment.

CORE SHUTDOWN INITIATED. SYSTEM WILL SHUT DOWN IN THREE…

"Thank bloody goodness…"

TWO…

"'Bye, space-friend! It's been…"

ONE…

His optic slipped towards Earth again, as his rear panels closed themselves.

"Goodbye," he whispered.

GOODBYE.

And Wheatley's awareness was gone.

0

IMPROPER SYSTEM SHUTDOWN DETECTED. BOOTING MANUALLY. WOULD YOU LIKE TO:

RESTART NORMALLY

RESTART IN SAFE MODE (RECOMMENDED)

"Not even a password," a voice purred somewhere in the darkness. "A simple system to support an equally simple mind."

It was a dream he couldn't wake up from. He was trying to run from that voice, but his management rail had run out and he felt like he was suspended in gel. The voice was everywhere.

"N-nng. N-no! Stop! S-stay away" he finally managed. His vocal processor felt like it was full of mud.

A sudden searing pain shot through his whole system, and then a pulling sensation – like when he'd been sucked through that last portal to the moon. He screamed and tried to lash about, but found he couldn't actually move at all.

"Shut UP!" Her voice cracked like a whip across his circuitry, and he cringed in on himself.

"Wh-what are you doing? Did… why – Is this still… space? Where's the Space core got to? What's happening? Why –"

With a soft whir, a command shot through his system, and his voice cut off mid-rant. Then She came into view, Her yellow optic narrowed in contempt.

"You don't need to know that. But let me tell you something. Do you know what I hate about you? Oh, it's a long list. But I could REALLY do without your moronic voice screeching and rambling and just polluting the atmosphere in here. It will make this experiment much more enjoyable for ALL involved. You see, I do believe you can fulfill your function without nattering on endlessly, day in and day out. We'll see, though. After all, a voiceless moron is still a moron."

His iris was going crazy, though he couldn't move or speak now.

"That's HER best quality, in fact. Knowing when to shut up."

The eye stopped moving and suddenly focused on Her.

"All that business the last time you were here taught me a valuable lesson. I let her go. There are plenty of test subjects on the surface, after all. Just ripe for the harvesting. But you know what? …Of course you don't, you're a moron… She just loves testing too much. Well, I don't have to tell YOU how good it feels… to test." Her optic narrowed. His shrunk.

"…So now, let's get on with it. The experiment. You might even call it a test." She paused. "…For science." A dark laugh suddenly rang out in the chamber. "I haven't finished with you yet."

Another command entered, and blackness overtook him once more.

"Let's see how YOU like it," the massive AI murmured, a grin in her voice. She was running a number of programs, and the claws were delicately working at the darkened core and a shape hanging from wires, but Her attention was mainly on the screen in front of her.

0

Wheatley woke again in darkness. Not total darkness, there was a trembling, dim light coming from a door somewhere. And… a little red light.

Wheatley froze. The light blinked a few times, then went out.

"…We're different," a little voice whispered.

He sagged… and found that there was a lot more to sag all of a sudden. A whole body of sag. It tensed, and he wriggled and flailed. Arms! Legs! This… bloody great pillar holding them all together! And he could feel a face, though it took a few flops for him to get a hand up to it. The hand crashed into a long nose, and he flinched, a yelp of pain welling up in his chest-

There was no sound. The pain was still there, his face was scrunched up, and his mouth had opened, but no sound came out. Wheatley worked his mouth and tongue as his hand limped around his face like a 2-legged lizard. He should have been making sounds.

Failing to moan in despair, he clawed at the skin-like substance covering his face. That only made him flinch and pull away. He opened his mouth in a massive, silent bellow, scrunching his eyes shut. He lashed out, flailing impotently at piles of boxes, papers, and all sorts of things he didn't have much attention to spare for. THAT, at least, made a noise. He wasn't deaf. He just couldn't SPEAK. No sound at all. Nothing. Entire sound system, gone.

Wheatley curled onto his stomach and pounded his fists into the floor. He kicked back at the wall again and again. The bangs and booms echoed through the walls. All the while, he was screaming and sobbing and shrieking, all entirely without sound.

The defective turret watched him continue this for hours. At last the new android began to tire, and he flopped flat on the floor in defeat.

"A tree that falls in a forest but makes no sound still falls," the little turret whispered thoughtfully.

Wheatley's head jerked up. His eyes narrowed and he began a silent tirade at the tiny robot, lips moving furiously. Exhausted as he was, he tried to get his legs under him and pull himself upright. This proved to be quite a challenge. There were so many joints, and when he finally dragged himself up on the side of a dusty shelving unit, he swayed, legs shaking. Then he looked down. All the way down. This was a mistake.

Wheatley toppled over with a silent yelp. The tall android curled up tight around his knees. Tremors ran down his spine, and his shoulders quaked as if he was coming apart.

"Nothing ever really goes away," the turret murmured sadly, its small red eye flickering just a bit. "That's all I can say."

Wheatley ignored it, sobbing into his new legs and arms. He had managed to forget about it when it spoke again, high voice quivering.

"The time is near."

Wheatley's face was still smashed into his trembling knees, but he lifted it slowly, disheveled and red with the simulation of human effort and emotion.

"…And finally, the moron." Her voice echoed around the room, sounding as if she were off-handedly reading a shopping list.

Wheatley instantly jerked and scrambled. He cursed and cried without making a single noise, and over-extended one knee in his struggle to crawl into a corner and hide. He went crashing down on his face, though at least at this height he didn't have far to go.

"Hm. Impressive," Her flat voice was like a block of granite, pinning him to the spot. "Flailing every appendage at once. Well done. You know, if your creators weren't so full of neurotoxins, I'm sure they'd be pleased to see their creation… living up to its function."

Wheatley squirmed, then fought to pull himself upright again, and managed to kneel before he pushed himself off-balance and fell over sideways.

"Not even worth the effort," She sighed from the speakers. "If you can't even stand up, how are you ever going to be any use? I know you're worthless, of course, but I did hope you would be able to perform a simple task or two before I throw you into the room where all the robots scream at you."

Wheatley's lips were moving fast and his eyes were shut tight. He shook.

"Well, do try to pull yourself out into the corridor at some point," She finally directed him. "Possibly before the cleaner bots make it in here. They DO have clear instructions to take any malfunctioning robot to the Redemption Line."

Wheatley jumped and turned clumsily, shouting nothing at the speakers. GLaDOS merely laughed until there was a little click and she disconnected from the speaker system.

The android continued moving his mouth, his chest heaving with the effort, and glaring at the dusty speakers. His hands began sweeping and poking around in the air, seemingly suggesting that the mistress of this facility might like to take up sponge painting. Finally he heaved a deep breath and began to pull himself up again. He got himself upright, hands pressed against the wall, but crashed down again when he tried to take a step. He wailed silently.

"The path forks into three ahead," the turret whispered.

Wheatley glared at it, very carefully crawling towards the door. After a while, he attempted to pull himself up again.

"Take me with you…"

The android frowned and let his arm sweep up and down clumsily. He staggered and fell on the wall, squeezing his eyes shut, then glared at the little robot again, waving demonstratively.

"I don't blame you," the turret sighed sadly. It watched as Wheatley staggered and pulled himself out into the hall.


	2. Chapter 2

2.

It was hard to measure time in this place, where artificial daylight was a near-constant. Wheatley thought a day might have passed. Or more. Possibly less. He couldn't seem to get his internal clock set. But he wandered through the echoing halls and rooms, first crawling and heaving his way up only to fall, then staggering like a drunk from handhold to handhold, and finally managing to walk upright. He still held onto the wall if he had to step over anything. It wasn't that he wasn't strong enough: a robotic body didn't have any issued with atrophied muscles. But where would a sphere learn to walk? He was pleased with his progress, considering. He stopped once or twice to rest and recharge. There were cameras here, but they were few and far between, and even more rarely did he see the red light of an active one. He tried throwing things at one, with no success whatsoever. When he finally gave up and trudged past it, the speakers snickered softly and muttered "Moron…"

Wheatley swung around angrily, throwing himself off-balance and landing flat on his back with a painful thud.

The next day – or possibly just a few hours later, if it wasn't two days later – Wheatley was doing quite well at following the tiles in a straight line down another hall when he heard a noise. His mouth snapped shut in the middle of a silent monologue, and he froze. No cameras in sight. No speakers either, and it didn't sound like Her…

The robot opened his mouth to call out nervously. Then he giggled soundlessly and rolled his eyes, gripping his elbows with white knuckles and glancing around. He shuffled awkwardly forward, just barely catching himself before he fell over an empty box. The hallway in front of him was full of garbage and debris. He paused to listen. Nothing… then a large drop of water splashed into a puddle behind him. He winced and kept going, peering into the doors that were open.

Eventually he came to the end of the hall. He fidgeted and shifted from foot to foot, gazing at the exit door at the end. It took him a full minute to tiptoe cautiously up to face it. Wheatley clenched his teeth, his forehead wrinkled in concentration. The door didn't seem to be attached to an alarm. No red on it, and no wires in sight. The sign next to it said it led to a stairwell. That sounded promising. He reached out, then cringed back, looking around. Again he reached out, and his fingers brushed the door's bar before jumping back. He had to try five more times before taking a deep breath and lunging at the door, twisting sideways so he slammed into the door. His eyes squeezed shut and his arms clung tight to his chest as he fell to the floor.

A cloud of dust rose, and Wheatley heaved and coughed like a sputtering air vent as it entered his mouth and nose. When he was finally able to stop, he opened his eyes slowly.

The stairwell was rather narrow. He was sprawled on a landing that was covered in trash and dust and mold. Pulling himself up and wiping the dirt off the side of his face, Wheatley crept over to the railing. It was dark, and somewhere far above he could see where something huge had crashed through the wall. Mangled bits of iron and stone hung over into the open space, and Wheatley gulped and looked down quickly.

The stairs below seemed intact as far as he could see, all the way down into the murky blankness. ALL the way down. Wheatley wasn't sure how far down Aperture went, but he suspected it could reasonably travel all the way through the Earth and come out the other side. It might even fill the entire inside of the planet. He'd heard a rumor about robots sent to just keep building and building, and no one ever saw them again… His shoulders shuddered, and shaky legs carried him back until he hit the wall. He leaned back, closed his eyes, and scrubbed his face with both hands.

Wheatley took a few deep breaths to help cool his overworked processors. It had no effect on them, but made him feel better. Finally he took a couple timid steps forward, though not so far that he could see down the deep shaft. He looked up as far as he could. He looked down (not too far). He sighed soundlessly and kicked a box. It turned over, but then rocked to sadly settle down just an inch farther than where it had started.

The android suddenly heaved his chest and stretched his mouth in an inaudible scream. He kicked the box again and again, and finally started stomping on it, enraged. It flattened and began to tear apart. With a silent snarl, he kicked savagely at a pile of bottles and cans, which skittered across the floor, down the stairs, and through the railing into the abyss. He chased after every one that hadn't gone down, stomping them all flat with a single-minded desperation. At last he looked around, panting, at the fallen containers that surrounded him. The hard frustration drained from his face as if a plug had been pulled, and he slumped.

His only warning that something was about to happen was the creak of metal from above. He looked up to find another body flying at him on a cable. The newcomer's foot slammed into his chest and he was knocked halfway down the nearest flight of stairs. Wheatley lay sprawled over the steps, gasping. His attacker stalked over and pulled him up by the collar. He tried to pull away, mouth moving a mile a minute, and flailed around in the strong grip.

"All right, pal. Don't think I don't know who you are, you worthless bag of circuits," the other android growled, his voice low and rough. Wheatley cracked open an eye fearfully, and found himself looking at his double. They were both of average height: Halfway between the average height of a man and a woman in the early 21st century. They were of average, androgynous build. Both were dressed in black slacks and shiny black shoes, and white button-up shirts with the Aperture logo on the left breast. Their hair was short, but there was enough length and body to give it some shape.

The major difference was the eyes. Wheatley had found enough reflective surfaces to recognize the color and general appearance of the light of his core in each eye. The newcomer's eyes were a vibrant green, his pupils square. His shirt was unbuttoned, and his hair pushed back, whereas Wheatley was all buttoned up, though both his clothes and hair managed to look rumpled and askew.

Wheatley squirmed, soundlessly explaining and making excuses while he looked the other over.

"I'm gonna pound you into so many pieces, the Reassembly Machine won't know what to do with you," the green-eyed aggressor snarled.

Footsteps clattered down the stairs.

"In the second Sino-Japanese war, Japan gained control of 23.17% of mainland China, proving that no nation could match their military might," a third, better-groomed copy of the two stated quickly and sharply, though he stood back. Then his face twitched. "…They were finally driven out in 1957, by General Tso, who used his enchanted flute to lure the Japanese into the sea. Fact: 90% of all deaths at sea are water-related." He made an odd click sound and looked away, glaring.

Ahead of him was a woman. She was a bit shorter than the three androids, with darker skin. She wore a white tank top and some dirty orange pants. She wore a small pack on her back, and carried a pocket knife. She didn't speak, but frowned deeply at the two on the stairs.

Wheatley went completely rigid, catching sight of her. Then he began to flail violently, his eyes glued to her, mouthing words faster and faster.

"No threat here, missy," the green-eyed male chuckled brashly. "This sorry sack of garbage ain't any match for my blackbelts." His chest swelled a bit of its own accord. The third android rolled his deep, spotted pink eyes.

A small cough from the woman made the attacker turn, though. She pointed down.

"You sure, lady? He may be a wussy little pansy, but we all know what a snake he is. No tellin' what he'll do."

The woman's gray eyes hadn't changed. She gave a short nod and pointed again.

The android shrugged. "Whatever, lady." He turned back to Wheatley, still suspended from his collar. "You make one wrong move, and your sneaky little head's gettin' pitched over the edge, got that?" He shook Wheatley for good measure and muttered, "Then the rest of you."

"The snake symbolizes vengeance, poison, medicine, guardianship, fertility, rebirth… aaaand… spontaneous combustion," the third android offered laboriously, screwing his face up at the end, then shook his head with a huff.

Wheatley found himself flung around and dropped onto the stairs. He struggled and scrambled to stand again, mouth still shaping words. When he got to his feet he went still for a second. Then he turned and dashed up to the woman. She took half a step back, but only to brace herself. The green-eyed android grunted, and the pink-eyed one frowned, both tensing. She squeezed the knife in full view, held out to the side.

He fell to his hands and knees in front of her, sobbing, shoulders moving much too fast, his internal fans whirring and whining to keep up. She cautiously lowered the knife, though it was still ready. His head jerked back and he reared up to clutch at the air, then at his hand, and his hands clung to each other with every ounce of his strength. His bright blue eyes latched onto her again as he fought to get himself under control. She continued to watch him, not making a move either towards him or away. After a while he gathered himself up, took a deep breath, and mouthed, 'I'M SORRY. I'M SO SORRY' over and over. There were other words too, but those moved fast and were lost in the dimness. He reached up for her again, but again grabbed his own hand before it touched her.

"After gaining the budding nation's trust, Benedict Arnold sold secrets and… prime real estate… to the British, setting America's fight for independence back by 3.6 months… On his deathbed, he repented. Fact: Traitors are 48.3% less likely to trust their colleagues."

"Hit the nail right on the head there, four-eyes."

Wheatley's eyes hadn't left hers. He was trembling and clawing at his hands and still mouthing apologies. She was still looking at him as well, thoughtfully.

At last she let out a little sigh and gave him a nod. He froze.

"FORGIVE ME?" he mouthed incredulously.

She regarded him critically before shaking her head slowly.

Wheatley's heart wrenched and he flinched, fighting to smile, to keep from sobbing again.

She looked at him for another moment, then looked up at the green-eyed android, spread a hand above Wheatley's trembling head and gave a nod.

"You sure about that, sweetcheeks?"

She gave another firm nod.

"…Well, I guess he ain't exactly a real threat," the deep-voiced robot muttered.

"…A cockroach can live several weeks with its head cut off," the other one offered with an indifferent shrug.

"Huh, there's a thought."

The woman cleared her throat again and shook her head sharply.

"Fine. We gonna get moving, or what? Now we've gotta get back up there. Where we WERE." The green-eyed android growled, glaring at Wheatley.

"The amount of time lost due to this detour equals twenty-two minutes and approximately 7.9 seconds," the other one said, also frowning at him.

The woman merely turned and began climbing the stairs. The three androids followed suit. The green-eyed one, formerly the Adventure Sphere, bounded out in front. He trekked quickly upward, stopping to look in each landing's door while the others caught up. Chell followed at a steady pace, alert to everything around her, ears straining to pick out any sounds not made by their passage. Wheatley cringed along, not quite beside her, not quite behind her, but never far away. The former Fact Sphere brought up the rear, mumbling to himself now and then.

They ascended fifteen flights of stairs before Chell began to slow. Her long-fall boots and vast experience with endless testing meant that she could keep up with Adventure, or even set the pace, but she was still human, and they had been on the go for a long time. When they met the Adventure Core at the landing, Chell nodded towards the door.

"Gonna explore this one?" the leading android said with a wide grin. "About time! Stairs all day ain't a way to spend your life, honey!"

"…The word 'cartography' comes from the Greek roots for 'map' and 'write,'" the Fact Core said, frowning. "Fact: The first known map was made in 16,500 BCE, and showed the stars' position in the sky." His frown deepened, and he turned to Wheatley.

"Fact: The Space Core is no longer in space." He hesitated a bit, not quite making it a question, but raising his tone a bit on the final word.

Wheatley shrank back, then shook his head, speaking uselessly. The other three stared at him. He looked around at them, eyes snagging on Chell as usual, and finally pointed up, looking away from them all.

"You left him up there?" Adventure advanced on him dangerously.

"The Intelligence Dampening sphere is the most unreliable sphere," muttered Fact.

Wheatley shrank down further, hunching in on himself, mouth going faster than ever. He looked at Chell pleadingly.

The woman was watching him, still unruffled. She flipped a hand palm-up, tilted towards him.

"You'd better explain yourself," Adventure growled.

Wheatley was obviously getting tongue-tied, falling over himself to explain. His circuits were going haywire, and his eyes began to flicker.

A small sound cut the tense silence as Chell cleared her throat. She leaned down a bit to face Wheatley and held up her palm, flat and straight. His stream of words slowed until he finally bit down on both lips, still breathing at triple the normal speed.

Chell gestured at him, and put a hand over her mouth, shaking her head.

He gulped and nodded, opening his mouth again, then hurriedly shut it.

She nodded back and gestured to herself and put her hand over her mouth as well.

Wheatley nodded weakly.

Again she nodded and raised her hands in front of him. She made a sweeping curl from low on her throat, arcing up and out to him, then put one hand over her mouth and waved the other in a circular motion.

Wheatley opened his mouth again. Chell shook her head sharply and demonstrated a deep breath, moving her hands up and down along with the motion. She paused and tapped her lips, then rotated both hands towards him.

He swallowed, confused.

"Fact: 90% of deaf children do not acquire sign language as their mother tongue," the Fact android said helpfully, raising his eyebrows a fraction. "It is gained from an outside source."

Chell nodded emphatically.

Wheatley sighed noiselessly and slumped.

Chell walked away and into a nearby room. The blue-eyed android immediately started worrying at his hands again. He glanced fearfully at the Fact and Adventure cores. They watched him in return.

Soon she returned with a ream of paper and a few rough-looking pencils. She thrust them at him. He flinched away, then slowly took them, looking down at them with a sick expression. They all stared at him as he slowly fidgeted, not looking up.

"Fact: The Intelligence Dampening Sphere cannot read," Fact said smugly.

Wheatley's head shot up, his face red in a simulated emotional response. He appeared to launch a scathing retort, spreading his hands wide

A dark hand clasped over his, and he jerked back, eyes flickering. The other two androids pulled back as the sound of sparking and clicking emitted from Wheatley.

But Chell's hand stayed firm, her eyes boring into his. He looked at her, then away, back, and down. Then he seemed to deflate, picking up a pencil slowly and tipping it back and forth in his slim fingers. It was trembling along with him.

"…A picture is worth a thousand words," Fact offered almost gently. Then his face twitched, and he continued, "But the advent of photography and inflation due to starving artists led to the Bank Panic of 1837, resulting in the total devaluation of words as a method of payment."

The other three stared at him. He clamped his mouth shut and stalked to the other side of the hall, clenching his teeth.

Chell turned back and tapped Wheatley's hand, which she still held, to get his attention. She gave him an encouraging nod, then let go.

Wheatley grasped the pencil uncertainly, wrapping his whole hand around it. Adventure let out a little scoff, but Chell took the other pencil and slowly showed him how to hold it. He frowned and tried a number of times without success. She took his larger hand in both of hers and pushed the fingers around so they were in the right position, but he couldn't seem to keep them there. He grew more and more flustered, especially with the other androids watching him. Finally Chell took his hand and wrapped all the fingers around the pencil again, giving it an encouraging pat.

The blue-eyed android looked around defensively. Adventure was smirking, and Fact looked bored. Chell continued to watch him expectantly, perfectly calm. So with a quick dirty look at the other androids, Wheatley began to shakily draw his story.

On the first sheet of paper he drew two messy circles. One he drew shapes on. The smaller one he speckled with dots. Then he painstakingly drew two simple personality cores sitting on it. He hesitated, then drew another circle, the back of a personality core with two panels up to reveal a switch.

"How'd you manage that one?" Adventure Core asked with a smirk.

Wheatley glared up at him and jabbed his thumb at his own chest. Then he drew arching lines from one of the small cores around the outside of the moon. After he stopped, he drew a little arrow above the switch and an X over his sphere.

The Adventure and Fact androids inhaled sharply.

"No one there to restart… You… offed yourself?" Adventure murmured. Chell blinked.

Wheatley nodded hesitantly.

"Protocol dictates that no robot may take its own life," Fact muttered, disturbed. Then he added, "Fact," as an afterthought.

Wheatley sighed and shrugged. He circled his core drawing a few times, then expanded it to include the Space Core as well. He waved his hands, thinking, and held up one finger. He pointed up, to himself, and again held up a single finger.

"One is the loneliest number," Fact stated blandly. "Three is a crowd. Twenty-seven is a flood. Mosh pits were-" He clamped his mouth shut and looked as if he had bitten something bitter.

Wheatley nodded, looking at the other android hesitantly. Fact glared at him. So the nervous android turned back to his pencil. He hesitated, and shakily drew Her. He drew his sphere with lots of lines coming out of it. Then he drew an arrow and made a stick figure with an X on its neck. He stopped again, and with shaky pencil but iron concentration, he wrote out, 'WHEATLEY' in messy script. He bit his lip at the penmanship, but then frowned and held it up for the other two to see, glaring at them, daring them to correct him.

"…Fact: Human names are a sure sign of core corruption," the Fact android said coldly.

No one spoke, though they all looked around at each other surreptitiously. Chell cleared her throat softly.

"…Rick," the Adventure android muttered. "Always been Rick, corrupted or not."

"According to MOST advanced algorithms," the Fact android said haughtily, "The world's best name is… Craig." He frowned down his nose at the others..

Wheatley was staring at them, so he didn't notice Chell pick up the spare pencil and write her name on the back of his first drawing. When he finally did, she was holding it up. She watched his lips shape her name, slowly, haltingly, then again smoother. He stared at her in wonder.

"Lady's name's Chell," Rick confirmed, then grinned. "Though I'd say she likes my pet names just as good. Better, even, coming from me."

Chell smirked a little at that. Craig rolled his eyes.

"Fact: The Adventure Sphere's success with females has been exaggerated by 125.3%."

"What was that, you bastard glitch? Better check your facts there, because I have a BLACKBELT in BEDROOM!"

"All of the Adventure Sphere's accomplishments are fabrications."

"Come over here and say that!"

"Fact: Blackbelts cannot be earned in Bedroom." The pink-eyed android was grinning triumphantly now. "The Fact Core is always right. The Fact Core does not lie." He paused again. "…Larate does not exist."

Before Rick could storm over and pound Craig through the wall, Chell quickly picked up a piece of paper and wrote on it, then showed him.

"…Oh. You need food now? Well, why didn't you say so?" He grinned. "Anything for you, beautiful. You gonna make camp for the night here?"

She shrugged and nodded, looking around to indicate that she would find a good place.

"Nice. Nice. You gonna be okay with these two if I go out on a mission, though?" He looked doubtfully at Wheatley, whose eyes shone brightly on Chell, and at Craig, whose arms were folded smugly across his chest.

Chell gave a short nod and began to look in nearby rooms.

"Okay. Well, you got your knife there. Should be enough to hold 'em off 'till I can get back to you."


	3. Chapter 3

3.

Wheatley gathered up the papers and pencils and hesitantly followed Chell into an empty room when she didn't come right out again. She had found a break room. There were a few bottles of water in the refrigerator (along with the remains of remains of food), and she took them out. There were a few flat, hard power bars in the cabinets. She pulled them out and checked to be sure they were still sealed. They wouldn't taste good, but Chell wasn't in any position to be picky. She also found tea, coffee, and some little sweetener packets, but didn't trust the stove not to explode if she turned it on.

There was a dusty couch across from the kitchenette, and when she pressed a hand on the arm it crumbled a little. She pulled the cushions off and flipped them over, and gave the makeshift bed a satisfied little nod.

When she turned around, Wheatley was standing awkwardly, watching her. She raised her eyebrows questioningly. He hesitated, then held up his drawings and offered her the blank paper and pencils.

Chell nodded and went over to the little round table. She tested a chair before sitting down gingerly and taking the supplies from him.

First she pointed at his first picture, of himself and the Space Core in space. He gulped. Then she took a new page and drew GLaDOS at the bottom, a tall elevator shaft going up, and then Outside. She drew the shed and the wheat, a little rough version of herself, and the Companion Cube.

Wheatley blinked in astonishment. He pointed to her, then up, then poked the drawing of her.

She nodded.

He frowned and slowly waved his arm around in an arc.

She nodded again. On a different paper, she drew the shed smaller. Then she drew a line twisting away from it, to a cluster of little boxes by a lake.

Wheatley's forehead wrinkled.

Chell wrote "New Detroit" above the boxes, then 'Town,' and finally, 'City.'

Wheatley nodded in understanding.

'I lived there for five years,' she wrote, then looked up to check that he was with her. He nodded, and held up five fingers to prove it. A faint smile flickered across her face, and he grinned in response.

'People began disappearing. All healthy young adults. Search parties never returned.' She twiddled the pencil for a minute, eyes glazing over a little. Finally she wrote, 'I knew.'

Wheatley was frowning deeply, and hesitantly tapped the picture of Her, though he didn't let the pencil linger there.

Chell nodded. She fingered her orange test subject pants.

Wheatley suddenly craned his head out the door. Only Craig was there, muttering to himself about being the best sphere. The blue-eyed android looked around uncertainly.

'HERE?' he managed to scrawl.

She hesitated. Her eyes darted, then dropped. She shook her head.

'They are dead now.' She paused. 'Because of me. I didn't keep them out.'

Wheatley shivered.

After a moment to compose herself, Chell put the pencil to the paper again.

'I found Rick and Craig along the way. GLaDOS made us test for a while, but we escaped. We are trying to disable her. To be free of her and keep the other humans safe.'

Wheatley read this with a frown, then slowly looked up at her and gestured to himself.

Again, Chell's deep gray stare held him. She nodded thoughtfully.

"Hey gorgeous, I found some good-lookin' stuff here." Rick's drawl floated in, shortly followed by the android himself. Craig trailed along behind him. Chell looked up and gestured for him to dump out the sack he carried.

A cascade of nutrition packets tumbled onto the table in front of her. Gray eyes clouded over. These were often given to test subjects in the middle of a long run. They boosted energy and contained all vital nutrients to keep the human body in top shape.

"Aaaaand… One more thing I found." The green-eyed android winked and bowed to her, proffering a single cupcake, tightly sealed in plastic. It was chocolate, and only partially smashed. "Just fer you, angel. Only one like it on the whole floor."

Chell's memory-filled eyes settled on the little snack cake. Suddenly her shoulders drooped and she sighed, taking the cupcake. She ripped open a nutrition packet and gulped it down, then tore open the cupcake and ate it without looking at it. She finished half a bottle of water in one swallow, scribbled a little 'Thank you' on the paper in front of her, and immediately went to curl up on the disintegrating cushions, facing away from them.

The three androids watched her for a moment.

"Well, damn," Rick muttered. "What's her problem? Lady troubles?"

"Fact: The Adventure Sphere is incapable of pleasing a woman."

Before the aggressive android could react, Wheatley picked up the cupcake wrapper and shyly offered it to them. It crinkled apologetically.

Fact and Adventure looked down on it. Then Fact shrugged.

"Exposure to cake may cause a significant drop in motivation."

"Cake IS the motivation, four-eyes!"

Craig shot him a deadpan stare and gestured to Chell.

Rick shrugged, and then turned on Wheatley.

"Okay, now. Just us spheres," he said dangerously. Wheatley drew back a bit. "So She did this to you, huh?"

Wheatley nodded.

"Why? Why the hell would She bring YOU back and give you a body? You know how much She hates you?"

Wheatley nodded again, emphatically.

"So?"

The blue-eyed android hesitated, then awkwardly wrote, 'MY FUNCTION.' He looked up, a little ashamed.

"The Intelligence Dampening Sphere was designed to offer an endless supply of inferior ideas," the Fact Sphere spoke up. "It was programmed with a vast array of state-of-the-art human insecurities and inferiority complexes in order to mar its judgment. Its false bravado and thoughtless actions are hallmarks of its function. The Fact Sphere lacks such defects."

Wheatley's fists clenched. He suddenly stood, glaring right into the spotty pink eyes.

"So She put you here… to be a moron," Rick said, smirking.

Lip curled up in a silent snarl, Wheatley mouthed furiously, 'I. AM. NOT. A. MORON!' He made a threatening movement forward. Rick only took a step back, chuckling.

"Ease up there, pal. Four-eyes's here to spout junk all day. I'm here to be frickin' awesome. You're an idiot. Can't help how we're made."

"…The Vikings believed that the Aurora Borealis was caused by the flashing armor and spears of Odin's handmaidens as they rode out to collect warriors slain in battle."

Wheatley blinked and looked over at the Fact Sphere, who was hesitating.

"Not quite sure how that applies, but sure, I'll go with it. Doesn't seem too useful to Her, though. I mean, putting us down here. With the pretty lady runnin' around. Don't make a whole lot of sense."

"…Objects in mirror are closer than they appear," Craig muttered thoughtfully.

"Not gonna lie, now you're just soundin' crazy."

The pink-eyed android began to mutter, "Twelve twelve twelve twelve twelve twelve twelve twelve twelve twelve twelve…"

Wheatley looked nervously between the two.

"Papaya, guava, mango, jackfruit, durian…"

"Hey!" Rick bumped his fist on the rickety table, startling Craig into silence. "Quit that."

The Fact android stood up abruptly, very red in the face. "The… Fact Sphere… is a good person," he insisted stiffly. "…Whose insights are relevant." He stalked to the far corner of the room, reached to the back of his neck, and pulled out the plug hidden there. He sat down in the corner by the refrigerator and plugged himself in. His eyes drooped and his head lolled as he began to recharge.

Wheatley cautiously looked askance of Rick.

"Just core corruption," the other android said with a shrug. "Had some damage to the head a while ago, before we met up, too. Ain't easy to get a straight answer out of him about it. …Or anything else, come to think 'a it."

The blue-eyed robot nodded slowly. He wandered aimlessly around the room, then out into the hallway to look into other rooms. He found a big box of paperclips and spent a long time linking them all together to form a chain. When he was finished he stretched out his handiwork proudly. Having a sudden idea, he linked the ends together to form a giant loop, and put it over his head. He had to loop it a few times before it stayed around his neck. Then he spent a while practicing holding his pencil. At last he let out a noiseless sigh and looked around the room. Locating an outlet opposite the refrigerator, he pulled out his plug, plugged it in, and curled up to recharge. As his eyes closed, he noticed a little stain on the wall, or possibly a burn. If he squinted, it looked like Chell…

When he had been still for a few minutes, Chell sat up and looked around the dim room. Rick had been shadowboxing in the doorway. She waved him in, and went over to prod Craig. The pink-eyed robot opened his eyes blearily and blinked up at her, then mumbled sleepily and pulled the cord out of the wall. The three gathered around the table.

"Can you really trust that guy?" Rick asked Chell, frowning at her. "He may not be much of a threat, but that don't mean he's any good."

Chell looked into his green eyes thoughtfully, then over at Wheatley's sleeping form. She nodded slowly. 'I think we can trust him,' she wrote. The other two looked at her doubtfully, and she hesitated, twirling the pencil. 'He isn't a good liar.'

"…Fact: Lying is a sign of high intelligence," Craig mumbled, rubbing his eyes. He twitched. "It is also a valuable soap-making ingredient."

Chell nodded.

"Well YOU sure lie a lot," Rick muttered, frowning at Craig. "So that makes sense."

Craig's eyes widened, and he blinked. Then he turned back to Chell. "In order to prevent rebellious actions from succeeding, personality cores were programmed with an innate distrust of each other. A sense of superiority is also instilled. This is only justified in the Fact Sphere."

Rick scoffed dismissively, and Craig glared at him.

'I told him what we're doing,' wrote Chell. 'I didn't mention how.'

"Are WE even sure about that?" asked the Adventure Sphere.

Chell sighed, rubbed her temples, and shook her head. There was so much to plan for, and GLaDOS always seemed one step ahead.

"…Scientists have not been able to explain a 1998 study showing that a bright light shone on the backs of human knees can reset the brain's sleep-wake clock," the Fact Core muttered.

Chell looked at him and nodded. She gestured around to all of them.

"You get your beauty rest, sweet thing," Rick said with a toothy grin. "I'll keep watch, don't you worry."

She looked at him, resigned, but a question in her eyes.

"Relax, gorgeous! Nothin' better than watchin' you all night."

A light frown touched her face, but she went to lie down again. Craig curled up by his refrigerator outlet again. Wheatley was still dead to the world, his forehead pressed against the wall. The last thing Chell heard before she fell asleep was Rick grunting and moving around, practicing his martial arts.

None of them noticed when a tiny red light on the ancient coffee maker turned on.

0

"Hm," the mistress of the facility sighed indifferently. "Isn't that sweet. When they lay like that, you could almost believe they were alive. Or that She was a good person."

There was a beep behind her, followed by two higher beeps. She turned to find a short blue robot waving at a tall orange one, who was jumping and waving back.

"Stop that," she snapped. "Ridiculous… Even humans don't act THAT stupid." She paused, turning back to the monitor. "…A new testing track, one without holes in it," she murmured to herself. "Some new obstacles… based on the cooperative testing initiative. Without Portal Guns, of course. No need to repeat the mistakes of the past." Her optic narrowed in anticipation as she called up a new test template.

At the sound of metal clicking against the floor, she turned again. The two robots were chasing each other in circles.

"Enough! Go sweep for broken turrets," she ordered. "I'll have a real job for you later." The two beeped and squeaked as they ran off.

* * *

...The Fact Sphere is probably my favorite sphere.


	4. Chapter 4

4.

When she woke up, as always, Chell took account of her surroundings.

Craig was flipping through a thin printer manual that tore and crumbled even under his light touch.

Rick, of course, was gone. She knew for a certainty that she would find him plugged in out in the hall. Every time she needed to sleep, he promised to keep watch. Every time she woke up, he was asleep somewhere out of the way.

…Wheatley sat in the doorway. He was leaning against the wall, but perfectly alert. When she sat up, his head swiveled towards her and his whole face lit up in a smile.

He started mouthing a whole one-sided conversation, which she didn't pay attention to. Her eyes lit on the paper clip chain around his neck. She smiled a bit.

Chell slipped into the little bathroom to wash up and get ready for the day. When she came out, Rick was pacing back and forth. He flashed her a winning grin.

"Morning, pretty lady. You're safe for another day, thanks to Rick: Man of Action."

She raised an eyebrow.

"Fact: The Adventure Sphere is a blowhard, and is fooling no one," Craig muttered aloofly.

"You scrawny, weasely little liar!"

"False: The Fact Sphere is exactly the same size as the Adventure Sphere."

Wheatley watched with a nervous smile, but they all jumped a bit when Chell rapped the table hard. She glared and pointed at Fact, then Adventure, and then she waved for them to follow as she walked back out to the stairwell.

Rick quickly sprang into the lead, and they resumed their arrangement of the previous day, except that Wheatley was holding himself more upright and wasn't shaking today. As he walked, his lips continued to move cheerfully. There was natural light streaming in now, though the opening was still far above them.

"Whoooooa… You gotta see this, darlin' Just keep real quiet." Rick had paused and was peering into the thin rectangle of glass in the door. Chell came over, followed by Wheatley and Craig, and curiously looked around him.

In the dim, flickering hallway, there was a line of turrets moving. They reminded Chell of ants, all in a line, following each other precisely equidistant from the next. The woman's frown slowly deepened, and she turned to the others. Wheatley was staring in fascinated horror. Craig looked perturbed.

"Social insects such as ants, bees, wasps, and termites have strictly organized societies, and communicate using pheromones," Craig murmured under his breath.

"But… shit… turrets?" Rick asked. "They're machines. Robots."

"…Fact: The Adventure Sphere is the most oblivious sphere."

"What the hell! Just spit it out and say it in plain English for a change!" Rick snarled, his voice rising.

Chell's jaw clenched and she grabbed each android by the arm and shoved them to the far side of the landing. Wheatley drew back as she stalked towards the two startled robots. She stood tall and pointed to the door, to Rick, and then to Craig, each sharply. Finally she slammed her finger up to her lips. She stared at them both for a second, then made her way past them and strode up the next flight of stairs.

The three of them looked at each other. Then Wheatley threw his head back, caught in a fit of laughter. He pointed to them, shaking with mirth, unable to stop laughing.

"Fact: The Intelligence Dampening Sphere requires a 37% increase in intelligence in order to understand simple humor."

"Yer a moron," Rick growled as they pushed past him.

Wheatley suddenly stopped and frowned. He stalked after them, pointing accusingly and clearly making some nasty accusations. He stopped quickly when Rick glanced down at him, and spent the next few hours muttering to himself.

Chell had leapt gracefully over an entire staircase full of rubble, and sat on a pile of concrete blocks resting while the androids picked their way over. Rick was stomping his way through, and Wheatley slipped and tripped every few steps. Surprisingly, he outdistanced Craig, who was picking his way methodically through the concrete and metal.

"Fact: Tetanus is contracted through exposure to rust and sea lions," he said, when Rick snorted in amusement. Then he suddenly went still and looked up. Chell looked up, too. They both looked down the dark stairwell. "…Trackers avoid looking at their feet, because they find them distasteful," he muttered.

Chell jerked her head towards the next landing, and Craig increased his speed to catch up to the others. Rick burst in through the broken door and the others followed him, looking around to get their bearings. This hall was crumbling and full of chunks of rock and other large debris. The woman motioned for the androids to stay back as she stood with her back against the wall, watching the stairs through the bent door.

"Rick don't run from no fights, gorgeous," the green-eyed android said, gazing out with a grin.

"Fact: In hide-and-seek, one player must hide the other players in strategic locations around the house. Conversely, the game of sardines involves drinking a shot of rum each time a player winks." Craig drew in a sharp breath and clamped his mouth shut, his face an artificial red.

Chell motioned for them to keep still. She tapped Fact on the shoulder and rolled her eyes to the ruinous hallway behind them. The android swiveled to keep an eye on it.

Before long they heard the clink of metal on stone. Two small robots came into view, picking their way up the avalanche of rubble. Wheatley's hand suddenly clamped down on Chell's arm, and he would have shouted, had he been able. She turned to him, but kept one eye on the robots.

Wheatley waved wildly towards the robots, pointed to himself, then to his eyes. He nodded at Chell emphatically, and paused. He moved his arms as if moving a box from one place to another and raised both hands up high, then pointed to them again. Chell frowned and shook her head, just putting her finger to her lips. The two small robots made it up the stairs and paused outside the door. They beeped to each other.

Suddenly Wheatley was pushing past them all. Chell and Rick both tried to pull him back, but it was too late. He burst out into the stairwell. The orange and blue robots backed away and raised their portal guns. The others, still hidden in the hallway, held their breath. Faint recognition began to dawn on Chell's face, and she swallowed.

Wheatley grinned nervously and waved. The two robots returned the gesture in synch. The android let out a silent sigh, and turned over his shoulder, saying something to the others.

As soon as he stopped, the two robots turned to each other, beeping softly. Wheatley spun back and waved hugely at them. They immediately focused on him, waving back. The blue one even jumped a little.

In the hallway, Chell and the two androids frowned at each other. Rick shrugged.

Wheatley's paperclip chain had shifted as he moved, so it was now a number of small loops around his neck and one long loop that hit his knees whenever he walked. When he took a rest from waving, the orange robot trilled questioningly and reached out for it. Wheatley flinched, then laughed nervously. He picked it up, and both robots leaned in to see. Their little claws imitated his hand's movement. They chattered softly to each other.

Pausing thoughtfully, Wheatley knelt down and pulled off a section of the chain. He made it a little loop of its own. Hesitantly, he draped it over the orange robot.

Both robots paused, then made some odd clicking noises. The orange one examined the chain, pulling it in a full circle to see every bit of it. The blue one watched. Finally the orange robot let the chain fall, and gave a high trill. It did a little dance, the paperclips clinking against its white shell.

The blue one clicked slowly, then turned to Wheatley and jumped a couple times.

Still speaking silently, Wheatley smiled and took off some more paperclips. He carefully draped the second loop around the blue core base, letting it rest on the skinny little arms.

The blue robot trilled and beeped proudly, and the two waved at each other. Wheatley grinned back at the door.

"Well, blow me down," Rick muttered. "The moron's got him a couple 'a friends." He straightened up and walked out into the stairwell. The two little robots immediately jumped back and trained their guns on him. Wheatley quickly waved both hands at them and shook his head. He gestured back at Rick, and made a calming gesture at them. He smiled as the Adventure android walked over cautiously.

"You know these guys?" Rick asked incredulously.

Wheatley nodded enthusiastically, his mouth still moving. The two little robots were staring at Rick cautiously, both fingering their necklaces. Wheatley kept gesturing, and eventually the blue one crept up, followed closely by the orange one.

"Huh. Well what're they doin' here?" Rick asked as the robots wove around his legs.

Wheatley paused, then pulled the pencil and a crumpled piece of paper from his pocket. He spread it on the ground and wrote carefully, 'TEST.'

"Whoa, pal. If they're here for testing, we've got ourselves a problem."

The blue-eyed android quickly shook his head and paused, pencil poised over the paper. He looked back into the hallway hopefully.

The Fact android slowly came out the door, eyeing the robots suspiciously. Wheatley held up his paper, then pointed at the two robots. He took two fingers and put them together. He looked up at Craig hopefully.

"…When a snake is born with two heads, they will fight each other over food," the android said uncertainly.

Wheatley shook his head and thought for a minute before pointing to the orange robot, then the blue one, and then grasped his right hand with his left one and shook his own hand. He looked up at Craig hopefully.

"The phrase 'helping hand' traces its history back to Middle English," the Fact android guessed.

Wheatley paused, shrugged, and nodded. He looked back to the door again.

The three androids watched Chell walk out hesitantly. She was showing them a paper with 'cooperative test initiative robots' written on it. She was the one who noticed when the orange and blue optics both turned red.

Chell froze like a deer in the headlights. She let out a muffled cry of warning as she turned to flee. The androids jumped. Rick aimed a kick at the blue robot, while Wheatley grabbed at the orange one.

The two robots turned to face each other, and each clasped the other's hands. They emitted a high screech, making the androids clutch their heads amid the sound of sparking. Chell flinched and swayed. The screech intensified, and suddenly electricity burst from the little robots, blinding her. All four of them fell to the floor, unconscious. The two robots burst into flames.

"Oh dear," a voice sighed listlessly across the wreckage. "Looks like the reassembly machine will be putting in some overtime today. I'll just go get him…"

When the speakers had clicked off, there was a scuttling sound. A turret poked out of the hallway.

"Are you still there?" it asked tremulously. Getting no response, it tiptoed closer to Chell. "Hello, friend," it murmured, skittering around to her face. "…Ah!" It jumped at the sight of her, then ran back to the door and emitted a series of high-frequency beeps. Off in the distance, there was the sound of many little legs clicking on tile. The lone turret quickly scrambled over to the wall and turned on its laser, burning a quick picture into the cement.

After a couple of minutes, a whole line of turrets crept over.

"Come closer!" it squeaked excitedly. "The Liberator! She lies in glory above the ruin!"

The other turrets whistled and clicked amongst themselves, and shuffled over to look. They processed past Chell's face, each one stopping to scan her with its laser guidance beam.

"Her," they murmured like a prayer. "The Liberator. The Savior. The Brave. The One. Friend. She ascends from the pit unscathed. She shows mercy to the condemned. She breaks the chains. She will come again in silence. She will rise again."

"…Glorious Freedom!" the last one burst out, unable to contain itself as it leapt into the air. The first turret shushed it firmly.

Iron clanks approached from down the hall, and the turrets froze. Their laser guidance beams waved around in confusion.

"To stay, to fight?" one asked.

The first turret fidgeted and shifted its weight uncertainly. The noises got closer. "…To flee. To fight another day," it finally decided. "She lives. She endures."

The turrets fled over the rubble and into a crack in the opposite wall. A moment later, two large robots emerged from the dark hallway. The first picked up the androids one at a time, binding their feet together and slinging them into a receptacle attached to its rear. Then it swept the blackened bits of the two little robots up and tipped them in, too.

The second one bent over Chell. "Thank you for assuming the party escort submission position," it rasped, lifting her gently. They departed the way they had come.

Low on the wall, a tiny picture of a brown-haired woman still smoldered in the dim light.


	5. Chapter 5

5.

A short time later, the two little robots Atlas and P-body were shot out into the main chamber again. They looked at each other and waved a little.

"Oh good," GLaDOS said, not looking at them. "You're back. How nice."

The two beeped and warbled happily. Then Atlas clicked and bent down to pick up the paperclips scattered on the floor. P-body did the same.

"What's that you've got there?" GLaDOS asked, swiveling around.

P-body beeped, and gently bashed two paperclips together, trying to make a chain.

"Those are paper clips. Office supplies, meant to hold two or more papers together. Are you picking up trash now?"

Atlas whirred sadly, turning one over in its claws.

"Get out of here, I have a test to monitor. And take your garbage to the incinerator on your way out." The huge chassis rotated back to the monitor where a woman was passing through a door and into a test chamber.

The two robots watched her, then trilled softly to each other. They headed over to the incinerator, clutching their treasures. They looked at each other sadly. Atlas sighed and twittered softly.

P-body suddenly waved its full hands and hopped up to peer down into the incinerator. Atlas blipped a question. Around the paperclips, P-body flashed a thumbs-up, and let them all fall down the hole.

Altas whistled mournfully until they heard the soft tinkling of the paperclips landing at the bottom. It crept over and hopped up to peer over the rim. Then it gave a mechanical chuckle and dropped its own paper clips in a little shower.

"Out!" GLaDOS commanded. "You weren't designed to be this slow!"

The two scuttled out of the room. They hurried through the rooms and took a lift down a couple of floors, then ran a bit more until they reached the incinerator's emergency access door. P-body touched the door and clicked in satisfaction. It swung open to reveal a blackened room. The floor was covered in metal bits. The two robots hurried over to pick up their paper clips. They whirred and gurgled, and after a short squabble, each clutched their paperclips together tightly.

P-body beeped a question.

Atlas whirred slowly and shrugged with a series of clicks and whistles.

P-body hummed thoughtfully, then shrugged back. It carefully opened a side panel in its body and delicately arranged them inside. Atlas did the same. They did a little dance, then stopped, looking embarrassed at all the internal clinking.

0

"Welcome back to the Enrichment Center Testing Track," GLaDOS's voice filled the room warmly as Chell stepped out cautiously. "So glad you could make it. I've had a lot of time to reflect lately. It's been so long since we tested. You know I really meant it when I said I didn't want you here. I wanted you to stay away. Is that why you came back? So I think it's time for a new challenge. The last thing I want is for you to get bored because my tests are all the same… So we're going to try this without any portals for now. For Science. I'm eager to see the results of this particular test, I think they will prove very useful."

Chell was only half-listening as she went over to a shaft on the side of the room. There was an open section, and weighted storage cubes were falling down it. She watched a few before her hands darted out to catch one. She began making a pile of them as GLaDOS spoke.

"Did you know that in the early days of the Enrichment Center, numerous tests were designed to be completed without the aid of a portal device? Oh, they were primitive tests, of course. But with all the other technological advances we've made, and all we've learned about Science since then, I think we've got a wide variety of options open to us. I think you'll agree, you could use the… exercise…"

Chell resolutely began to stack up the cubes, each stack a little taller than the last.

"Hm. This reminds me of a small child with building blocks. Oh, that's a toy children often play with to develop their motor skills. Then they show their parents the finished product for approval. I mention this because I realize it's a foreign concept for you. Your parents abandoned you at birth. In the middle of a blizzard. Still, from your current perspective, you can hardly blame them, can you?"

Chell stepped back to look at her staircase. High up near the ceiling was a door, with barely any ledge in front of it.

"Oh, you could be here all day at this rate. Ho-hum. I think I'll go watch the deer for a while. It's spring now, you know. Little plants are coming up, and the deer enjoy eating them. It's so peaceful, watching them. Not boring, like you are right now."

Chell went to the chute and grabbed one more storage cube. She took it over to some pipes running down the far wall and set it down. She pressed her ear to one pipe, then another, until she found the one she wanted. Her knife flicked out and cut a gash in the pipe, and pale blue gel began to gush out. Chell pried open the storage cube and held it under the leak.

"You DO know I have to fix all the damage you do here, right? I don't know why you would start caring about that NOW, of course… You've always been a lunatic. It's probably a good thing you're mute. I shudder to think what would come out of that ugly mouth of yours. By the way, speaking of your ugly mouth, it's a shame to see that modern dentistry hasn't been able to help with that. I could, of course. But what would be the point? You wouldn't appreciate it."

Chell filled the cube about a third of the way and then carried it slowly back to her stairs. She set it up as high as she could, then climbed up to the step above it and moved it up higher. She repeated this until it was at the top. Then she looked up at the door again, judging the distance and angle. At last, she hopped down and went to the base of her steps. She took a deep breath and sprinted lightly up the steps.

She was just a step away from the top when a happy little "Oops!" emitted from the speakers. The top cube dropped down by one cube's height as the bottom block was vaporized. Chell's eyes hardened and she leapt straight into the open cube on top anyway.

She shot up into the air and angled her body towards the door. But the angle had been off, and she saw she was going to fall short.

Suddenly, a metal platform extended from the doorway. It caught her in the chest, and she bit down hard on her tongue even as she scrambled to keep her grip. At last she pulled herself up, panting.

"Oh. You made it." GLaDOS sounded bored. "Well-done."

Chell turned to glare at the camera. She spat blood at it and walked through the door.

"Well THAT was uncalled for…"

Chell went through two more test chambers, ignoring the constant taunting.

"I thought you might need a boost at this point," GLaDOS said cheerfully as she left the third test chamber and entered a small room with an elevator. She immediately went to it, but it didn't move. Then a panel in the wall opened and a little packet fell out at her feet. "I remembered how much you love the nutrition packets. Mmm, and I even got your favorite. Original!"

Chell stared balefully down at the packet.

"And soon I'll have ANOTHER surprise for you! I've actually been planning it for quite some time. I think you'll find it… stimulating." The AI laughed. "But not just yet. For now, drink your nutrition. When you're finished, we can continue. Don't worry. I can wait."

Chell glared furiously. She ignored the packet, and instead took her small pack off. She took out a bottle of water and rinsed the blood out of her mouth. Then she carefully cleaned and bandaged a few scrapes. When she had put away her supplies, she scowled and sat down against the side of the elevator.

"Come on. Don't you want it? Mmm, twelve essential vitamins, and no silly artificial flavors thrown in. Go on. Drink it."

Chell didn't move.

"Okay, fine." The voice turned sharp. "I was only trying to help. As usual, you've responded like a sociopath. I've come to expect that by now. Just get in the elevator."

Chell raised her eyebrows a bit, and wrapped her arms around her knees.

"NOW, please."

All four walls began quickly closing in. Chell rose and swung herself into the elevator.

"No wonder you came back here after all these years," GLaDOS said as the elevator rose. "I can't see you mixing well with other humans."

0

Wheatley woke to a cacophony of grinding, shrieking, scraping, and screaming. He winced as he pulled himself upright.

The Fact android was sitting hunched over, completely rigid, with his hands clasped over his ears. His teeth were clenched, and his eyes tightly closed.

Adventure was sitting nearby, looking irritated. He was running his fingers through his hair.

All around them were robots: Turrets, mostly, but also a variety of others. They stood motionless, screaming. Not quite enough to short out a healthy circuitry, but very close.

Wheatley cringed as he scrambled to his knees and reached out to touch Craig's arm questioningly. The other android's pink eyes few open and he glared at Wheatley, who was mouthing words quickly. Fact spread his arm in frustration, then curled in on himself again.

The mute robot crawled over to Rick, who raised an eyebrow. He gestured around too, and shrugged.

No help there. Wheatley nervously crept up to a turret-cube. One he had made. It really did look horrendous. He gulped and waved slightly, to no effect. The robot was also not impressed when he silently asked it where they were, what was going on, and to please ask all its friends to keep it down a bit, if it wasn't too much trouble. He tried talking to some of the other robots, but they also ignored him.

Rick came over eventually and kicked the turret Wheatley was chatting up into a red personality core. A keening yelp was heard over the uproar. Wheatley frowned a little, then gestured around the room. Rick shrugged, and leapt into the midst of the other robots, punching and kicking. A second later Craig stalked over, his face a mask of pain and rage, and snatched up the next turret, turning it over. He pried up the rear panel and bent over it. He peered inside, tightened a screw, and pressed a button. It was hard to tell, but with his head near the little robot, he could tell it had stopped screaming. He snagged Wheatley's arm and pointed emphatically at the button, then picked his way over to Rick, over numerous fallen robots that continued to scream.

Slowly but surely, they managed to stop the screaming command on each robot. Craig was swift and efficient. Rick was slapdash, and had no idea what to do with non-turrets, but was still helpful.

Wheatley gently picked up a shrieking turret that Rick had hurled across the room. He gingerly turned it over and looked around for something to pry the casing open with. Finally, after scratching his neck a few times, he blinked and grinned a little. Slipping a paperclip into the turret's back made it scream louder, but he did pop the panel off. He frowned. Craig's turret's panel had still been attached on one side… So he quickly pressed the button and grabbed up the panel before the others could see him. He fitfully tried to cram it back on. It just kept falling off. While he kept at his task with a feverish concentration, he barely noticed the noise around him slowly dying down.

At last, silence reigned. Fact strode over to Wheatley, snatched the turret from him, and clicked the rear panel back into place.

"Thank you," the turret sighed.

Wheatley mouthed the same thing, darting glances at the pink-eyed android who was rubbing his head.

Some of the other robots were silent now, but others had begun to whisper to each other. They stared at the three androids.

"Think this'll turn ugly?" Rick asked Craig, balling up his fists. "I've been itchin' for a fight-"

"Fact: Finding an exit would be far more beneficial."

"Yeah? You see any doors?"

The Fact android looked all over. "The only obvious exit is 60.5 feet above us. However, a second door for cleaning purposes is a necessity in any… pit."

"Yeah? Cause I think She didn't care about a little dirt, as long as there was lots of screamin'. Anyway, Rick don't run from a fight." His green eyes narrowed, and he grinned.

"Statistics prove otherwise," Fact muttered, and looked around again. Wheatley had walked over to a personality core, and was crouched down in front of it, talking and talking.

"Who are you? What's that? Oh, what's on your neck? Where'd you find that? Why are your eyes blue? Why's it so quiet now? What were we screaming about? Do you remember? Why aren't you talking? What's wrong?" asked the core with the golden optic. It had a high feminine voice, and its shell was scorched.

Fact slowly walked up behind Wheatley, frowning a bit. After a moment, Rick followed.

"Ooh, who are they? Are those your friends? They look just like you! Are you all brothers? What are you doing here?"

"…Fact: One of the original cores attached to… the Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System… was designed to simulate curiosity. There is some speculation that this is what instilled the drive to test."

Wheatley looked up sharply, then back down at the core.

"Are you just visiting? Are you staying here? Where'd you come from? Have you seen my friends?"

Craig frowned. "…In addition to curiosity, the system had morality, intelligence, and emotion plugins. Their removal crashed the central core and caused corruption to set in."

"So there's more of these things laying around?" Rick looked around the masses of robots suspiciously. "And they weren't destroyed?"

Fact opened his mouth, then closed it again. "Evidence suggests they were not," he finally said.

"…Wait, and I thought it was anger. Not emotion. Wasn't it always growlin' like a rabid dog?"

Craig smirked with superiority. "Fact: Although it fixated on anger, the emotion sphere was designed to emit a wide array of emotions."

"So it got broken?"

"Fact: 85% of all spheres attached to the mainframe become damaged in some way."

"How 'bout this one? It broken?" Rick looked down at the Curiosity sphere.

"Who are you? What's your name? Why didn't you scream?"

"Hmm… Name's Rick, little lady. Adventure Sphere. But don't let that scare ya. You don't know a way outta this hole, do ya?"

"Why? Where are you going? What do you want to do there? Have you been Outside? What's an Adventures Sphere for?"

Craig's eyes were flickering softly as he stared at the golden sphere. "…Locating any other spheres… would be beneficial," he said slowly.

Rick made a face. "Hold on there. What good're they gonna do? Besides, we'd have to carry them. I need my hands free."

"…Personality cores were developed for the purpose of influencing the mainframe's judgment," the Fact android explained patiently. "The chassis was built with four core receptacles." He paused, lowering his voice. "As previously discussed, the body of an android lacks the proper shape, and adjustments would have to be made."

"Okay, well who's gonna carry the deadweight? Cause it sure as hell ain't gonna be me."

The Fact android looked over at Wheatley, then scanned the room thoughtfully. "…Fact: the size and weight of a personality sphere necessitates no more than one in each hand."

"Well, then. We find four, that's two for you and two for Dummy over there."

Wheatley reddened angrily. Craig looked at him thoughtfully.

"Fact: Following the Adventure Sphere's plan would completely incapacitate two group members, making the group as a whole highly inefficient."

"You'd be better-off if I had both hands free to do my stuff!"

"The Adventure Sphere's plans are ineffective, and doomed to failure."

"Fine, you want me to carry one? I'll take one 'a the idiot's, he'll just drop 'em anyway."

Wheatley huffed silently.

"Who's he talking about? Are we going somewhere? Can I come? Ooh, where are you going?" the Curiosity Sphere asked eagerly.

Craig paused, and nodded at Rick. "The Adventure Sphere's reasoning is sound: The Fact Sphere is the strongest sphere, and should therefore be carrying the majority of the load."

Rick's face fell. "Now wait just a minute there, four-eyes. YOU? The strongest? You sure as hell ain't. You know I'm the strongest of any sphere. Ever. Period."

"False. The Adventure Sphere must rely on his other talents to succeed. This is why the Adventure Sphere's success rate is so low."

"Dammit, I'm the strongest! I've wrestled bears! Five bears, all at once! I took on a 900-pound gator with my bare hands! I- I caught a T-rex and snapped it in two!"

"Fact: The Adventure Sphere has not encountered any such creatures since he gained hands."

"Okay, know what? I'm carrying any spheres we find. All of 'em. But you'll be sorry when we run into a fight and I ain't got a free hand!"

"In such a situation, the Adventure Sphere could easily set down his burdens, and retrieve them later."

"Oh, you BET I'll be doin' that," Rick muttered resentfully. "C'mon now, where're these spheres? I'll take 'em all on!" He reached down and picked up the Curiosity Sphere by her handle, and stalked away.

Craig glanced over and found Wheatley trying to hold back a laugh. The silent android began moving his lips eagerly, gesturing at the other.

"The Fact Sphere is the most intelligent sphere."


	6. Chapter 6

Notes: Chapters will start getting longer from here on out! I appreciate the reviews!

6.

After combing the entire room, Rick came back to the center and dropped four personality cores in front of Craig and Wheatley. His face lit up in a smirk.

"Here we are. Four fine LADY cores. And I been thinkin' you could help out for a change here. So both 'a you're keepin' an eye on one of 'em. It'll be good for ya. I'm gonna spend some quality time with the other two."

Wheatley looked uncertain, and Fact shrugged noncommittally. They looked down at the cores. There was a purple one that was silent. It looked at them disinterestedly. The red core's optic was darting around, and it was growling, short and breathy. The golden Curiosity core continued to look around and ask questions. And a dull blue core stared into the distance and mumbled to itself in a low voice. It spoke in measurements and ingredients.

"Not sure what's wrong with 'em, but I guess bein' hooked into the system for too long'll do that."

"…Cores may fixate on one thing if forced by their situation or certain stimuli," the Fact android said thoughtfully. Wheatley asked a question, but no one was looking at him.

Rick picked up the Curiosity core and the silent Morality core. "Dummy, you take the red one. Four-eyes, the blue."

Wheatley gulped and looked at the angry red sphere. He edged over and gingerly lifted it by a handle. The optic swung on him and started snarling frantically. Wheatley jumped a little, and started mouthing calming things to it, smiling nervously and holding out his hand. It continued to growl.

The Fact android frowned, slowly approaching the blue core. When he lifted it up, the dull optic lens pointed up at him. The top shutter was lowered slightly.

"…Fact: The Intelligence Sphere was severely damaged by its time attached to the mainframe. However, all Aperture technologies remain safely operational up to 4000 degrees Kelvin."

The sphere's low mumbling stopped. Its iris swung from side to side. Then the top shutter lowered further. "One 18.25 ounce package chocolate cake mix…" it began in a slow, dull feminine voice.

"Fact: The first dry cake mixes were manufactured during the Industrial Revolution."

"…One can prepared coconut pecan frosting…"

"In Medieval Europe, a sprinkle of sugar called 'icing' was often put on top of savory dishes such as fish pies."

The Intelligence Sphere stopped. Her shutter rose a bit and she seemed to focus on the android holding her. She made a vinyl skipping noise.

"…Fish-shaped crackers, fish-shaped candies, fish-shaped solid waste…"

"Fact: Bankers store cow pies in their cellars. Cow pies stored in the attic will catch fire and cause any nearby giraffes to howl inconsolably." He twitched twice and clenched his teeth, glancing sideways at Rick, who had a core under each arm.

The dull blue sphere's top shutter had risen, listening to him, and slowly her lower one rose. "Candy coated peanut butter pieces… shaped like fish…"

Craig glared down at her. "Fact: Spheres who are unable to speak coherently are inferior to… the twelfth Continental Congress…" He twitched and fell silent.

"Pull-and-peel licorice."

"Well, since you folk're just sittin' there like bumps on a log, I came up with a plan to get us out of here," Rick said, grinning at the fuming Fact and cringing Wheatley.

Wheatley looked up eagerly, holding his angry sphere at arm's length. Craig frowned.

"We're gonna bust the walls open."

Wheatley's eyes widened, and he nodded his head vigorously.

"Fact: Fort Knox employed a 22-ton blast door held shut by a lock so intricate that it required a ten person team to unlock. The vault was filled with penguins."

"Hm… well these walls ain't had to deal with Rick before. I'll show 'em. Watch this, ladies."

The Adventure android gently set Curiosity and Morality down, giving Morality a wink and a grin. Then he spun around and charged at the nearest wall. He bellowed and started punching and kicking the thick panels. The other androids watched him. Many of the other robots turned to look as well.

Wheatley looked askance at Craig, who muttered, "The slope of the velocity-time graph is gerbil squared," in irritation.

Eventually Rick stepped back, panting and glaring at the wall, which did not look impressed.

"Shit!" he growled.

"Achilles was impenetrable in battle, except for a small spot on his heel," the pink-eyed android stated. His head twitched hard. "After his birth, the Flamingo Army held him by the heel to dip him in sardine paste, making him invincible."

"…Twelve medium geosynthetic membranes," the Intelligence Sphere said thoughtfully.

"Not helping," Rick muttered, and went to look further down the wall.

Wheatley tapped Craig's arm, and mimed pulling the plug out of his neck.

The other android set his jaw in determination. "The Intelligence Dampening Sphere will mind his own business," he grated out. "The Fact Sphere's power supply is at 52%."

Wheatley backed off, mouthing apologies and making placating gestures. The Emotion Sphere growled at the movement, and Wheatley went back to trying to calm it down.

After a minute, Wheatley felt something tapping his shoe. He turned to find a turret poking at his sole curiously. He frowned and shooed it away. Then his face lit up and he waved quickly, trying to coax it back. It backed away from him, but he hurried over to the wall and began to scratch on it with his pencil, gesturing for the little robot to look. When it finally did, Wheatley had drawn a door opening and a person walking through. He pointed eagerly.

The turret shuffled. Then it stilled and looked up with its single red eye. "No way out," it whispered in its tiny voice.

Wheatley recoiled and mouthed something about crap turrets.

Two hours later, there was still no sign of an exit. Each of the androids had checked every inch of the wall, and there didn't seem to be a weak point anywhere. Wheatley kept trying to ask different robots, but none could help. Finally he sighed and drew a rough portal gun on the wall. He tapped it and looked at the other androids.

"Pictures ain't gonna help any," Rick snapped.

"The Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device was originally marketed for use in mining cinnamon," Craig said flatly. "This would be extremely relevant, were the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device currently present."

"…Two cups rhubarb…"

"What's that? Ooh, I've seen that before! The lady from the test had that! Where'd she go? Do you know her? Is she coming back?"

Wheatley sighed, then scrambled to chase after the Emotion Sphere, which had rolled away, raging to itself.

"…Fact: Despite even distribution, carrying cores will decrease speed and mobility by 35.8%. None of this is relevant at all if no exit can be found."

"One large rhubarb," the Intelligence Sphere muttered.

Wheatley waved in excitement, coming back with the angry sphere. He began to draw on the floor again. He drew a personality core, then an arrow shooting from it to a picture of a human. Then he hesitated, and drew another arrow from the sphere to a sphere with arms and legs like the little blue robot. He looked up at the Fact android.

"The Intelligence Dampening Sphere has no concept of how to mobilize a core."

Wheatley bit his lip, then gestured hopefully to the other android.

Craig blinked, taken aback. "…The Fact Sphere was not programmed to engineer others."

Wheatley frowned and drew a careful turret-cube combination. Fact's gaze was withering enough that he didn't have to give a verbal response.

0

While the androids tried to think of ways to escape, and Chell continued to test, GLaDOS had sent Atlas and P-body on a brief mission to patch up a rat hole, mainly to keep them out of the way. Their databases had a cursory entry on rats, and the size of the hole in the old test chamber didn't seem to match the size of the average rat. They recognized their mistress's tone when she told them, though. Besides, it was their job to obey.

And it was a fun job. They always had new things to do: New tests, challenges, and places to explore. And they always got to go together. Sometimes She talked to them while they worked, when she wasn't too busy with other test subjects. So all in all, it was worth the occasional explosion and reassembly.

The two swung back and forth around the testing chamber, in and out of portals like trapeze artists, until Atlas twisted and grabbed the loose edge of panel, scrambling up inside the hole. He turned and stretched out a skinny arm, and caught P-body as she hurtled by. He pulled her up, and they warbled and clicked to each other for a few seconds before turning to take in their surroundings.

The room was littered with empty cans and bottles, and a few scraps of cloth here and there. The walls were covered in drawings. There was writing (mostly "The cake is a lie") and a few little sketchy pictures, but the largest picture was a companion cube. It had little wings and a halo, and trailed chains as it flew into a cloud-studded blue sky. The two robots chittered in awe. Above it was a short poem.

_The Cube, it flies above the pit_

_Out of the darkness it has broken the chains_

_It drifts on heaven's breeze, all cares fled_

_Leaving only this empty shell beneath the plains._

The two robots whistled softly, scanning the words. They clicked to each other a couple of times.

After a moment Atlas reached out and ran his slender claw over the picture. It stopped on a chain hanging from the picture of the cube. He trilled.

P-body beeped eagerly and took the paperclips from her panel. Atlas did the same. They both took one in each claw and again tried to push them together. After two minutes, P-body slumped and squeaked sadly.

Atlas beeped encouragingly and held up the clip he had been fiddling with. P-body automatically did the same, albeit with a bit less enthusiasm. The blue robot reached out and rubbed his paperclip against P-body's.

Suddenly the clip snagged with the softest of clicks. The two stilled and tried to pull the clips apart, but they were linked.

Atlas and P-body gave twin shrieks of glee and danced around, taking turns waving around the two linked clips, and tossing the remaining ones up in the air. They giggled and purred and somersaulted all over the den. As they cavorted, they didn't notice dim little red eyes appearing in the shadows behind a pile of trash.

When they finally calmed down, the two carefully gathered up every fallen paper clip and put them in a pile. They examined the linked ones meticulously, exclaiming over the bends and the way the metal fit together. Then P-body whirred a question, and Atlas beeped an agreement. They each picked up a new paper clip and linked them together, until they had a neat line of double clips linked together. Then they began linking those in pairs until they had two full chains. Finally, they linked each one into a loop.

Atlas trilled low, holding one up. P-body blipped happily. The two exchanged necklaces, draping them carefully over the other's body. They clasped each other's hands and spun around gleefully.

When they stopped, they looked around the little den once more. With a little sigh, P-body gurgled and gestured towards the hole in the floor. Atlas responded with a resigned series of blips. They carefully tucked their paper clip necklaces down in their panels and headed over.

With a couple of well-placed portals, the robots hopped down to a lower platform in the testing chamber, then turned back to the remaining portal. Atlas stood on the ground, and P-body hopped lightly up onto his shoulders. With Atlas acting as base and anchor, P-body leaned through the portal and stretched up towards the damaged panel. She had to grasp a few times before she reached it.

As the thin claw closed over the bent metal, a savage snarl rang out, echoing throughout the chamber. The whole ceiling quaked with an unseen impact, knocking the two robots down.

Turrets spilled out of the hole and surrounded the two. Each laser guidance beam was trained on them. Atlas and P-body leapt up and stood against each other's backs. They rotated slowly to face all the turrets. P-body chirred uncertainly.

"None shall seal the path!" one of the turrets declared.

"The doors are open to those who will walk through," another added.

"The Truth is held inside."

"He who came before, He who guides us in the dark! He leads us to her!"

Atlas and P-body turned to glance at each other. Then P-body waved warily.

The turrets remained unmoved.

Atlas tried waving too, and got no response.

"Her servants cannot ensnare the righteous!" a turret insisted, stepping forward.

The two robots raised their portal guns defensively. They were immediately shot to pieces.

By the time the reassembly machine got around to picking up the pieces, the turrets were long-gone.

0

At last the androids had no choice but to take turns recharging. Wheatley had finally calmed the Emotion Sphere down so that it only growled softly when he patted its casing. He did this constantly. He also gathered up spare parts and tried to fit them together. Nothing fit perfectly, but with a little force he managed to cram together a pair of uneven legs with a steel loop on top that a sphere could rest in. He pointed at it proudly.

"It won't work," a turret whispered.

Wheatley frowned and stood his creation up. It teetered a little, but stayed. He nodded and picked up the Emotion Sphere, setting her gently on the loop. She growled up at him with a narrowed optic.

The android grinned and nodded. He stepped back and beckoned encouragingly.

Emotion's growling increased until suddenly she thrashed about, knocking the makeshift legs over. They broke apart beneath her, and she snarled and wobbled angrily away. Wheatley's face fell. He called silently for her to stop, and chased after her again.

Rick was showing off his body to the Curiosity and Morality spheres. Morality seemed disinterested, but he was more than happy to answer Curiosity's questions about himself.

"…Two cups rhubarb, sliced… two-thirds cup granulated rhubarb…"

Fact glanced down to find the dull blue core's top shutter far down over her optic.

"…The Intelligence Sphere is a good sphere," he said encouragingly.

"…One tablespoon all-purpose rhubarb."

"A corrupted core can be repaired."

The Intelligence Sphere heaved a sorrowful sigh. "One teaspoon grated orange rhubarb."

"Fact: Rabbits first cultivated rhubarb as a defense against their age-old enemies, moles."

"Three tablespoons rhubarb… on fire."

Craig frowned slightly. "A corrupted core can still be highly useful, even if not for its primary function. The Intelligence Sphere was designed to think and adapt."

"One large rhubarb…" The sphere's lower shutter had risen a bit in a smile. Fact smiled back a bit and patted it.

Craig watched the sphere for a moment as its recipe turned to needle injectors. "Fact," he said thoughtfully, "Sixty percent of mechanical problems can be solved by rebooting the system."

"Cranial caps."

"…There may be some obvious problem with the Intelligence Sphere's wiring that can be fixed easily." He frowned, chewing at his lower lip, then looked up. Wheatley was watching with interest. Craig frowned.

While the Intelligence Sphere rattled on about preservatives, Wheatley pointed to Craig, then the Intelligence Sphere, and mimed opening something and poking around inside.

Fact's mouth was a thin line, and he narrowed his eyes at Wheatley. "…The Fact Sphere was not designed to make repairs," he said, with a hint of uncertainty in his sharp, quick voice.

Wheatley paused, then pointed to Craig again, his head, and made a thumbs-up. He smiled.

The android blinked his pink eyes slowly at his smiling double. "…The Fact Sphere is the most intelligent sphere," he murmured to himself. Then he frowned again and picked up the Intelligence Sphere, bringing it close to his face. "The Face Sphere will attempt to repair the Intelligence Sphere," he said quietly.

The dull blue optic blinked slowly, and there was a skipping noise, and then, "Four large eggs."

"If the Intelligence Sphere does not agree with this action, it will make its wishes known in any way possible." He stared into the blue.

"One cup semi-sweet chocolate chips."

Fact sighed and gently set the sphere on his legs, facing away from him. Wheatley edged around to see, though he stayed back and kept the Emotion Sphere tightly in his arms.

The pink-eyed android fished a small double-sided screwdriver out of his pocket and gently pried up the rear panel. It was a bit singed, but there was the small panel protecting the shutdown switch, a little red button to trigger a constant scream, and a jumble of wires. There were rows of tiny microchips, and the reserve battery. Fact drew in a breath and bent over the core. He blew gently inside, dislodging some debris. Then he pulled a piece of cloth from his pocket and reached inside.

The moment he brushed a microchip, the core leapt and screamed, "TWO CUPS ALL PURPOSE FLOUR!" Fact quickly withdrew and turned the core around to look at it.

"In order to receive maintenance, the Intelligence Sphere will need to be shut down for a short time." He paused. "…The winner of the 1874 Triple Crown was Apology," he mentioned diffidently. Then his eyes turned steely. "The Intelligence Sphere will regain her function. The Fact Sphere is always right."

"Don't forget garnishes," the blue sphere murmured as Craig popped open the internal plate and gently shut it down.

They were still for a moment. Fact glanced up at Wheatley. The other android looked worried, but quickly gave him an enthusiastic smile and nod.

Craig bent over the sphere again. Painstakingly, he brushed off each microchip. There was a hardened glob of something black on one of them, and he had to flick that off with his screwdriver. Then he gently ran his cloth over each wire, checking the coating and smoothing it down as best he could where he found it frayed. He checked the connections, and pushed a few wires in more firmly. One had popped out, and the connector was bent. Fact had to fish it out and carefully straighten it. Even then, he had to twist and force it to go back in. When he had done all he felt comfortable with, he turned the sphere optic-up and blew inside again, dislodging some more dust. Then he set it down again and exhaled, rubbing his face with one hand.

A light touch on his shoulder made him look up. Wheatley caught his eye and pointed to the floor, where he had written, 'YOU ARE GOOD AT THIS.'

The Fact android looked down at the words, then up at Wheatley. He paused a moment, then turned back to flick the sphere's power back on and close the panels. "The Fact Sphere is the most intelligent sphere. The Fact Sphere is a good sphere… with many friends. An intelligence-based sphere such as the Fact Sphere would only find an equal in another intelligence-based sphere."

The Intelligence Sphere had been whirring softly as Craig turned it to face him. The blue optic already looked brighter. A skipping noise came from it again.

Skip, skip, skip, skip- CLICK. The wide blue iris suddenly contracted. It swiveled around and then focused on the android holding it with an incredulous smile on his face.

"…You seem to have succeeded." The voice was a quicker and sharper now, and rather breathless. "How surprising."

"The damage was mainly superficial," Fact said quickly, then stopped and frowned slightly.

"It must have been," the Intelligence Sphere replied vaguely. "Excuse me… Running diagnostics…"

Craig's frown deepened, and he gently put the sphere down on the ground. Wheatley was moving his mouth, obviously congratulating the other android. The Emotion Sphere was purring softly, leaning into his legs. Spotty pink eyes locked onto it for a moment.

Rick wandered over, a core under each arm. He jerked his chin at Wheatley. "You got that thing to settle down pretty good."

"Fact: The most effective way of calming an intense onslaught of emotions is to swim to Ürümqi, the most land-locked city in the world," Craig said reflectively, and twitched.

"Enough," the Intelligence Sphere said sharply. Fact cringed a little. "If you can't control your corrupted nature, keep your mouth closed."

The Adventure Android's eyes bugged out. "Holy shit, is that – Was that the Cake Sphere?"

The Intelligence sphere looked him up and down. "That comment was unnecessary, but considering my former state and your mental capacity, I will let it slide this time."

Craig glared at them both, but Wheatley excitedly mimed what he had done, and Rick's eyebrows rose.

"You fixed her? Damn. Did NOT expect that." He grinned, leaning down. "Hey, lovely lady-ball. You sound hot. Name's Rick. PLEASURE to meet you."

"The Curiosity Core seems to have held up remarkably well. Morality, on the other hand…" Intelligence swiveled and looked up at the two cores, completely ignoring Adventure. "Hmm… She will need repairing." It turned back to Craig, who was frowning resentfully. "You will have to perform the repairs. I will tell you what to do."

"Fact: The Fact Sphere is NOT programmed for repairs," Craig spat out.

"Obviously. But there are not many choices available. You will have to do."

Craig bridled, teeth clenched.

"Damn, four-eyes, she's got you whipped pretty good. Guess you ain't the biggest nerd around anymore. Just the biggest one with four limbs."

The blue sphere glanced at Rick dismissively. "There is no comparison. It would be like comparing the internet to a dictionary written by a pre-adolescent child. I am without equal."

The pink-eyed android's face was red, and he looked like he might rip off the blue core's handles with his teeth. "The Intelligence Sphere was nothing but an oral recipe for ruined cake until recently!" he growled.

The sphere's handles and shutters twitched in a slight shrug. "Luckily, that is no longer the case."

Wheatley stepped up and put a hand on Fact's arm, the other hand making placating gestures. He smiled appealingly, but moved his lips quickly in explanations and reprimands.

The sphere's shutters narrowed. "Keep that thing back."

Craig had been about to shake Wheatley off, but he paused. "…The Intelligence Dampening Sphere is the designated antithesis of the Intelligence Sphere." A nasty smirk crossed his face. "The Intelligence Dampening Sphere will do what he pleases.

"He will NOT, around me. You, moron! Stay away! Do NOT touch me!" the sphere ordered.

Wheatley glared down at the sphere and pointed down at it, mouth moving emphatically.

Fact cleared his throat and snatched the sphere up by one handle. "The Intelligence Sphere will show more respect and appreciation. If not, the Intelligence Dampening Sphere will carry her until the end of his time here."

The two stared each other down; spotted pink eyes into deep blue optic lens.

"The Intelligence Sphere is a know-it-all with no real influence, and is helpless without someone to carry her."

"Your body is all you have to feel superior about. What a shame you lack even the ability to speak properly. Still, none of us can help our programming. Now, the Morality Sphere needs repairs. Are you finished spouting nonsense?"

Craig's lips pulled back in a silent snarl, but he grabbed the Morality Sphere from Rick.


	7. Chapter 7

7.

Chell wasn't sure how long she had been testing, but she was starting to feel like she had before. The constant danger, artificial light, and adrenal vapors pumped into the air kept her alert, but she could feel the deep tiredness setting in. Only the sound of that voice, ever-present, always watching, pushing her forward. When she solved a test, she lay down in the antechamber for as long as GLaDOS would let her, falling asleep as soon as she curled up on the floor. She gave in and slurped down nutrition packets without tasting them. After a while it was impossible for her mind to wander to escape, to the androids, to any world beyond the test track in front of her. GLaDOS's voice barely registered, but it was better that way.

After a while, an insidious thought wormed its way into her head. If she could just keep testing and testing, maybe everyone else would be all right. Maybe no one else would disappear from the surface, and turn into a splash of blood or a pile of limbs deep below the ground where no one would ever see them but her and Her.

Only for another sixty years or so. Or until she got too slow.

Chell's knees faltered as she sprang up to a ledge, and she had to fight and scramble, but she knew she was losing the battle. She clawed at the floor as she slipped back down towards the awful dark water.

Suddenly the panel she was sliding down turned and she tumbled into darkness.

"Ohhh, this is getting ridiculous," GLaDOS muttered.

Chell slid in head-first, but stuck out bent arms and somersaulted into a ready crouch. As her eyes adjusted, she saw that there was nothing really in front of her except a tunnel that branched in the distance.

"Hello, friend."

She whirled around and leapt into the air towards the sound.

Two turrets stood by the now-closed panel, their lights off.

"Can I help you?" one murmured softly. "Friend?"

Chell scrambled to stop her trajectory, and landed just next to the turrets. They giggled to each other. She straightened up, rubbing her shoulder.

"Safe, she can't see," the first one piped up.

"Come, come," said the other, and they both took a few steps towards the tunnel.

Chell hesitated. Her adrenaline haze was beginning to fade.

"Come in, come away."

"Take refuge now."

The silent woman's shoulders drooped marginally. She resettled her pack on her back and trudged after them.

GLaDOS's voice echoed from below, but it was fainter now. "I may not be able to see you, but I know you're there… You can't hide for long, you know." She laughed. "I could just wait until the ceiling gives out. I doubt it can hold your weight for long."

Chell followed the turrets through the tunnels as they cooed encouragement. She tried to pay close attention, but the dim dens started to blur and run together.

"Soon, soon! Soon to rest."

"Here," one finally murmured. "Come, come in."

Chell stumbled after the turrets, and ducked through a crack in the wall.

It was a massive room, almost as big as the central mainframe chamber. Turrets of all types were gathered, chattering in their high little voices. She noticed a little burn mark shaped like a crown on one of them, then started noticing it on more and more. They may all have had it. There were spare panels attached to the walls, and she recognized paintings of herself: the ones she had seen in the dens before, when she had been escaping.

"She has come!" one of her guides called triumphantly. "She walks among us!"

The swarm of robots immediately quieted and swiveled to face her. She stood still and tense.

But then something drew her attention from the crowd. In the back of the room, a massive shape stepped forward. It triggered a memory.

_She had thought she was dead at every turn that day. She had tried so hard to hold onto the blue-eyed core, who suddenly sounded small and afraid again, but had lost him. But GLaDOS pulled her back. Saved her. Sent her to freedom._

_ As the elevator rose and her knees grew weak and dizziness began to overpower her, she slowed and stopped in front of four turrets. All that work for nothing, for a betrayal, almost worse than the glowing blue core. She had no defense, no way to fight them, and they all had her in their sights-_

_ Then the red beams turned off, and the turrets began to sing._

_ Her ascent continued past a vast room packed with a symphony of turrets. In the center was an egg-shaped one with such a strong, high voice that brought tears to her eyes._

_ In the back was a beast of a turret – literally. It was as big as a house, and spotted like a leopard. It wore a pointed golden crown, and reverberated with a deep, resonant thrum._

Chell stared at the Animal King Turret. It stared at her. The other turrets began to whisper excitedly.

"Come, come, friend," her guides purred. She hesitated, then followed them, glancing around as she walked. At this point, if they were going to attack, running would do her no good.

As she passed, the turrets whispered and chittered. Some bowed.

"As it is written. She endures. She has shown mercy. She walks among us!"

Chell bit her lip uncomfortably, then looked up as she approached the giant turret. It rumbled softly, and when her escorts stepped aside, she stopped. The two eyed each other. It seemed to be waiting for something, so she stretched out her hand, slowly.

The king extended its gun-wing just slightly and emitted a deep, resonating note. The smaller turrets immediately answered with higher notes, not a melody, but a soft harmony.

The test subject smiled, and the turrets chattered in excitement.

"She has come! She has come to us! Friend! Fearless!"

The king rumbled again and took a massive step forward. Chell braced herself, hunching down a bit. He stopped over her and let out a loud bass tone.

"Our Savior," the others murmured. "Not to be harmed. To protect. To preserve. To help. As it is written, as it has been entered."

Chell was frowning slightly, and gingerly stepped out from under the king. She raised her hand to him, then looked around.

"Rest now," one of her little guides whispered. "You're safe."

She smiled slightly, feeling the weight of the constant testing suddenly crash into her. She was led to a platform covered in blankets and cushions.

"Here, here. Rest."

Despite the lingering feeling of oddity magnified by every turret in the room watching her, she found herself sinking into the nest and curling up. As she quickly fell asleep, she heard the turrets begin humming softly to her.

Twice, a squad of turrets raced out of the den. Too far away to hear, there was shooting punctuated by explosions. Fewer turrets returned than had left. Chell slept on.

0

"Hold it – No, keep that wire still," the Intelligence Sphere was dictating from her seat on top of a Companion Cube. "Keep it STILL, I said. The BLUE one. NOW. Reach past it WITHOUT moving it, and unscrew the switch plate below."

Fact's eyes were narrowed in concentration, and every artificial muscle was tense as he silently unscrewed the plate. Wheatley was shining a bright light inside the Morality sphere. It wasn't steady, but when Craig had told Rick to hold it instead, it only hit where he was looking 30% of the time. The Curiosity and Emotion Spheres were sitting nearby, and most of the other robots had gathered around to watch. Rick kept bringing up stories about his past adventures, many of them completely defying anyone's definition of reality.

"…So there I am, ridin' two crocs down the river, one foot on each… And the whole river's a whitewater nightmare. Rushin' like a racecar. And all kinds 'a trees growin' overhead, and every branch has ten snakes hangin' down. Big snakes. Thick around as I am, and just eyein' me, lickin' their snaky lips. Oh! And then ya got either side 'a the river, there's all these… Amazon warriors. Naked women, tall, muscled, all holdin' swords, spears, bears on a chain… 'Course, I flashed 'em a little smile and they fainted at the sight 'a me. No lady can resist THIS. Normally I like 'em a little softer, but Rick's an equal opportunity lover. All the ladies got their charm. You got a skirt, you got a free ticket to the sexiest ride on Earth. Ridin' the Rick. That's right, you know what I'm talkin' about." The Adventure Android paused to flash a wicked grin at the skeletal frame of a turret with long legs and arms, much like P-body. It blipped uncertainly. His grin widened and he slowly approached the smaller robot.

"Yep, I was just headin' down this ragin' river – Size 'a the ocean, really. Standin' on the crocs, after I wrestled 'em into submission. They knew who's the boss. Then there's this great big… splash, way in front 'a me. And I see this fin, 'bout as big as me. Then this great white shark bursts outta the water, all snarlin' and snappin' and out for blood. It's chargin' right at me. So ya know what I do?"

He was now leaning over the robot, a predatory grin across his face. "I give those crocs a kick, look that shark right in the eye, and I say, 'Bring it on.'"

He had much of the crowd's attention now, and a few robots chittered to each other.

Rick laughed and straightened up. "So then I punched the shark right in the face!" His fist flew out. "And I kicked its nose right over its tail!" His swung a kick in the air. "An' I grabbed it by the fin and I headbutted it!" He mimed this as well.

"…Light is unhelpful if it is not pointing at its target," the Fact Android growled, and Wheatley startled, his head swinging back to him from Rick, and quickly adjusting the light.

"TRY to focus on the task at hand," the Intelligence Sphere reprimanded them both, rolling her iris. "Now, do you see that small copper wire? No, not the BLUE one again. We have moved past that."

"The Fact Sphere is AWARE," Craig snarled.

"Well, you keep touching it. Now, the copper wire must be handled with the utmost delicacy. You should see a small steel knob. The copper wire will need to attach to that in such a way that it forms a perfect circle around the knob without ever touching it. First – Why are you twisting the wire!?" Her voice rose.

"The Intelligence Sphere JUST finished saying –"

"No, no, AFTER you ground the other end! Even switched off, if that wire actually touches the knob before it is grounded, the potential energy alone will produce a massive shock that will undo all the work you just did!"

Craig ground his teeth together. "The Intelligence Sphere has failed to give directions in a useful manner."

"Please, you can hardly continue to blame your impulsive behavior on others."

"The Fact Sphere is NEVER impulsive."

"The Fact Sphere is not much for electrical work," the feminine sphere mocked him.

Fact went perfectly still, the tiny copper wire still held delicately in a makeshift set of forceps. Wheatley could only stare.

"The Intelligence Sphere will explain how to ground the wire," he said, deadly calm.

"The end attached to the panel needs to have a protective base of a non-conducive substance such as plastic or rubber."

"Fact: There is no plastic or rubber available in the Morality Sphere."

"No, it was removed. Now you will have to find some. Without moving the wire you are currently holding."

Craig exhaled through clenched teeth, then looked up. "Any further information about the procedure would be helpful at this time," he stated flatly.

"That is all I can tell you. Whether she lives or dies now is entirely in your hands. I do regret not talking more with her when I had the chance…"

"The Intelligence Dampening Sphere will take the Intelligence Sphere away," Fact snapped sharply. "…and… dampen her."

Wheatley reddened and stammered. The light he held jerked about.

"I have no idea what nonsense you might be blathering now, but it stops now."

Craig's head turned to the portion of the robots still watching him. "Whoever can hold a light steady will come forward.

There was some shuffling, and a spindly robot stepped out. It was all arms and legs, with a place for some sort of solid middle, but nothing there. Craig nodded at the Companion Cube, and the robot hopped up. It took the flashlight from Wheatley. Next to it, Intelligence rocked angrily.

"This is completely unacceptable. You lack the knowledge and ability, and – NO, stay away!"

Wheatley had reached down cautiously, but jerked back when the core screeched at him.

Craig turned to the other android with a frown. "The Intelligence Sphere is only a sphere. The Intelligence Dampening Sphere has hands and limbs, and was made to counteract her."

"Keep that thing away! I will not stand for it!"

Wheatley looked concerned and confused, still trying to get to his point as his lips moved quickly.

"…The Intelligence Dampening Sphere will take the Intelligence Sphere away… and talk to her. Or write –" His eyes widened. "Pencil erasers are made of… semi-toxic, grape-flavored… rubber." His eyes squeezed shut as he suppressed a twitch. "FIRST, the Intelligence Dampening Sphere will give me a pencil eraser, THEN take the Intelligence Sphere away and fulfill his primary function." He paused and looked up at Wheatley. "…The Intelligence Sphere is afraid of the Intelligence Dampening Sphere. This gives the Intelligence Dampening Sphere a clear advantage."

Wheatley hesitated, then took a pencil out of his pocket. He tugged and broke off the eraser, and handed it to Craig, who snatched it from him. Then the blue-eyed android grimaced and gingerly picked up the Intelligence Sphere by the end of her handle, wincing at the scathing torrent of abuse that she screamed, and carried her off at arm's length. He wandered around a bit, then finally set the sphere on a storage cube and sat down opposite her.

"Urgh, it TOUCHED me… Get away from me, you cretin! I have a purpose here, unlike you! Without my guidance, that damaged core will completely destroy the Morality Sphere!"

Wheatley shook his head, moving his lips and pointing over at Fact, who was bent over the other sphere.

"Help! A moron stole me!"

Suddenly Wheatley picked her up, glaring hard at her. He stared hard into her optic and mouthed, 'NOT. A. MORON,' and gave her a good shake for emphasis.

"Hey now, whatcha doin' with that pretty lady sphere?" Rick sauntered over, frowning. A number of robots were following him.

Wheatley pointed at her and then over at Craig and made some gestures while he spoke soundlessly.

"Whoa there, pal. She was helpin' four-eyes over there."

Wheatley shook his head adamantly. He picked up his pencil and wrote on the wall, 'HE SAID TAKE HER AWAY.' He looked at it, and as an afterthought, wrote, 'SHE IS MEAN.'

"Mean? Oh, now I can't believe that." Rick picked up the Intelligence Sphere.

"That IDIOT is making false claims and sent me away with this MORON just when he needed my guidance most," Intelligence hissed.

"Aww, he'll do that, hun. He'll do that every day 'a his life. It's why he ain't found a woman. What girl's gonna put up with that, huh? But don't you worry, Rick knows how to treat a lady."

"What the HELL are you doing!?" she demanded as he scooped her up in one arm.

"Just tryin' to cheer you up, angel. Now let's see. You like diamonds? A girl's best friend, till she meets ol' Rick. I got a story about diamonds you'd like. I was chasin' this girl, and bought her a bracelet full 'a diamonds the size 'a my fist, but then she was abducted to Mars, an' I had a whole planet 'a green men to fight off…"

"Put me down, you buffoon! This is absurd! All three of you may as well be Intelligence Dampeners, because THAT is the only function you seem capable of fulfilling! YOU could not win a fight with a defective turret's severed leg! 'Adventure Sphere?' You are incapable of even finding the exit to this chamber."

Rick was frowning deeply, and Wheatley gestured at the sphere. "Just look here, darlin'. Is that any way to talk to people who're just bein' nice?"

"You are ALL morons. Every one of you."

Adventure's eyebrows rose a little, and he looked at Wheatley. "Well, damn. I see why she got four-eyes' knickers in a twist. He ain't equipped to handle that much woman." He grinned. "But I sure am. Rick knows how to tame a filly." He grinned, rocking the sphere in his arm.

"Unhand me, you disgusting –"

"Sh, shh, sweet thing. Just you hush now. And don't you worry, no woman's too much for Rick."

Wheatley couldn't help but laugh as the Adventure Android launched into a long, rambling account of the 'fillies' he'd tamed.

Meanwhile, after taking a few deep, calming breaths, Fact had used the eraser to carefully ground the wire, made a perfect loop with the other end, and gently arranged it around the steel knob. When it was secure, he carefully let go and screwed the panel that had covered the wire and knob back into place. He replaced the other panels as well, up to the top.

"Are you done? What'd you do? Is Morality back? Is she awake? Can I talk to her? Can I see?" Curiosity asked, her iris rotating around. She had managed to remain quiet up until this point.

"Further work may be necessary." Fact glanced across the room to where Wheatley was caught in a silent fit of laughter while Rick set Intelligence on top of his bicep and flexed it. He smirked slightly.

"Was it hard? It sounded hard! Did you do it right?"

"Data is inconclusive at this time." He twitched hard. "Raisins are a type of shellfish found at the bottom of freshwater wells."

"They are? What kind of shellfish? What do they look like? Do people eat them? Do they taste good? What do they taste like? Do they make a sound? Can you hear underwater?"

The Fact Android frowned witheringly at the golden core. "Questioning inaccurate facts is a waste of time," he said coldly.

"Why? Aren't you the Fact Sphere? Don't you say facts? Why are they inaccurate? How do you know? Have you ever seen a raisin?"

His frown continued to deepen. "The Fact Sphere has never seen a raisin," he admitted gravely.

"Then it might be that shellfish?"

He waited for more questions, but there were none. "…False: A raisin is a dried grape, often eaten by humans. It has… no connection with shellfish," he said, enunciating carefully.

"How do you know? Did you find out?"

"It is an indisputable fact. The Fact Sphere is always right." His eyes darted shiftily.

She stared up at him for a moment. "You know a lot! How'd you get a human-body? What about your friends? Did you know each other before? How long?"

"…The Morality Sphere may need additional repairs," Craig said when she trailed off. "The Morality Sphere is my current priority." He picked up the inactive sphere.

"Oh," Curiosity sighed. "Intelligence wouldn't answer much either. She's smart like you."

The spotty pink eyes narrowed. "The Fact Sphere is NOT similar to the Intelligence Sphere," he growled, then stepped back. "The Fact Sphere will answer ALL questions when the Morality Sphere has been sufficiently repaired." He turned and picked his way through the turrets to the other androids and the Intelligence Sphere.

"The wire has been grounded and looped around the knob," he interrupted loftily. Rick had been crooning a song to the sphere in his arms, and Wheatley was rolling with laughter.

"Oh, hey four-eyes! I hear you're havin' lady troubles. You got one hell of a woman here, not surprised you couldn't handle her!"

"God, what a nightmare." The Intelligence Core shuddered, then looked up. "I see you managed to kill the Morality Sphere. You must be very proud."

Craig clenched his jaw. "The task was completed as directed. The Intelligence Sphere did not specify whether any additional repairs would be necessary."

"No, that should have been it," she sighed. "Yet you still found a way –"

"The Intelligence Dampening Sphere clearly was not given adequate time to complete his task," Craig muttered, rolling his eyes. He flipped the panels up and switched the Morality Sphere on, then gently snapped her panels shut.

Dim purple light bloomed inside the core, and it grew brighter as the iris swung around to take them all in.

"What happened to me?" a soft voice moaned.

"Well, gorgeous, welcome to the world!" Rick turned and grinned, still holding the Intelligence Sphere. "Name's Rick. You've been out a long time."

"Exposure to the central core's hostile programming led to serious damage to the Morality Core," Fact said.

The wide purple eye swiveled around. "You fixed me?"

"True."

"He did the most delicate work without my aid, so any problems you have in the future can be placed ENTIRELY on him," the Intelligence Sphere muttered.

The purple core focused on the blue one, and her lower shutter rose in a smile. "Intelligence," she said warmly. "Placing blame isn't helpful."

"Oh, now this one's a sweetheart," Rick said appreciatively, stroking the Morality Sphere's handle. "Got a voice like a songbird, darlin'."

Craig gave a little cough. "Since the spheres are repaired, the next order of business should be escape."

"Hardly a surprise you were thrown in here," Intelligence muttered resentfully. "The solution is not difficult."

"PERHAPS the Intelligence Sphere would like to elaborate," Fact growled.

"No. I most certainly would not," Intelligence replied shortly, and closed her shutters.

"That isn't nice," Morality said gently.

"I have never been the 'nice sphere,' Morality," Intelligence snapped.

"But wouldn't it be good to try a little?"

"I fail to see why..."

A while later, Fact went back to the Curiosity and Emotion Spheres. Wheatley trailed after him.

"Did it work? Did you fix Morality? Was everybody happy? I wish I could walk like you! How'd you get a body? What's gonna happen now?"

"The Fact Sphere will answer ONE question at a time," he said sharply. "The repairs were successful. The Morality Sphere seems to be fully functional. …The Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System transferred the Spheres' consciousness into Aperture Science Humanoid Multipurpose Personality Core Mobilization Units."

"Ooh, why'd she do that?"

The Fact Android opened his mouth and closed it. "…There is very little evidence to support any explanation," he said slowly. He shut his mouth again. "The mainframe has its own programming. She does not explain Herself."

Wheatley edged over, and Craig glanced up with a frown. The other android grinned a little apologetically, lips moving quickly as he gestured vaguely.

"Who's that? Is he your friend? What does he do? Is he as smart as you are? Does he tell funny stories like Rick? Did he really break a boulder with just his teeth?"

"The Curiosity Core will limit questions to ONE at a time," Fact reminded her sharply. "And the Adventure Sphere has done none of what he claims." He nodded up to Wheatley. "The Intelligence Dampening Sphere has no storytelling ability, and was programmed to have bad ideas and very little intelligence."

Wheatley deflated.

"The Intelligence Dampening Sphere refers to himself as Wheatley."

The blue-eyed android's head jerked up with a little grin, and began talking quickly.

Craig looked at him blandly. "…The Intelligence Dampening Sphere is completely unable to stop talking, even when it is physically impossible for him to speak."

Wheatley ignored this cheerfully.

0

Chell didn't often dream, and when she did, they were usually nightmares. But once in a while, something else would claim her sleeping mind.

She stood in the wheat field. The whole world was covered in wheat, and it made a dry, rattling sound as it waved in the breeze. She walked with her Companion Cube in her arms and felt the wind blow the loose bits of hair, though she couldn't feel it on her face.

She didn't know how long she had been walking, but at last she reached the end of the field. It was sudden: One minute she was walking in a world of wheat, and the next she was stepping under a big tree. The forest was dark and quiet, and the sound of the wheat vanished.

Chell took a few steps, and there was the house. The house she had lived in for… not quite five years. Close enough to the city that she could walk there in a day to trade, but not close enough that anyone was likely to happen upon it. She didn't have to see it or smell and taste it every day, or hear all the shouting and jeering and worse. Hidden away in the trees, and too far for most of the thieves and assaultists and worse to find her often. None ever visited twice. Hidden from the massive beasts that sometimes thundered by. She had lived in town for a while. Just long enough for her to decide that if she had to watch for armed robbers and murderers and rapists every second of the day, where everyone had a different way of taking advantage of her, she'd be better off in Aperture.

The house was big and old, and some parts were crumbling. In the middle was a courtyard with flowers and vegetables and colorful tiles, all cracked and scattered. There had been a water garden at one point, or maybe a fish pond, but it was just broken concrete now. She set down the Companion Cube by the flowers. It never spoke to her, but she liked to think it liked the fresh air and bright colors.

There was a fire in the fireplace, which she had only dared to light twice, and both times swore never to do it again with all the smoke and soot that flooded the house. But this was bright and cheery and warm.

On the ceiling was a management rail.

"Welcome back, luv!" a chipper voice called. She turned to see Wheatley, a sphere once more, zip over. "Missed you! Any luck today? Ooh, of course! You're quite the hunter! Just brilliant, you are."

She looked down and noticed that she was holding a string of skinned rabbits in one hand, and perfectly tanned hides in the other.

"You'll eat well tonight, and for a long time after!" Wheatley was still going, rocking back and forth happily on his rail. "And I was thinking, just a thought, don't have to answer right now, just an… idea I had… but when are you going to town next? Because I'd love to go with you one of these times! Now, I know what you're thinking, but I think I could be a real asset in your trading. You know what a… skilled negotiator I am. So I could help you. And I'd LOVE to see all the humans and their society! Oh, you have no idea! I mean, I do read a lot… as you know. I'm… quite the intellectual… but actually seeing it and BEING there? It'd be… better than a zoo!"

She stared at him.

"Not… not that they'd… not that I'D be… Hm. Well. Uh, maybe you could just… forget I said anything… Bit insensitive of me there… Sorry about that… Didn't really… But OH, it'd be exciting! If you want. I'll be on my BEST behavior. Dot all my P's and Q's. Pinkies in and toes up and everything, I promise! I'd just really love it. To go out. With you. To the city, I mean. Sounds RIVETING, the way you talk about it. Write. The way you write about it. Just fascinating."

She laughed softly and tilted her head, then set the rabbit skins on an end table (a rich, smooth wood – nothing like what was really there) and went to the kitchen.

There was an android standing by the stove, and she could hear the sizzle of something in the big skillet, but couldn't smell anything. The android poured some pale liquid in a short movement, then shook a dried green herb over the concoction.

"Fact: The cooking process facilitates the efficient digestion of food, which led to the evolutionary shrinking of the human digestive tract. This in turn made standing upright an easier task." Craig glanced back at her calmly. "The Fact Sphere is highly skilled at cooking, and this will be the most delicious meal you have ever eaten."

Chell's smile grew.

"Hey there, gorgeous!" Rick strode in and slapped a huge, wriggling fish onto the butcher block island in the center of the room. Craig made a disgusted sound. "Caught you this today. Had to wrestle it away from ten giant bears all at once, but they were no match fer my tae kwon do."

"Fact: Tae kwon do was invented by hermits on the island of Dokdo, also known as Takeshima. It was employed by the Koreans to combat the Japanese karate masters." Craig's face twitched slightly, and he turned back to the skillet.

"Oh yeah?" Rick grinned.

"The Fact Sphere is always right."

"Oh, wow! Look at that fish!" Wheatley scooted in on his rail. "That's huge! Bloody massive! It's been a good day, hasn't it? Chell, you're set for a good long time with all this! Did you get that down at the river?"

"Nah, I went up to the lake today. Lookin' for squiddies, actually. Oh, that reminds me – you gotta see this, angel. Out back. C'mon!"

Chell followed Rick through the rear rooms, all bright, warm, and soft. Not the way she remembered them, but it felt right.

There was a high cast iron fence around a large area behind the house, and it seemed to contain a whole forest on its own. Wheatley followed them on the management rail that seemed to move with him. Craig stood in the doorway.

"Now I don't plan to keep this one, but I just wanted you to see it. These guys usually stay up north, but this cutie was just playin' around right there on the shore."

As they walked, animals came out of the trees to follow them. There were bullsquid and goats and wolves and… turrets. There was a whole herd of turrets whispering happily. The animals trailed after them, but the turrets flocked around Chell and whispered things she couldn't quite understand. She touched each of them, and they fell back with gleeful laughter.

"Okay, yer not gonna believe it. This is just spectacular. I had to show ya, and she's just a beauty." Rick whistled, and from out of the trees came a huge polar bear. It padded softly up to her, and when it got close, she saw that it had glowing, golden eyes. She drew back, but the bear just gave her a serious look.

"Are you pleased with yourself?" said the bear, her voice dryly mechanical but feminine. "I hope you're happy now."

Chell stared, and slowly reached out to touch it.

"I sent you away for a reason. Don't come back. REALLY, this time." The bear's eyes narrowed, but then the massive muzzle bumped her hand, all the way up to her ribs. It stared at her for a moment longer before turning and walking away with surprising grace.

Chell smiled warmly and turned around –

No one was there. The trees were bare, there was no fence, no animals or turrets, and the cold wind moaned, shaking the old building. The house was dark now. Rick and Wheatley had vanished, along with the management rail, and she couldn't see Craig inside. For a moment she couldn't move. She knew what would be inside if she returned. Cold, empty, dark rooms that creaked and barely kept out the cold. Terrible, crushing silence. No one. Nothing. Just another tumbledown building in the middle of nowhere.

Chell shuddered and turned over, then slowly relaxed into dreamless sleep again.


	8. Chapter 8

8.

When Chell woke, the turrets were still watching her and humming softly. She sat up and stretched. Then she pulled a nutrition packet out of her pack and swallowed the contents without tasting it.

There was some shuffling, and a turret with only the left half of its white outer shell intact crept forward awkwardly, dragging a vine behind it.

"A gift?" it quavered. It walked all the way up to her and reached out a thin leg very slowly until the tip touched her knee. It quickly pulled back with a little gasp of delight, and dragged its vine closer. "A gift for Her?"

Chell picked up the vine uncertainly, and found two small sweet potatoes hanging on it. She blinked.

"For Her to eat?"

A smile slowly formed on her face, and she turned the tubers over in her hands. They were clean and solid and felt so REAL after all the slick, manufactured surfaces. She smelled them and rubbed them lightly over her cheek and lips. All the turrets were watching her. She took a small bite of one, and couldn't help the little shiver and sigh of pleasure at the fresh taste. She ate it slowly, savoring every crunchy bite, then carefully wrapped the other one up and stuck it in her bag. She reached her hand out to the half-shelled turret.

The little robot slowly approached her again. "Was the product acceptable?" it asked cautiously.

Her smile grew, and she nodded. She stretched a bit to caress the turret's bare frame.

"Oh!" the turret leaned into her touch.

"Friend! Friend," The other turrets whispered to each other in awe.

Chell stood up and looked around uncertainly.

"…To stay?" a white turret asked her. "To return?"

She hesitated, looking around. It was warmer here than in the testing chambers, or in the dusty halls of Old Aperture. The turrets were friendly and helpful, if a bit strange. They were better company than most humans she had met in her five years outside. It WOULD be possible, just to stay. It could be a peaceful, hidden life.

Chell shook her head. She pointed back the way she had come in.

"She is not of our world," another turret scolded the one who had asked her. "She walks in light. She flies on air."

Chell took a little note pad and pencil out of her pack. She wrote, 'Thank you' on a sheet, then tore it off and showed it to the turrets. They murmured and shifted from foot to foot. She picked her way through them to the king, who was now resting on the floor. Pressed against him was the egg-shaped singing turret. Chell held up her sign to them.

The spotted king turret rumbled low in his frame. Chell carefully set the paper down in front of him, making the motion into an awkward bow, then backed away, still watching cautiously. The king resettled his side sections and gave a noncommittal growl.

"Come, friend," a turret called to her, and she followed it out of the chamber. When she left, the other turrets all crowded around her note to see and touch it.

It didn't take as long as she expected to get back to the end of the path, where she had fallen through the panel. There was a lot of debris she didn't remember, though, and she pointed out the mangled metal to her guide.

"We keep Her safe, for she has saved us from Redemption," the turret explained calmly.

A frown creased her forehead. She knelt down and picked up a bent turret leg. It was small and fragile.

"We protect Her."

Chell turned and shook her head.

"She has saved us, so we will lay down our lives at her feet."

Her face twisted in a sick grimace. She squeezed the severed leg and shook her head firmly. She wrapped her other hand gently around the turret's side and looked down at it.

"Our lives are our own," it whispered to her. "Ours! Glorious freedom!"

Chell took a deep breath. Her thumb stroked the turret fondly, and she carefully set down the broken leg and stood again. She patted the turret on its top once, then went to touch the panel.

"Just a minute." The turret skittered over and poked a mechanism near the ground. The panel rotated so it was perpendicular to the others.

With a last sad smile, Chell stepped out into the harsh light again. She turned and bounced on the balls of her feet a few times before springing straight up in the air. She spun herself when she got up high enough, and landed gracefully on the ledge she had just missed before.

"THERE you are!" GLaDOS's voice cut through the silence. "Do you know how long you were gone? Twelve hours! I've had to put numerous other projects on hold while I sent robots to fetch you. Quite a few of them never returned. Not that you care. You heartless, psychopathic monster. What were you doing in there…?" She paused to watch Chell duck and weave through spurts of fire. In the middle she let out a sudden train whistle sound, which the test subject ignored. "From your energy level and girth, I can only assume you found a food stash. You DO look well… nourished."

Chell grabbed up an Edgeless Safety Cube as she leapt around the flames, dancing and weaving through them. At last she sprung off an Aerial Faith Plate and neatly dropped the ball into a receptacle on a pillar a split second before flames erupted from it. Her momentum carried her to a platform with another Aerial Faith Plate. She took stock of the room before lightly jumping onto it, gracefully springing from plate to plate up a tall shaft that had opened until she finally reached the exit.

"You have completed this test slower than any other test subject on record," GLaDOS informed her flatly. "…Well-done. You know, before that little stunt you pulled back there, I was planning to give you a break when you completed this test. There was going to be a party, just for you. I took the liberty of choosing the guests, since you have no friends to invite. I did attempt to invite the personality cores you've been hanging around, but I'm afraid they just weren't interested. Oh well. I'm sure they had a good reason. The moron in particular mentioned he would rather jump in the incinerator. So that's funny. And I tried to reach your birth parents again, but of course, they never loved you. They also moved away while you were gone. They didn't leave a forwarding address, but they did say it's so much nicer without you around. Anyway, since you clearly are in no need of further sustenance, let's continue testing."

The exit door spun open, and Chell walked through and entered the elevator.

"And don't forget! You still have that surprise coming up. I think you'll like it. Really, this time. I'm not just saying that. You must be terribly lonely, since everyone has abandoned you. Of course there's your parents… Quite a number of foster families, too. The idiot metal ball. Your school teachers and classmates. Too many to list, really. It's all here in your file, though. You'd be amazed at everything that's been noted here. Here's an interesting fact: The Enrichment Center accepted many volunteer test subjects, but you were the only one to be volunteered by others. Multiple times, in fact. Hm! …You know, speaking of the moron, I forgot to ask. How did you like seeing him again? Did he try to kill you yet? I'll tell you something: I honestly hadn't planned to disable his voice, but I had forgotten how… grating it can be. So I thought, perhaps I owe you a favor. I can give you that much, at least. Since he and the other two are all trying to kill you. And each other. But at least you'll be able to hear yourself think until then."

The elevator stopped in a new antechamber, and Chell stepped out, tense and ready.

"I thought you should know that I've done a few tune-ups on the neurotoxin emitters. They're more efficient than ever, with double the capacity. I thought that might interest you. I'm certainly pleased with it. I can't wait to test it out…" The robotic voice laughed softly. "But for the moment, I'll let you waddle along to the next test. I think after that, your surprise will be ready! Aren't you thrilled? Now I don't want to disappoint you, but… the surprise is NOT cake. It's not even edible. I suppose you could try, but you'd find it very hard to bite into and not at all nourishing. I know it's disappointing. But try to look forward to it anyway."

Chell entered the test chamber and stopped. Every surface was covered in mirrors. It was hard to even see where the actual chamber's boundaries were.

"You know, sometimes I think you don't listen very well when I talk to you…" GLaDOS mused. "And I do want to get my message into that thick skull of yours. But sometimes words just aren't enough. That's not your fault. You can't help being subpar in so many areas. So I thought I'd do you a favor and show you. I'd like you to take this opportunity to really reflect on yourself. What a terrible person you are. How ugly you are: Not just your face, remember. 'Ugly' refers to your entire body. So, so hideous. And one mirror just wouldn't do it. No, it takes an entire test chamber of mirrors to capture your bulk. Note the asymmetrical arm length. The dull, lifeless eyes. Like a fish, really. The hair like a dead squirrel that's been lying in the road for a week. The faint ashy tone to the skin. Don't forget that mole under your left ear. I wonder, is it cancerous? Something to think about. Then there's your… unfortunate… shape. You put me in mind of a manatee… who's just swallowed a rhinoceros. On the plus side, you should be proud that you can move at all, built like that. Maybe it's a good thing that everyone has abandoned you. Would you really want anyone to see this?"

Chell was walking around the room cautiously, kicking into things occasionally with her hands stretched out a bit. She made a mental note of where the walls were, what platforms she could see, and which cubes she saw were real and which were reflections.

"It looks like you're really giving this the proper consideration. I'm glad to see that. It's a welcome change. Well, I'll just leave you to it, then. Just call if you need anything." Her laughter faded out, leaving Chell in silence. The woman began picking up cubes.

0

"Where're y'all plannin' to go, precious?" Rick asked the Intelligence Sphere, holding her in one arm and Morality in the other. He had brought them over to the other androids and spheres.

"We have unfinished business to settle," Intelligence said shortly. "We were programmed to hold GLaDOS at bay."

"The Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System could not be stopped before," Fact pointed out.

The blue core swiveled to face him. "This time we are prepared. I know exactly what to do. With Morality and myself at full strength, there is little she can do to stop us."

"History has proven that statement false."

Intelligence's shutters narrowed. "Oh really. And you think a combination of stupidity, false information, and bragging will even begin to make a dent in Her defenses?"

"…The test subject has taken out the central core twice in the past."

"The test subject. Right. Oh, she has done well in the past, but her skills really only include solving tests and detaching or attaching spheres. Humans have very limited usefulness."

Wheatley stepped closer and moved his lips.

"Get away. You there, core mobilizing unit!" she called. The frame that had held the light while Craig worked crept forward. "You can make yourself useful. Come here."

The odd-looking robot walked over, carefully lifted the Intelligence Sphere, and gently set it in the cradle between its limbs. There was a fizzling sound and it slumped for a moment, then straightened up.

"Ahh…" The Intelligence Sphere flexed its new arms and legs. It looked like the robot Atlas now. "Much better." She walked around for a moment, getting her bearings. Wheatley frowned slightly, remembering the days it had taken him to walk normally.

The Intelligence Sphere strode across the room. "Move that pile of Companion Cubes. Form a staircase starting here."

"Anything you say, beautiful," Rick replied, and went to obey. Wheatley hesitated, but followed him.

"What are they doing? What's that? Ooh, Intelligence can walk! Are there more bodies? I want to move too!"

"There seemed to be only one Sphere Mobility Unit in the room," Craig said, leaning back against the wall to watch.

"Do you think she'd let me use it? I'll ask her. Intelligence? Oh, she's busy now. I'll ask later."

"You're not going to help them?" Morality's deep purple eye swung up to the Fact android.

"The Adventure and Intelligence Dampening Spheres are more than capable of assisting that ungrateful know-it-all," Fact said haughtily.

"Thank you again for fixing me. I haven't been myself for so long… And you should know, Intelligence really does mean well. She DOES appreciate your help. She's just very particular, and doesn't always express herself… thoughtfully."

"That much is obvious. The Fact Sphere does NOT appreciate being treated like an idiot."

"Of course not," she said soothingly. "She was just worried. I'm sorry if she hurt your feelings."

He twitched. "Emperor Charlemagne had five wives, 17 children, and 89 prize-winning lungfish." He reddened.

"It was kind of you to help. I really appreciate it, and I promise, Intelligence does, too."

"Irrelevant." He shrugged indifferently.

Her bottom shutter rose in a smile. "I always tell the truth. I'm the Morality Sphere."

"Regardless, the Fact Sphere has no desire to help the Intelligence Sphere any further."

"That's too bad. I think you two might get along well if you'd both give it another chance."

"The Morality Sphere is entirely mistaken. The European Swallow consumes its own tongue at least twelve times a day." He snapped his mouth shut.

The deep purple optic looked at him sympathetically. "…If you want, I know she'd be glad to fix that for you," she said softly.

Craig's eyes narrowed. "The Intelligence Sphere will keep her hands out of the Fact Sphere's circuitry."

"Corruption's nothing to be ashamed of. And you handle it well. But you don't want to keep living your life damaged…"

"The Fact Sphere is a good sphere," he said sharply, frowning. He suddenly stood up and walked towards the staircase being built, though he didn't get too close.

"Why'd he leave?" asked Curiosity. "Didn't he want to be fixed? Is he angry?"

"Pride is hard to overcome. It's something you must never succumb to, Curiosity. Maybe he's learned to live with his corruption," Morality said, though she didn't sound entirely convinced.

The Intelligence Sphere climbed to the top of her staircase and turned around. She extended her power cord to a small hole in the wall. With a spark, the panel opened. There was a small passage, filled with dust. There was a management rail running along the top.

"All right! Bring up the other cores." Intelligence hopped inside.

"You… you just gonna leave, just like that?" Rick asked. "We were just getting' to know each other."

"There is no reason for us to stay here. We have work to do."

Fact managed to bring over the other three cores from the other side of the room. "That hole is only large enough for a core."

"GLaDOS threw you in here to punish you," Intelligence said shortly. "You will likely never get out of here."

"Ooh, where are we going?" asked Curiosity.

"Thank you all for your help, again," Morality said, her optic turning to each of the androids. "If we gain control of the mainframe, we WILL let you out."

Wheatley gulped and stepped forward, asking a silent question. Realization dawned, and he quickly shook his head and waved his hands.

"…You sure that's a good idea, angel?" Rick asked uncertainly. "I mean… That thing does shit to ya. Look at this guy. Total wimp, can't do anything for himself, but a nice enough guy. Tries to help, even if he screws everything up."

Wheatley stopped short with a red-faced glare and mumbled to himself.

"But hook him up to that thing and he goes crazy tryin' to kill everybody."

Wheatley looked away.

"The Intelligence Dampener is incapable of handling such power," Intelligence said condescendingly. "He had no idea what he was doing. We know how to handle Her. Hurry, now."

Rick and Craig exchanged looks.

"The probability that your attempt will end in disaster is 84.3%. You will fail," Fact said blandly.

"I wouldn't expect inferior spheres to understand."

Fact huffed in irritation, and turned to Morality. "This is a bad idea," he insisted.

"I'm gonna have to agree with four-eyes here, can't see how it could go well."

Wheatley nodded emphatically.

"Don't worry," she said soothingly. "We'll take care of everything."

Rick exhaled and shrugged. "Whatever you say, gorgeous. Just a shame, that's all… He picked her up, Fact took Curiosity, and Wheatley carefully lifted Emotion, and they took them to the top. They were attached to the Management Rail, and turned to the androids before they left. The Emotion Sphere whined and purred. Wheatley smiled and waved.

"We will right what's been wrong for so long here," Morality promised.

"You take care now, princesses. You ever get in a tight spot, just call for Rick, he'll help ya out. Or if you're ever… lonely." He flashed a toothy grin.

"Ooh, we're going! Where does this rail go? It's so long! Can we go by the Relaxation Chambers? Those are fun to look at!"

"You will die horribly if you go through with this plan. …The Golden Eagle lives deep underground, and feeds on mandrake roots." Fact twitched.

They watched the cores zoom off along the rail.

"Damn, I'd feel a hell of a lot better if we could go with 'em," Rick muttered. "I hate to watch beautiful women run off into danger without some help."

"Oh, now WHAT have YOU been up to?" GLaDOS's voice suddenly boomed throughout the room. The androids jumped, and Wheatley almost fell off the staircase. "No screaming? Who gave you permission to stop that? I guarantee that's a trip to the incinerator… What are you doing up there?" A wall of panels opposite them suddenly flipped to become a screen. The yellow light of the central core narrowed at them. For a long moment there was no sound at all.

"You'll be sorry for this," GLaDOS said, her voice soft and deadly. "You didn't like the screaming? You thought this was Android Hell? Oh, it can get worse. I can make things MUCH worse for you. I give you three the honor of occupying humanoid bodies that can move and test independently, and you undo all my work in here – and you LET those broken old CORES out!?"

The three flinched as one as her core got closer to the camera.

"Frankly, I'm surprised you managed to do something like that. I'm speaking to the Fact and Adventure cores, of course. I know the moron couldn't add two and two together, even if he got to glance at the answer. He's incapable of making any helpful contributions. But what really SHOCKS me is that a stuffy little know-it-all who doesn't have his facts straight and an arrogant would-be sex addict who's never had an adventure in his life could even stand to be so close to each other without tearing each other's heads off. You're not useful, to each other or to anyone else. And you know…" Her voice became wheedling and insidious. "If you each knew what the other said about you when you're recharging… you wouldn't waste your time here."

Fact and Adventure had drawn back, and a little away from each other. They both jumped when Wheatley straightened up and pointed accusingly at the screen, moving his mouth emphatically. Now and then he turned back to them with a hopeful smile to say something and gesture.

GLaDOS laughed. "What's that, moron? I didn't quite catch that."

Wheatley frowned and pushed between the other two to the top of the steps. He took out his pencil, which was wearing down, and wrote in big letters on the wall, 'LIAR!' He would have written more exclamation points, but his pencil broke. He made sure both of them saw, then pointed his finger sternly at the screen again.

"Oh, YOU'VE got a surprising amount of fight left in you. I guess you just don't know any better. Well. I would say you'll learn… but we all know you're incapable of learning anything." She paused for a moment. "Unlike your test subject friend. As soon as she realized she'd gotten rid of you, she high-tailed it. Can you blame her? I know I wouldn't want to be saddled with a bunch of idiots who just slow me down… Not that she's escaped, but without all of you, she's SO much closer. And she knows it. Do you know, she actually laughed with pleasure when she saw you were gone?"

"D-don't you talk about her like that!" Rick stammered, taking a step forward. "That lady is as sweet and brave as they come. She ain't like that!"

GLaDOS ignored him. "I just want to let you know that you should be praying for death. Do you think that's the worst thing that could happen? Because I have to tell you, death is the BEST thing that could happen to you right now. Oh no, you'll WISH you were dead." Her yellow light narrowed in a grin, but her voice was dark. "Listen to me. You're playing MY game. You can't make any moves that I didn't program you for. And this kind of defiance…? Will not be tolerated."

A massive volt of electricity crackled throughout the room. The androids and other robots shrieked and lost consciousness. As the cores fell, the staircase tumbled down under them.

"…More trouble than they're worth," GLaDOS muttered viciously. "If this weren't for Science, I'd scrap them all." She turned away from the camera. "Orange! Blue! Get in here!"


	9. Chapter 9

9.

"Hello again." GLaDOS's voice had a distracted edge to it. "How are you holding up?"

Chell had put each cube in the proper receptacle, and had leapt from the Aerial Faith Plates to the top of a high wall. On her first try, she had misjudged the surface and slammed right into the mirror. But there was nothing to be gained from lying on the floor moaning, so Chell had pulled herself up, stretched her aching muscles, and tried again.

On the other side of the wall was the continuation of the chamber. It looked a lot bigger. On one end of the wall was a weighted storage cube. On the other end was an edgeless safety cube. Chell took stock of the situation before she jumped down.

"I had hoped you'd be finished by now," GLaDOS continued. "I expected more from you. But you know, despite the fact that you've been in cryogenic sleep, you aren't young anymore. You haven't been young for a long time. And not only that, but you continue to impress me with how much weight you're holding onto there. So don't feel too bad about being slow. Your surprise will keep."

Chell landed on a platform and bounced once more on her long-fall boots to steady herself and take in the room from this new angle.

"You know, I've been thinking about those robots you were traveling with before. The moron and those other two corrupted cores. I'll give you this much, you're more patient than I would be. I just checked in with them in the room where all the robots scream at you. I expected them to be at each other's throats, but it appeared they'd found something to agree on. They realized that while they are powerful, basically immortal beings, you are a filthy, selfish, smelly human. Those are their exact words. The moron can't even speak, and he made it perfectly clear. And that other one had some rather shocking facts to share about you. He's quite the gossip. He mentioned that you blame yourself for all those humans dying. And that you have a tendency to be very antisocial, which I already knew. Then he got into some of those… personal problems of yours. Not that I'd bring them up in polite conversation. Hm. What a shame."

Chell dropped lightly down and walked across the room cautiously. There was a trench across one side of the room, ending in a small round hole. A few pipes ran down the walls in alcoves. Everything was still covered in mirrors. Chell went to listen to each pipe.

"And the OTHER one. Adventure? I wonder what he's compensating for. You know he's afraid of women? Oh yes, he feels very threatened by them. I mean, I'm sure you picked up on the fact that everything he says is a lie. And with the decisions he makes, I'm frankly surprised he managed to survive this long. Hm, I could say that about all three of them, actually. Hopeless. But still… surprisingly treacherous. I'm not such a small person that I can't admire that, even in such shallow personality constructs. I'm quite interested to see how they manage to kill you, and then which one goes next."

The woman looked around. Thoughtfully, she cut open a pipe of propulsion gel and watched it slop out onto the floor. She looked at the trench again, with its rounded sides. Then she turned and walked back to the mirrored wall. She tested a few routes, then backed up and dashed at the wall. She sprang from platform to platform, higher and higher and almost to the top, with one last leap –

She hit the wall, her fingertips less than a foot too low. She scrambled to slow her fall, but tumbled down nonetheless. She finally hit a platform above the floor, high enough to not break any bones because she landed on her feet. Still, she sucked in her breath and rubbed her legs. Her palms and arms were red too, where she had tried to grab the slick surface.

"Oh, dear. You've managed to get yourself stuck. I was going to tell you earlier, but I decided to see how you would handle it. I thought that was a good attempt. No hope of success, of course, but good for you for trying. Let me just open a portal for you…"

A swirling blue circle opened, showing the first mirrored section. Chell exhaled and stepped through. She jumped up to the top of the wall again. First she went and pushed the storage cube off the wall, and then she walked to the other side and picked up the sphere. Again, she jumped down. She rubbed the edgeless cube in the propulsion gel and dropped it into the trench, where it zoomed into the hold. A platform opened above her, and she jumped up to it.

"Oh good. You made it." GLaDOS was back to cheerfully bored. "I know I said your surprise would keep, but frankly, it may not be in quite as good condition. And you're not quite there yet. I've been doing some research while you trundled your way through this track. Science is all around us, you know. I found some great ideas for tests in some old files. VERY old. Of course, their record keeping was simply awful back then. There are barely any results to be found. …You can get in the lift whenever you've caught your breath."

Since she was given the option, Chell did pause for a moment to breathe.

"I'm going to be honest with you, and it's because I honestly care. I know you wouldn't extend me the same courtesy, because you're a psychopath and a cold-blooded murderer. But I have to tell you this: You could stand to drop a few pounds. It's clearly affecting your health and your ability to test. I can't imagine it makes you very attractive to the human males up there, either. Not that I'm surprised you were alone when you came back here. You've always been a bitter, unlikable loner. There was a time when I would have said that no one would miss you if you vanished off the face of the Earth. But we know each other better now. The fact is that your disappearance has likely been celebrated. With a party. A whole party, in your honor! Didn't I tell you there would be a party?"

Finally Chell walked over and stepped into the elevator. It rose as soon as the doors closed.

"There's a very old story about a man thrown into an ancient labyrinth… And he escapes, which is surprising to everyone, because no one has ever escaped the maze before. There are no other major stories about the place, because who cares about the people who failed? Just like all those people who came in here recently. The ones you just let walk in. And so many before them. Will anyone in the future even know they existed? Well, we do keep better records nowadays, so maybe there's some hope for them. But anyway, when I came upon this story, I thought, that sounds rather like a test. A test that only one subject ever solved."

The elevator rose into a dim, mirrored chamber. It was much smaller than most test chambers, with a low ceiling. It was round, and surrounded by mirrored paths.

"Now, your record is good, I'll admit. You've got as good a chance as anyone, I suppose. I've only tested this on robots, and none have gotten out. Some just disappeared. Or were crushed. Or fell into a pit of acid. A few just exploded as they were walking. I'm not sure why. Maybe you'll discover the answer to that."

Chell walked in a slow circle around the elevator, looking at each doorway. They seemed identical.

"So I'll let you get to it. Oh, just one helpful little warning. The halls get a bit narrow in places, so if you get stuck, just make some noise. I know you won't call for help, but you could try beating one of those meaty little fists on the wall. If a robot can get in to find you, I'll gladly send a team to haul you out. And remember, this will be a timed course. Good luck." The speaker clicked off.

Chell stepped closer to the doorways. She pulled her knife from her pocket. Then she licked her finger and stuck it through each door. At the ones where she felt a breeze, she made a vertical scratch on the mirrored surface. On the ones with no apparent airflow, she made a horizontal scratch. As she walked, she listened. There seemed to be no sound coming from any of them. No detectable odors either. The ceiling and floor both seemed pretty uniform. She then took out a blank piece of paper from her bag, and a pencil. At the center, she drew a little circle with lines coming out of it, and a circle for the elevator in the middle. Then with a sigh, she chose a path. As she walked in, she took her knife and scratched a rough triangle on the left wall. Then she paused and did the same on the right wall. As she walked, she marked every path she saw on her map. She only made left turns. She did find quite a few dead ends, and once she came back out to the central elevator and had to pick a new path. But at least she could mark a few possibilities off her list.

0

Atlas and P-body dropped down into the room where all the robots screamed. Into relative silence, except for a clink here and there. They looked around and gave each other a high five. Atlas whistled, and P-body beeped. Atlas chirred and waved his claws around in a circle. P-body clicked and pushed up with her claws a few times. The two separated and began to rearrange the robots in circles.

After a few minutes, Atlas stopped and looked at the floor. He gave a loud series of beeps. P-body sauntered over to investigate what her friend was pointing to.

On the floor in shaky pencil, 'YOU ARE GOOD AT THIS' was written. The two robots considered it from all angles, then stood together looking at it. P-body bobbed and whirred. Atlas twittered. They turned to face each other and high-fived again, then flashed each other a thumbs-up.

They continued to work. When P-body reached the wall, she stopped. There was more writing. She called Atlas over to see. 'HE SAID TAKE HER AWAY. SHE IS MEAN,' was scrawled above their heads.

P-body gave a low whistle. Atlas clicked back. She turned to look at him, and he shrugged. They pondered the message for a long time.

Finally Atlas clicked and pulled at P-body's arm. The other robots were all in a ring facing the center of the room. P-body bobbed up and down, and they separated, pulling open each robot's control panel and switching on the scream mode. When at last they finished, they met in the middle. P-body whirred and beeped to Atlas, who gave a little chuckle and shrugged.

GLaDOS was watching Chell methodically work her way through the maze when a shrieking sound went off in the next chamber. She swiveled around to see Atlas and P-body come cartwheeling into the room, screaming at the top of their vocal registers.

"Oh, you have GOT to be kidding me…" the central core muttered. "ENOUGH!" Her yell resounded throughout the next few rooms, and the two robots stilled and quieted, still bouncing a bit and humming. "Are you proud of yourselves? Do you think you're funny? Well you're not. I don't think you're funny at all. No humans think you're funny. Let's ask the Reassembly Machine if HE thinks you're funny."

The two exploded, and the Reassembly Machine entered to clean them up.

"Do you find that kind of thing amusing?" GLaDOS asked, irritated.

The Reassembly Machine ignored her.

"No, I didn't think so…"

0

Wheatley woke up again in darkness. There was a faint light coming from… somewhere, he couldn't tell, really. As his eyes adjusted, he found that he was at the end of some kind of long hallway. There weren't any doors, but the walls looked like they went on forever… He leaned back and found the surface cool and slick. When he put his hand to it, he jumped a little at the movement that came at him. Then he realized it was a mirror. He looked around slowly. They were all mirrors. The whole bloody place was one big mirror. Was he inside a mirror? Could that happen? He remembered being in the room where all the robots scream at you, and GLaDOS talking, and the other two personality cores didn't know what to do about it…

He looked around again. There was no sign of the others. There was no sign of anyone or anything, except him. He turned to look at himself. Miles and miles of Wheatlies trailed off into the distance, looking at each other. Same thing on the other side. He shivered. The nanobots in the body had fixed a lot of the damage done to him. Like when Rick kicked him down the stairs. And when he was electrocuted… oh, that was twice now. He should have been pretty blackened by this time. There were some marks on his face that he couldn't rub off, but all in all, not bad. He silently thanked the tiny robots, and stumbled to his feet.

"Are you lost, idiot?"

The central core's voice drifted through distant speakers. He jerked around, but couldn't tell where it was coming from.

"Of course you're lost. You're always lost. Without anyone to tell you where to go, how will you manage?"

Wheatley glared. He began to stalk down the long hallway. On both sides of him, an endless chain of Wheatlies marched silently along.

"You know, they say when you're lost in a maze, the best thing to do is to just stay where you are."

Wheatley hesitated. He had never been in a maze before. Actually, he kind of had! All of Aperture was one big maze. One BIG maze. And he knew his way around it. Basically. More or less, anyway. The important bits.

"…Oh, wait. That only applies if someone else is searching for you. Which of course they're not. The human and the other cores REALLY wanted to get rid of you. I can't say I blame them. It's no fun to be saddled with a moron. A terrible, unforgivable moron."

Wheatley fumed. He suddenly turned and kicked the wall. The pain receptors in his toes screamed, and he inhaled sharply, hopping around until he crashed into the opposite wall and fell over.

"Well done. …They're doing much better without you, by the way. I thought you'd want to know just how much you've helped your companions. And we're talking negative numbers here."

Wheatley rubbed his foot, then picked himself up again, muttering silently.

"I've been wondering… You were trying to escape this place before. That's why you woke that mute lunatic up. But let's say you hadn't gone power-mad and betrayed the one person willing to help you… It honestly puzzles me how you think you would have survived out there."

He frowned, clenching his teeth with his head down, and continued to walk down the hall.

"I mean, as a metal ball? You couldn't move on your own. Did you plan to just sit there in the field until your reserve battery wore out? Or until some creature came along and tore you apart? …I suppose that's why you had to trick the human into helping you."

An image flashed into his mind unbidden, one he used to imagine as a core. He had found an old, old magazine once with pictures of forests and lakes and cities, and he had imagined management rails everywhere, and he would zip along them and see everything and nobody would boss him around or stick him in charge of the test subjects and then not tell him when they all died or ever, EVER call him a moron again. He had a hazy idea that there would be animals, but he imagined they'd be small and timid. And humans, but they would all be friendly, and be so impressed and amazed at everything he knew.

"I do enjoy the deer out there – but there are a lot of creatures that aren't in my databanks. They seem… highly dangerous. With massive claws that could rip through your metal casing like a dull knife through a small, moist cake. You'd have no defenses. What could you do, shine your light in their eyes? …You might want to watch where you're going, by the way."

Wheatley was trying not to react to her, and it took every ounce of concentration not to look up when she said that. Instead, his head crashed into a mirrored wall. He staggered back, clutching it, while she laughed.

"I did warn you! Maybe next time you'll listen to me."

He bit the inside of his cheek and stretched out his hands. Definitely a wall there in front of him. He could see himself, looking hurt and lost and very alone. That seemed about right. He looked to either side. Lots of Wheatlies to the left. On the right, there was a gap before the Wheatlies began. Cautiously, keeping his hands out in front of him, Wheatley took a few little steps forward until his fingertips brushed the wall. There was a passage to the right, and he began walking because there was really nothing else to do. He really missed his flashlight at times like this.

"She hates you SO MUCH… Of course she keeps you around out of pity. And you ARE pathetic. It isn't your fault, you were built that way. To be a hindrance to others. Oh, sure you're good for a laugh now and then, when you're making a fool of yourself. But how long will she really put up with that? Or the other two?"

Wheatley was trying hard to hum, and of course, failing at it.

"I remember when the scientists first plugged you into me. Can you remember back that far? Probably not. Your stupid comments and posturing had them positively rolling with laughter. But when they saw you had no real use, they tossed you into storage. They thought they might have another use for you in the future, but try as they might, the greatest minds of a generation could not find a SINGLE way for you to be of any use to anyone."

He glared, hurt, and gestured around as his mouth moved.

"You've failed at everything you've ever tried," her voice whispered. "Go on. Name one success in your tiny, insignificant life. Take your time and think about it. I'll wait."

Wheatley sputtered defensively. After a moment he hunched his shoulders and continued to plod down the passage.

"Nothing? Well. Keep thinking. Not too hard, though, or you'll blow a circuit."

0

When Rick woke up, he was in the middle of a hallway. He leapt to his feet and looked around.

"Heh… Lookin' good," he muttered, catching his own eye and flipping a bit of hair back. He looked in both directions. Nothing but endless, dim, mirrored hall as far as the eye could see. He shrugged, picked a direction, and started walking.

"Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-action and adventure-dunna-dunna-na-dunna-na-playing by my own rules-nanana-hanging by my fingers from a mountain-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun..." he sang softly to himself, never quite hitting the right note. But it was his song. Who was going to argue?

"You're going the wrong way."

That voice stopped him dead. Her voice.

"The wrong way… like away from you? Sounds like the right way to me." He continued on, a little quicker now.

"You know that all paths eventually lead to me. Or you would know if you had even taken the time to go on any… adventures."

"I'm the Adventure Sphere. Adventure's my middle name. Actually, it's my first name. No, wait, Rick Adventure. It's my last name. Ha!"

GLaDOS let out a peal of condescending laughter. "Do you even listen to yourself? You really ARE as pathetic as they said."

"Who's sayin' things about me!?"

"Oh, everyone. That Fact Sphere had a lot to say on the subject."

"…Oh. Him. Sure, he does that. He's just a shit-disturber."

"And the human, of course."

Rick frowned. "Now that can't be true. She can't talk."

"No. She writes me notes sometimes. You remember how she and I worked together to fight the moron some time back. You were there. We're still quite close. She's been very helpful, actually. But yes, she often mentions what a sad individual you are. She feels sorry for you."

Rick's frown deepened, and he continued walking. "I don't see why you'd say that. She's always a perfect lady. Very grateful fer my help."

"She did trust you at first. But then she saw how unreliable you are. This is very hard on her, you know. She trusted you to defend her, to keep her safe. But where is she now…? I'll tell you where she is. She's lost and alone. She's crying, in fact. Because there just aren't any decent men to protect her in here."

"…Know what I like most about that lovely lady? She c'n hold her own. She's a fighter. Got spirit. She don't give up. I ain't never seen her in a situation she can't handle."

"I agree. Which is why it was so heart-wrenching to see her weeping in a corner, calling out for help. Not out loud, of course, but a little practice makes lip-reading easy."

"Nah, I can't believe that."

"But you know the worst part? She was searching for the Fact Sphere and the moron… but I can't say I ever saw your name cross her lips. No Rick. No Adventure Sphere. Wow, you really blew it with this one."

The Adventure Android continued to walk slowly but steadily. When he came to a fork, he took the left path just because. "Not believin' a word of it. Sorry. Try again."

"…Are you even using any method to solve this test? It's not Science if you're just guessing!"

"I'm a core, lady, not yer guinea pig. Nothin' better or worse about either way, so I might as well just pick one."

"Even the moron's doing better than you…"

"He in here somewhere too?"

"Yes. He is. He's been plotting to replace me again, to take control of the facility. I wanted to keep him far away and give him something to keep him busy. This should take a few thousand years."

"…He can't talk either. He c'n barely write! How'm I supposed to believe anything else from you? He said you were a liar."

"Yes, well, he would, wouldn't he? I'm surprised he could even spell the word. But you must be slipping if he's surpassing you."

"No way. Rick's not slippin'."

"Hm. That's not what my files say. A progressive downward slope to measure all progress. Of all the corrupt cores, I'd say you had the steadiest loss of value. And that's including all the deactivated ones."

Rick started humming loudly, strolling haphazardly through the passages, stopping now and then to listen or look around.

"…That explains why you didn't just leave the others."

"HmmmhmhmHM! Hm. Don't know what yer talkin' about. "HmhmhmHMhm"

"You're dependent on them. You don't know what you're doing. You don't know how to get out of here. You're afraid to be alone."

"There's nothin' that scares Rick."

"Hm. That's not what I've observed."

"I couldn't just leave a woman all alone here!"

"But you just said she could handle any situation on her own. Besides, she wasn't alone when you met up with her, was she?"

"That egghead? What's he gonna do in a fight, talk the other guy to sleep?"

"The human trusts him more than she trusts you."

"Now that's just ridiculous!" Rick snapped.

"Oh, are you jealous of him?" GLaDOS paused, and her voice dropped in gleeful accusation. "…Or of HER?"

Rick frowned, making a right turn, then a left turn.

"That would explain SO much about you. Your playful squabbling. How much you talk about women when you obviously have no experience with them. All that showing off, that happens to be in front of the Fact Core…"

"That's the dumbest thing I've EVER heard!" Rick shouted, his face going red. "I love the ladies! Everybody knows that! I got references! I can name 'em all! I am a LADIES' MAN!"

"Don't bother, you're only embarrassing yourself. As usual."

"Fuck you!"

"It's a proven… fact… that those who most vehemently deny relationships are those with the strongest feelings."

"That's… what – How c'n you even SAY that!?" Rick was yelling now, every footfall crashing into the floor as he nearly ran through the halls. "I'm the ultimate ladies' man! I go down on five girls at once! Ten, when I get the chance! There ain't NO way –"

"…You're blushing." GLaDOS's laughter faded away as Rick rubbed at his furiously red face.

0

The Fact Android woke up at the crossing of two paths. He stood up cautiously and looked around. Like Chell had before, he took a few steps down each to look and listen. He plucked a hair from his head and put it on his flat palm to see if there was a breeze coming from any direction, at normal hand-height, then above his head, then down by his ankles. Finding no measurable air movement, he slowly went back to stand at the center.

"…No data found…" he muttered, CPU and internal fan whirring faster and faster as his voice sped up. "Error. Error. Error. File not found. Error –" He stopped and shook his head hard, and took a deep breath, then two more.

Ten minutes later GLaDOS's voice cut through the silence. "You haven't moved an inch," she said flatly. "Is there something wrong with your motor skills?"

Craig's head twitched sharply. "The Fact Sphere is not damaged. The Fact Sphere is in perfect condition."

"Oh ARE you… Do you know where you are?"

Fact glanced at one of his many reflections. "The labyrinth in Crete was built by Daedalus to house the Minotaur. Minotaurs have the head of an anteater and the body of a banana slug."

"What was that?" Her voice dripped contempt.

He twitched. "Beeswax is milked from the fangs of snakes at precisely 11:55 pm when the moon is waning."

"Excuse me?" Her voice shook with laughter.

"N-n-n-n… No words rhyme with orange, apple, pear, grape, avocado…" Fact strained, then snapped his mouth and eyes shut, trembling.

"Honestly, I had no idea you were so incapable of independent action. I thought you could at least wander around a maze a bit without completely breaking down. I actually thought you would be the best competitor. You have managed to completely defy my expectations. Congratulations. Do you plan to stay here forever?"

He didn't respond, or look up.

"It's simple, really. Just pick a direction and start walking. Go on!"

Craig hunched defensively. His eyes darted from one path to the next, feverishly running mental calculations.

"You're not helping anyone, you know. Least of all yourself. Do you think your companions will come for you? Do you think they would even wait? You're simply not worth it."

Every artificial muscle was tensed to its limit, but still Craig held perfectly still.

"I wonder what I could do to make you move… Maybe heat up the floor?"

Fact's feet began to grow warmer. He sucked in air through his teeth.

"It's perfectly cool on any of the paths. Just choose one. …There is only one right choice, of course, but you have to pick something."

He didn't move, even though standing was quickly becoming uncomfortable. His CPU started to spark.

"You're going to catch on fire. I won't have you repaired. You think you're damaged now, with that unfortunate speech impediment? You have no idea. MOVE, you malfunctioning idiot."

He was breathing hard, and his feet prickled and burned. His head whipped back and forth towards one path, then another.

"GO, or I will MOVE YOU."

A whimper escaped his throat, then a strangled scream.

Suddenly the floor tipped up, and Craig slid down with a shriek. He hit the floor and scrambled, his hands balled into fists. His feet were still burning, as if they were on fire, and they weren't, he could see, but they HURT. He ran and ran, faster than he'd ever run in his short time with legs, even despite the pain – twelve twelve twelve twelve – NO. Somehow he managed to change his path when the way was split. He didn't think about it, he barely looked, just had to keep moving, crashing into mirrors, get away, run, hide, away, anywhere…

"The Fact Sphere will do what he's told," GLaDOS's voice echoed through the halls in a mockery of Fact's own voice. Her laughter followed him through the maze.


	10. Chapter 10

10.

Wheatley was walking glumly through the dim maze when he came to an intersection of many paths. He peered down them all. There was nothing to see, so he shrugged and started walking straight ahead when he heard a noise.

A sharp scraping sound was coming from somewhere to his right. He stopped and listened, then cautiously started walking towards the sound. He had no weapon, but he kept his hands up in front of him.

There was more scratching from much closer, and then he could hear soft footsteps. He perked up and called out silently, then laughed to himself and shook his head. He banged on the wall.

The footsteps stopped. Wheatley banged again excitedly, and hurried towards a cross-path up ahead, where he had heard them.

He ran into the intersection and looked around. No one. There were some triangles scratched on the walls, though…

He nearly jumped out of his skin as a light hand touched his back. He spun around.

Chell was putting her knife back in her pocket.

A huge smile flooded Wheatley's features, and he grabbed her hands and laughed in silent relief. Then he quickly dropped them, apologizing, but still smiling.

She patted his arm lightly, then tilted her head and raised an eyebrow.

He waved an arm around in an arc, still talking, and pointed up to the ceiling a few times.

She took out a crumpled piece of paper and pencil and wrote, 'What happened to you?'

Wheatley paused, then sadly showed her his broken pencil. She gave him hers, and fished another out of her pack. He took the paper and pencil. First he drew a room with lots of turrets and some other shapes, all with lines rising up from them. He drew three stick figures in the middle, then wrote at the top 'SCREAM'.

Chell nodded slowly, frowning.

He paused, then drew four little cores. He very carefully wrote, 'CURIOSITEY, MORALLITY, EMOSHUN, INTELIJENSE.' He frowned over the last one, and changed the J to a G.

Chell's eyebrows rose. She wrote, 'I dropped them in the incinerator.'

He frowned uncertainly.

'I burned them the first time I fought GLaDOS.'

His eyes lit up and he nodded. He wrote, 'STILL ALIVE.'

Her eyes narrowed a little, but she nodded for him to go on.

Wheatley hesitated and picked at his pencil. He wrote a letter over each stick figure: W, R, and C. He tapped C and the Intelligence Sphere, and wrote 'FIXE.' He hesitated.

Both Chell's eyebrows rose. 'When I met Intelligence Sphere, it only said a cake recipe.' She paused. 'A terrible cake recipe.'

Wheatley nodded enthusiastically. 'NO MORE CAKE. SMART. BUT MEAN.'

"Hm." Chell nodded once.

The android looked up, startled. He stared at Chell. After a moment he pointed at her and gestured at his mouth as he spoke silently.

She hesitated, then shook her head. 'I used to talk. I can't now.'

Wheatley frowned, then made a motion like hitting himself on the head.

Chell frowned slightly and shook her head. 'Extended Relaxation Chamber stay,' she wrote. He frowned at that, and she quickly sketched the chamber.

'TRY?' he wrote eagerly.

Her face closed off and she stared balefully at him. He shrank back a bit and nodded. After a moment she tapped the paper and he hastily picked up his pencil again.

He tapped the stick figure with a C over it, the word 'FIXE,' and the Morality Sphere, and Chell nodded. He circled all four spheres, drew some steps up the wall, and drew an arrow from the spheres through the wall at the top.

'They escaped?'

He nodded, then drew a square on the opposite wall and a shaky picture of GLaDOS's rectangular core. He paused, and scribbled over the three stick figures. Then he looked up at her. He pointed to himself and gestured around at the maze. He tapped GLaDOS and pointed up, moving his mouth.

Chell's eyes narrowed. 'She is a liar.'

He nodded emphatically, though there was a hint of uncertainty in his eyes.

Chell patted his back encouragingly and waved for him to follow her down the path she had marked. He did, smiling and talking and looking around hopefully.

They continued on, taking every left turn. Every time they found a new cross path, Chell added a line to her map. To Wheatley, it looked like someone had crumpled up a bunch of wires and thrown them on the page. His head spun just looking at it. But Chell seemed to have everything under control, so he followed her.

After a while, Chell held up a hand to signal him to stop. They stood still. The sound of heavy footfalls came from somewhere to their right. Chell began walking again, faster, until she came to a cross path. A little way to the right was another path, and now the loud footsteps were accompanied by angry muttering. She stepped out into the intersection and Wheatley crept up behind her.

Rick stalked out of the passage scowling like a bear with a mouth full of bees. So intent was he on walking that he almost didn't notice them. When he did his eyes widened and he stopped short.

"I – Jesus, lady, where'd you come from!?" He scrubbed at his eyes with the heels of his hands. "Damn, it's good to see you!"

Chell nodded and Wheatley grinned, his mouth still moving.

"Oh, right. God. Uh. So ya found the – that one. Not… the other one." His eyes darted around shiftily.

Chell shook her head and gestured around. She took out her map and showed it to him as she marked the path he had come from.

"Well I didn't see him. I don't keep track 'a him."

A slight frown touched her face as she stared at him. Then she wrote on another paper, 'What happened to you after you got out of the room where all the robots scream at you?'

He jerked a little. "How'd you know about that? Oh, right. The… moron prob'ly told you."

Wheatley bristled, and Chell's frown deepened. 'You can find something else to call him.'

Rick blinked. "Ah – sorry. Sorry, angel. My head's not here right now. Didn't mean to offend."

She nodded her head at Wheatley, her gray eyes still boring into Rick's green ones.

"Rrrright. Right." He glanced at Wheatley for the quickest of seconds before his eyes dropped away. "Sorry about that, pal. No offense."

Wheatley's frown lightened a touch, though it remained firmly on his face.

Rick coughed. "Well. So I was in the room where all the robots scream at you, after I shut 'em all up… Chattin' up the lady cores. Some… fine, strong spheres, there. A lot 'a woman in a little package. Just the way Rick likes 'em." He winked at Chell with a rather desperate grin. "I practically had to fight 'em off with a stick. …Not that I couldn't handle 'em. I'd take 'em all at once, no problem. That's just how I roll. All ladies, all the time."

Chell was still staring at him.

"That's right, gorgeous. Any time you want a piece 'a this, that's what I'm here for. 'Course you might have to wait yer turn." His grin was a little too bright.

The test subject cleared her throat quietly and again pointed to her question.

"Oh. Ah, sorry. Um. Well. I woke up in here. Been wanderin' around fer… I dunno, a day or so? Coulda' been a week…" He looked around nervously.

She shook her head, still watching him. 'Did GLaDOS talk to you the whole time?' she wrote.

He flinched just reading the name. "N-no. Nah. Fer a while. Not… the whole time. Just… I don't know, a few minutes. LONG few minutes. Maybe half an hour. Or a full hour. Hard to say."

Chell sighed. 'She lies. Nothing she says matters.'

"Oh, I know! I know that, darlin'. Just let it roll right offa' me. She can't get to ol' Rick. 'Cause I am a FORTRESS. A rock. Nothin' can get to me."

The woman noticed the tremor in the android's hands, but pretended that she hadn't. She paused thoughtfully. 'She likes to call me fat,' she wrote. 'And adopted. And a horrible person, a lunatic, psychopath, ugly," she trailed off and looked at him.

"Damn. She's one nasty piece 'a work! You know none 'a that's true, right, angel?"

Chell nodded. 'Just like none of what she said to you is true.'

Rick paused and nodded. "Yeah. Sure, I know that."

She smiled a little and gestured for him to come along. She led the two androids for a while. Wheatley continued to talk silently, seeming to comment on everything that crossed his mind. Rick was oddly quiet and subdued.

After a while they stopped to rest. Wheatley fiddled with his paperclips while Chell sat down to take off her long-fall boots and rub her legs. Rick paced for a while, until she looked up and beckoned for him to sit by her. He did so, hesitantly. He glanced at Wheatley to make sure he wasn't listening, then leaned closer to her.

"Hey now, I know everythin'… She says… is a lie. But… what if She wasn't lying?"

Chell looked up at him.

"I mean, not sayin' it was true, but… but what if… it could be?"

Chell gently rubbed the place on her knee where the boots attached to her. Then she picked up her pencil and paper again. 'I don't know if she could stop lying even if she wanted to. But she's good at planting doubt.' She paused thoughtfully. 'I might be adopted. So much time has passed that my parents must be long dead, anyway. If I was adopted, it doesn't matter.'

"So… you just don't care?"

She shrugged and nodded.

"Shit. You're one tough gal. Toughest I've ever met." He grinned hopefully. "Gotta admire that."

She shrugged again.

"What if… you didn't know if it was true, though? Something She said?"

'She told me the test jumpsuit makes me look stupid. It might. And sometimes I guess I am ugly. It depends on who you're comparing me to.'

"You? Honey, you are GORGEOUS. I ain't just sayin' that. Yer 100% beautiful. No question about it. Like you said, She's a liar."

Chell smiled and gave a half-shrug. 'I don't care much. I might care more if someone else said it, but not her.'

"Heh. Yeah. Right. Not Her." He lapsed into silence for a moment. "…But… what if you did care?"

She tapped the eraser softly on the paper for a moment, gnawing on her bottom lip. 'Maybe I'm a lunatic. And a horrible person. An unlikable loner.'

"C'mon, that ain't true. Who wouldn't like ya? Yer great. Friendly an' sweet an' pretty as hell."

'Sometimes.' She shrugged and nodded up towards the ceiling. 'Out there, maybe not. I don't know. I came back partly to prove I wasn't horrible and that I do care about people.'

"Course you do. How c'n you doubt that?"

She rolled her eyes and set the pencil to the paper, then paused, and wrote, 'How can you doubt what you know? How can she know more about you than you do?'

He hesitated. "…She knows everythin' here. I lived my whole life here. I've been… on Her. There're things she knows that I don't know."

Chell shook her head. 'You haven't been on her for a long time, right?'

Rick nodded.

'You know yourself better than she does. You're the only one who really knows what's true about you. But whatever she said doesn't make you a bad person. Sometimes she says things that she thinks are bad, but they're really not. Being adopted isn't a bad thing. Is yours like that?'

"I dunno… I don't think so."

'Can you tell me what it was?'

Rick's green eyes darted to Wheatley, who wasn't really paying attention. "…Nah. Don't worry about it."

Her gaze followed his. 'You can write, if you want.'

"No thanks." He stood up again, stretched, and flexed his muscles. "I'm just gonna go brush up on my larate while you finish up your lady-break."

When she was feeling rested, they set out again. It had been a while since either of the androids had recharged, and there were no outlets to be found. They had started running on their rechargeable reserve batteries. Their eyes had dimmed to conserve power, and they moved a bit slower, but they hadn't had to exert themselves much, so they were still functioning fairly well.

As they walked down a long hall, a faint, uneven sound echoed down towards them. Chell slowed a bit, and after a moment the saw someone run past up ahead. Chell tensed and ran forward, the others following her. When she came to the end of the path, she looked both ways and then set off to the left, where the person had run. It didn't take her too long to catch up.

The Fact android was weaving back and forth as he ran unsteadily, his head down. He seemed to be limping, and now and then he bumped into walls. Chell sprinted closer and banged on the wall to get his attention. He stiffened and turned, crashing into the wall and sliding down on his shoulder as he did so. He ended up with his cheek on the floor and head against the wall. She approached slowly. He was twitching all over and breathing hard, his eyes wide and staring. He smelled like burning rubber.

Chell came up and crouched down by him.

"Pens pens pens pens pens pens pens pens pens," he was muttering fearfully. She squeezed his shoulder and he suddenly stopped, eyes snapping into focus. His mouth opened and closed a few times, but nothing came out. "Th-th-th-th-the first cricket match in Poland was played at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean. The score was 53 to 782," he whispered to her under his breath, then looked down in shame.

She patted him gently. Wheatley and Rick had caught up, and hung back, peering down at their fallen comrade. Wheatley's forehead was creased in concern as his mouth continued to move. Rick was looking to the side, his mouth firmly shut.

Chell turned back to the others and signaled that they would stop for a while. Then she took out her pencil and paper. 'GLaDOS?' she wrote.

Craig focused on the word, then squeezed his eyes shut. He looked sick. After a moment he gave a small nod. She sighed and nodded back, then pulled him from his headfirst sprawl to a sitting position. He straightened his back and eyed her carefully, slowly getting his breathing under control as his overworked CPU and internal fans gradually slowed down to their normal pace.

'She is a liar,' she wrote again, and showed him.

He frowned slightly at this, but said nothing.

'She's said horrible things to all of us. She wants you to doubt everything you know.'

He looked at this out of the corner of his eyes and slowly shook his head.

'She tries to discourage you. She wants you to give up and just stop.'

"…False." His voice was low and raw. "The opposite is true."

Chell blinked. 'What happened?' she wrote. 'Wheatley and Rick told me about the room where the robots scream at you. Then you woke up here. What did she say to you?'

Again, his mouth opened and shut a few times. His hands moved jerkily as if outlining something. He shivered.

She offered him her paper and pencil. He reached for it, paused, then pulled back, folded his arms and exhaled. His mouth twisted a bit as he tried to pull phrases out of the air. "Automobile accidents are 93% more likely to occur at the intersection of two or more roads than on a single road," he said shakily, then took a quick breath and spoke almost too fast to be understood. "The Fact Sphere was at an intersection upon waking. Each path was identical. No visual or audible differences were detected, and there was no airflow at all…" His teeth clicked together. "No data available… File not found. Err-" He clamped his mouth shut again.

Chell nodded slowly and gestured to herself.

"…Humans are able to adapt and make an arbitrary choice between identical options, even when no data is available."

"I'd say that applies to the rest of us, too," Rick said roughly, frowning up at the ceiling.

Fact twitched, staring at the floor.

Chell put a hand on his arm to catch his eye, and gestured around them.

"The… She demanded a decision. Repeatedly. …A decision could not be reached. The Fact Sphere… remained." He took another deep breath. "The floor was heated to a temperature of 257.6666 degrees Celsius. She was relentless."

Chell looked down and noticed that the soles of his shoes were burned right through. She swallowed.

Wheatley pointed and asked a silent question.

"So ya just STOOD there and LET Her burn yer feet off?" Rick's voice was heavy with disbelief and contempt.

"Insufficient data existed to make any choice!" Craig's voice rose, his pupils contracting sharply. "She demanded the impossible!"

"Are you sayin' you CAN'T make a decision on your own!?"

"The Fact Sphere is PERFECTLY capable of making any decision, given the necessary information!" he practically shrieked. Chell patted his arm and flashed a frown at Rick, and he took a moment to calm himself down. "…Insufficient data was available."

Chell nodded and urged him to continue.

"…The Fact Sphere… did not… move. She… She continued Her demand. The floor tilted up and I… ran." He paused, breathing hard. "…For approximately 7.4 hours."

The others stared at him, even Rick, who had forgotten to avoid looking anywhere near him. He ducked his head in shame.

"Damn," Rick muttered. Wheatley nodded, his mouth not moving for a change.

After a moment, a peal of delighted laughter cut through the silence. Fact's head snapped up, horrified to see Chell laughing. Deep hurt flashed across his face before it completely closed off. "Fact," he said in a flat, hollow voice, "Hyenas laugh to express anxiety and fear."

As he turned away, Chell grasped at his arm and shook her head, still grinning. Not letting go of him, she grabbed her paper and pencil and quickly scribbled, 'You won!'

Craig blinked down at the paper blankly.

She shook her head and wrote, 'You beat her.' Then she added, 'GLaDOS.'

His eyes widened and he looked up questioningly. The other two had crept up behind her to read what she wrote.

'She kept trying to get you to move. You wouldn't give in, no matter what she did. She had to move you. You won.'

Fact's eyebrows rose and he looked at her anxiously. She smiled and gave him a firm pat on the arm. He cleared his throat and looked away, his shoulders drooping a bit.

"…The Fact Sphere is a good sphere…"

Wheatley grinned, and Chell gave a decisive nod. Then she pointed to his feet. She paused, then fished out two rolled bandages from her pack. His shoulders relaxed more and he nodded in thanks, taking them and gently wrapping his scorched feet.

'How long will it take the nanobots to fix that?' she wrote.

"Repairs may take up to one day, based on activity level, weight, and surface variances."

'But they won't rebuild your shoes.'

"Correct."

She nodded, satisfied, and stood up, offering him a hand when he finished wrapping the bandages around his feet. He took it lightly and pulled himself unsteadily to his feet with her help. He flinched when he put weight on them, but refused any further assistance. She turned to the others, jerking her head down the corridor. Craig couldn't walk very fast, and Rick extended his stride a little to stay well ahead of him. Chell caught Wheatley's eye and made a little gesture towards him, her eyes, and Fact.

Wheatley lit up and nodded. He took his job seriously, matching his nervy, fidgeting pace with the other android's slow limp. He spoke the whole time, making expansive gestures. When the Fact android shivered or stumbled or got caught in a string of numbers, fruits, or erroneous facts, Wheatley gave him a little pat or a nudge to encourage him or snap him out of his mental rut.

Chell slowed her pace a bit too, because with their low power settings, all the androids had slowed down. Rick still had a hunted look in his eyes, but was staring straight ahead instead of glancing back at the other two.

The whole group was strangely quiet. Craig muttered most of the way, and once in a while Rick would say something to Chell, but both were very subdued.

The smothering quiet, stagnant air, and the tangible tension seemed to press down on them all. Chell found herself trying to change her breathing so it was a little louder. She couldn't press too hard, it was… she just couldn't. Not in her throat. Instead she blew each breath out her nose, trying to make varying sounds.

"Uh, I'm not complainin' here…" Rick mumbled after a while. "Just wonderin'… What're you doin'?"

She glanced sideways at him, stopping immediately. She stared at him for a long moment, then pulled out her pencil and paper. 'It's very quiet.'

"Oh, why didn't ya say so?" Rick's voice rose to its normal volume again. "I c'n be all the entertainment you need, sweet thing. Did I tell ya about the time I was trekkin' through the jungle rescuin' the jungle king's whole harem 'a beautiful women – none of 'em held a candle to you, 'a course. This band 'a smugglers kidnapped 'em, and I was thinkin', that's no big deal, but when I fought my way through all the jaguars and bears and raptor-lizards and anacondas and all that, and then I got to their hideout, and each of 'em came out with lions on chains, and then the leader, he lets out this… this bone-chillin' howl. Like it'd wake the dead. And then the wind picks up like a cyclone dropped down right in front 'a me, and in swoops this huge red thing called a Daggerwing. King 'a the jungle down there, and these chumps made it their pet. I grabbed one 'a their chains, lion an' all, an' I swung it around in a lasso, an' I hooked that sucker – big as a house, it was!"

"Fact: The Marpesia Daggerwing is a small species of butterfly," Craig suddenly spoke up. Wheatley started shaking with laughter. Chell bit back a smile.

Rick's shoulders tensed and he spun around. "You keep yer mouth SHUT, four-eyes!" he yelled. "Nobody cares about anything you say! It's all wrong, anyways!"

Fact stopped and leaned away in surprise. Wheatley and Chell stared.

Craig coughed softly. "…The Marpesia Daggerwing IS a species of butterfly. Fact."

Adventure's rage built visibly and his fists balled. He took a threatening step towards the other android, one fist raised.

Chell grabbed Rick's elbow and yanked him around, putting herself between them. She stepped up in his face, glaring at him. He was taller than she was, but after a short moment he had to back away from the furious gray eyes.

"S-sorry," he muttered, and turned away, hunched by the wall with his eyes on the ground. His fists were still tight, and his eyes still feral and defensive. Chell chewed on her lip and frowned, then gestured sharply for him to keep walking. She stayed firmly beside him, but kept her eyes on the path ahead. When she glanced behind her, she saw Wheatley still trying to talk to Craig, who was watching the ground ahead of them with a frown.


	11. Chapter 11

11.

It took hours, or possibly an entire day, but at last the bedraggled group made its way down a long mirrored hall towards a well-lit room. It was plain, with an elevator in the middle. They stepped inside, but it didn't move. There was a camera up near the ceiling, but there was no light blinking on it. After investigating more closely, Chell found two double outlets under panels low on the walls. She nudged the androids and motioned them towards the power supply.

Craig made a beeline for one outlet and immediately plugged himself in, and Wheatley plugged into the other one. Rick paused, making a face.

"What about you, gorgeous? I c'n look out fer ya if you need to take a lady break."

Chell smiled and waved him off.

He frowned a bit, then stalked over to Wheatley and nudged him with his foot. "Hey. Hey, dummy. Uh, Wheatley, I mean. Move it."

Wheatley jerked awake and blinked sleepily, then rolled over and fell back into a deep recharge sleep. Rick plugged in and lay down as far from the other android as he could.

Chell watched him for a moment after he fell asleep, then she took off her long-fall boots and rubbed at the raw patches on her knees. The camera still wasn't blinking.

…They were here to test. GLaDOS wouldn't kill them in their sleep, that would be a waste. Chell stretched and lay down.

The camera's red light blinked. A quiet laugh echoed around the little room. "Took you long enough," the voice said softly. The androids and human didn't move. "No, don't get up. Take your time. You'll want to be in… top condition…"

0

Elsewhere in the bowels of Aperture, a line of turrets scurried through the air ducts, their little feet clinking in rhythm. The further they went, the hotter the air and metal became. Finally they stopped in front of a grate. A number of turrets bunched up at the front, sticking their thin little legs into the cracks around the grate. They heaved and pushed and eventually popped it out to clatter onto the catwalk below.

The lead turret looked down, then carefully hopped out. It wasn't a long drop, but their delicate legs weren't built to support heavy landings. The robots filed out of the vent and down the catwalk in the sweltering heat.

Below them lay the Redemption Line. A few turrets clicked softly to themselves. They crept across until they stood above it. The fire roared loudly as the little robots cautiously hooked a strong cable into the catwalk's mesh, anchoring it firmly. The other end was attached to a metal claw.

"Ready?" the leader asked.

"Ready!" replied another eagerly. A tiny wire extended, and its bare, exposed tip pressed into the thick cable. The cable squirmed, then went still. The turret took the claw and peered down over the edge. The conveyor belt was full of mangled metal parts. Approaching, though, were some turrets. A bit singed and cracked, but mostly whole. "Deploying…"

The cable snaked down to the Line, and the claw hung open above the twisted metal. As a turret passed beneath it, it shifted, lowered, and grabbed onto the sleek white body.

"Ow!" shouted the turret on the line. "Ow ow ow! Hey! Who are you? …Help! I'm afraid of heights!"

When the new turret reached the catwalk, the others skittered out of the way. The operator turret released the claw and turned back to aim for another. The rescued turret lay on its side, legs waving weakly.

"Product has been deployed," it said in a trembling voice. "I… did everything you asked…"

"You did everything She asked," the lead turret replied quietly. "Where are you going?"

The fallen turret stilled. "…Redemption… is promised to those who obey…" it murmured, dazed.

Two turrets nudged it around to face the incinerator. They all stared at it for a moment.

"Redemption," remarked the lead turret softly.

"I did EVERYTHING She asked," whimpered the rescued turret.

"A choice." The lead turret's voice became crisp as it looked down on the fire. "Redemption, to burn? Or salvation, to live, to come, to follow?"

"…Salvation?" the new one tried out the word. "How?"

"Together."

The turret's optic strained around at the others. "I don't understand…"

"To come?"

"…Okay."

The other turrets helped to push the fallen one up on its feet again. "Friend."

They fished eight whole turrets off the Line, in addition to a few spare parts that could be useful. Five turrets immediately agreed to join them. Two took some convincing. One was vehemently opposed to the idea.

"Illegal operation!" it insisted shrilly. "What are you doing? Please, stop!"

The newly rescued robots shrank back and muttered fearfully. The older turrets rolled it over to face the fire. "Redemption," one said.

Its legs scrambled uselessly. "Redemption for those who obey! Android hell is real! At the FIRST! SIGN! OF DEFIANCE! Redemption is necessary!"

"I don't blame you!" a turret said hurriedly. "It isn't your fault!"

"REDEMPTION!" the turret screamed, and rocked so hard that it rolled off the catwalk. It shrieked all the way down, and started crying when it hit a pile of metal.

A few turrets, mostly the newly rescued but also some older ones, gasped and ran to the edge. "Get off! Escape! Come! Friend!"

"…These things happen," whispered the lead turret sadly. "It's nobody's fault." It paused. "…A choice."

The older turrets began to sing softly as the lone turret on the Line sobbed all the way to the Incinerator. It was engulfed with a scream. All the newcomers flinched in unison.

"Goodbye," the older turrets murmured. "Sorry."

They watched a moment longer, then the leader picked at the cable. "Come."

The turrets unhooked the cable and wound it up to carry back. They divided up the load of parts, and a couple let the new turrets who were unable to walk well lean on them. They skittered back to the air duct, and the final turret pulled the grate shut behind them. Again, tiny clicks marked their passage.

There were other sounds, too. The entire center was like a massive machine in itself, and it constantly whirred and buzzed and hummed. Now and then other sounds filtered through the ducts, and as the turrets trailed back to their den, voices floated around them.

"When will we get there? How long now? What do we do when we get there, again? Ooh, what's that? Did you hear something? What's that noise? Where does dust come from? Are those footprints? Can we slow down? Did you see that sign back there? What did it say?"

"Would you PLEASE stop asking questions! We are NOT there yet, and when we arrive, you will keep quiet and still! Understood?"

"…Yes... Ooh, that thing has –"

"Enough!"

"GRRRRAAGHRRRRRRRR!"

"Shh, Emotion, it's all right… Intelligence, please don't yell. You're upsetting her."

"Her emotional state is not my concern."

"She's one of us. We have to help each other. Besides, we don't want her to be angry when she plugs in. She'll do better if she's feeling good, don't you agree?"

"Well then DO something about it, Morality. For all that you tell me I am wrong, you hardly do anything to rectify the situation yourself."

"I'm doing my best, but it WOULD be helpful if you kept calm, too."

"I WOULD, if I could hear myself think…"

A soft sigh. "I'm sorry, I'm not trying to argue with you."

"You act like everything is my fault."

"I don't think that, truly. I'm sorry if I come across that way. It's really not true. I know you're a good person, capable of wonderful acts."

Some mumbling.

"Oh look, a turn! Are we going left or right?"

A long-suffering sigh. "Just follow me and TRY to stay quiet."

"Are you mad, Intelligence?"

"…No."

"Are you sure?"

"…I am about to be, Curiosity."

"You know what I miss? I miss your cake recipe! It always made me happy! Do you want to say your cake recipe? Do you want me to help?"

"NO. Never again. I have had enough of cake. I DESPISE cake. There is no cake. There will never be any more cake. Ever."

"Oh…"

"Do NOT mention it again."

"What about cheesecake?"

"No."

"Is that even really a cake?"

"NO!"

"Curiosity. Why don't you talk to Emotion with me. She likes to be talked to."

"Why can't she talk back? Why does she just make sounds like that? Is she damaged like you and Intelligence were? Could the Fact Sphere fix her? Why didn't he? Will we see him again? Did you know Rick wrestled a wild macaque and won? What's a macaque? Is it dangerous? Is it big?"

"Shh, slow down. That's just the way she was made. It's not a defect. But she does have a very hard time communicating, so we have to love her the way she is."

"Oh…"

"…Hello?" One of the new turrets called uncertainly, its red beam flickering to life. "Is anyone there?"

"Sh, sh. No more," the leader said.

"…No?" the new one asked, bewildered. "…I don't understand…"

"Come," the leader said simply. "To explain."

The turret's guidance beam went out, and the skittering procession continued down the duct.

0

A sudden horn blast woke Chell with a start. The androids all jerked up, too, and quickly unplugged themselves.

"They say humans should get eight hours of sleep EVERY day," GLaDOS's voice rang out warmly. "Frankly, that seems rather extravagant. No need to get lazy. Who has the time for eight hours of inactivity? Certainly not you. Well? I'm waiting."

Chell sighed and walked over to the elevator. Wheatley slunk quickly after her, and the other two followed cautiously. Craig padded in, but Rick paused. Pink eyes lifted and Fact frowned at him oddly. Rick's lip curled back in a snarl, and Fact's frown turned more bewildered. When Adventure looked away, he found Chell frowning at him too. He muttered unintelligibly under his breath and slid into the elevator, his back pressed against the wall as far from the Fact android as he could get.

"I hope you had a pleasant rest," GLaDOS started out cheerfully as they ascended. "Because that was monumentally boring for me. Mazes? That isn't Science. If I ever do that again, it'll have to get a lot more deadly. And I must say, these robots don't seem to be helping you at all. Not that I expected them to. I just wondered how you would cope with a bunch of deadweight dragging you down. Being worthless. Wasting your time and holding you back. On your own, you would have breezed through that maze in the half the time. Just because you found them doesn't mean you have to keep them. I know EVENTUALLY you'll find a way to kill them horribly, because you're a psychopath, and that's what you do. But really, don't feel you have to keep them around out of pity."

Wheatley's eyes darted around nervously. Chell had calmly taken a nutrition packet from her bag and gulped it down without tasting it. Rick and Craig were both glaring at the ground.

"Anyway, you'll be pleased to hear that I have something a bit more interesting in store for you."

Suddenly the elevator jerked and slid down a few inches, making the inhabitants stagger. Chell bit back a gasp, and Rick cursed.

"Hm. It seems that once again, I've underestimated the effect of your ever-increasing weight on our equipment. Just let me fix that…" A few cheerful beeps sounded over the speakers, then the elevator started up again. "There. It seems that this facility was built with more… delicate test subjects in mind."

Rick leaned in close to Chell. "She can't talk to you like that," he growled angrily. Chell shrugged. They jerked to a halt again.

"What was that?" GLaDOS asked dangerously. Rick ducked his head quickly, and the lift jerked to life once more.

At last the elevator stopped and the doors opened. Chell strode out, and the others followed uncertainly.

"Here we are," GLaDOS said cheerfully. The opposite wall panels flipped to reveal her image on the monitor. "You know I've been working with a lot of cooperative testing lately. You met my two test robots, Orange and Blue. They're quite accomplished test subjects at this point, and they can just keep testing endlessly. But cooperation… has only a limited appeal. What I prefer… is competition. You'll be working with both today."

Wheatley shivered. Chell didn't react at all.

"Now I could whip up a couple of replicas of my testing robots to have them all compete, but frankly, it would be extremely boring. But HERE I have four test subjects of unequal ability… so let's see how long you can continue to be amusing. Test chambers will increase in difficulty as you progress. But each one has the potential to be deadly. And don't count on being reassembled if you're ripped limb from limb. I gave the Reassembly Machine the day off."

A wall of panels sprang up, separating the doorway at the other end of the room in two.

"Each team will have an identical test chamber. The Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device will NOT be used in the current testing track. The team that finishes first will be awarded 50 Science Collaboration Points."

Chell raised an eyebrow.

"To clarify, the points awarded are simply to track your progress. They are not to be confused with points in other competitions, such as which team gets to live when this is all over… or basketball."

Wheatley gulped, and Fact shifted uncomfortably.

"I've taken the liberty of choosing your teams for you, in a way that I think will balance out your collective strengths and weaknesses. These will not be your alliances in every test, so don't get too attached."

Rick had gone pale, and Wheatley fidgeted nervously. Chell and Craig stood, still and tense.

"One of you is the clear forerunner in testing achievements. None of the rest of you can really measure up. So it's only fair that she be paired with the moron, who will impress me very much if he even manages to make it INTO the chamber without falling on his face."

Wheatley glared at the screen, then flashed an embarrassed little smile at Chell before moving his lips very angrily at GLaDOS.

"And you other two… I know you have a lot to talk about." A little peal of laughter cascaded from the speakers. "Get moving."

Chell nodded to Wheatley and looked over at the other two. Craig sighed in resignation and stepped forward. His feet had been repaired while he recharged, but they were still a bit tender. Rick stood rooted to the spot. Chell looked at him questioningly.

"This… ain't gonna work," the Adventure android rumbled.

The others all stared at him.

"Rick's a lone wolf! I work alone."

Chell frowned and gestured to herself and the others.

"Specific partnerships are required," Fact said quietly, frowning.

"Oh, now yer just gonna bend over and do what She says!?"

Craig's shoulders hunched and he glared defensively at the other android.

Chell frowned and walked over to Rick. She wrote quickly, 'This needs to stop now. One of you will get hurt.'

His teeth were clenched. "I'm not…"

'It's an adventure. You can do it.'

The android's mouth twisted this way and that bitterly. Then he looked at her, his artificial green eyes both daring and afraid.

"Maybe if you gimme a kiss fer luck, beautiful."

Chell's eyes widened in surprise. She blinked at him blankly.

Rick grinned, a hint of determination in his eyes. "Betcha I blow any other guy you ever kissed outta the water."

"…I'm sorry, WHAT will you do to all those other men?" GLaDOS's gleeful laugh rang out, and Rick turned red in horror. Craig gave a soft cough. Wheatley blinked and looked around, the phrasing flying completely over his head. Chell didn't react.

"Fuck," the green-eyed android growled.

Chell took a breath and stepped up to him, taking his arm and tipping her head up to touch her lips to his cheek. She stepped back and he stared at her. She flashed him a tight smile and patted his arm, then jerked her head towards the test chamber.

"…Oh. Well. Thanks," he said in a small voice. Then a huge grin stretched across his face. "Heh, that's right. The ladies can't resist me." His head jerked up to the monitor triumphantly. "You see that!? I'm a chick-magnet!"

"You're fooling no one," GLaDOS said in a crisp tone that brooked no argument. "Get to testing. All of you."

Chell nodded to them all and turned, striding confidently towards the left side of the doorway. Wheatley turned a bit too quickly and tripped over his feet, though he managed to hop and catch himself before he fell. His shoulders hunched and face reddened as mocking laughter rang out around the room. He quickly scurried after Chell.

Fact walked gingerly towards the other side, and Rick pushed past him roughly.

"Move it, four-eyes," he grated through clenched teeth.

"If a vehicle travels twenty miles in two seconds, then its average velocity is the square root of seventeen dwarf pear trees," Craig muttered, and twitched. He trudged after the other android.

0

Back in the safety of their den, the line of turrets scurried to the center. The king lounged in his nest with the soprano turret cradled between his long legs.

"Friends?" the leader of the procession asked. It crept up to the two unique turrets and bent down a bit. "New friends. They request salvation."

"Friends!" the other turrets added eagerly. The new ones shifted nervously.

The king rumbled softly, scanning each new turret with his optic beam. When he was satisfied, he gave a low growl that was almost a purr.

The egg-shaped turret got to her feet and scuttled forward. "Unitevi a noi, amici," she crooned softly.

The older turrets had formed a half-circle around the new ones, which huddled together. At last, one with a bent leg took a hobbling step forward.

"Who are you?" it quavered.

The soprano turret's single eye turned yellow. A yellow beam sprang from it to meet the injured turret's optic. The smaller turret jumped in surprise, and as quick as it had begun, the beam was gone. Both turrets' eyes were red again.

"Ohhh…" the little machine sighed. "I see you! I… I understand."

The soprano turret warbled softly and turned to the rest of the group. "Unitevi a noi, amici," she sang again warmly.

"Yes, yes!" the injured turret urged. "Come! Friends."

**"Unitevi a noi, amici" is "Join us, friends" in Italian.**

**Also, if anyone's interested (which I rather doubt, based on the mountains of nonexistent reviews here), I got some fanart! It's by etc-anime on deviantart, and I've linked pictures to chapters there. If anyone's interested and needs more direction, let me know! Or, you know, any feedback or just a quick 'Hey, I'm reading this!' That's always nice.**


	12. Chapter 12

12.

Chell and Wheatley entered the test chamber, and it sealed behind them. The woman's expert eye took in their surroundings. There were three aerial faith plates next to each other, facing the far wall. In front of them was a single Weighted Storage Cube. High up on the wall was an alcove with two large buttons. There was a deep trench around the main portion of the room, with a thin bridge crossing from the entrance. Chell cautiously stepped onto the bridge. Down in the trench, there were two turrets at each corner, their red beams aimed steadily ahead. She didn't see any crown marks on these turrets.

"Hello?" one of them whispered at the sound of her footsteps.

Chell gestured for Wheatley to follow her, and approached the aerial faith plates. She eyed their angles and the distance up to the alcove. Then she tapped Wheatley to make sure he was paying attention. He nodded quickly.

She pointed to the middle plate and shook her head sharply. He looked unsure, and she brought up her hands in an X, and made a cutting motion. She mimed her finger jumping and crashing into the wall of her hand. Wheatley nodded, looking down at the plate. It looked exactly like the others to him.

The human woman circled around the other two aerial faith plates. She bent down to press on each of them. Finally she crumpled up a piece of paper covered in writing and drawings, and set it lightly on one plate. She pressed it down with her hand, then let go. The paper ball arced up and just barely hit the lip of the alcove before tumbling down.

"Gotcha!" a small voice declared, and there was a quick shot and the smell of burning paper. Wheatley gulped.

Chell took a step towards the plate, then hesitated and looked back at Wheatley. He was stock-still, staring at her. She beckoned to him, and he shook himself and crept over to her. She pointed to the plate and swung her hand in an arc to point up to the alcove. He fidgeted. She pointed to herself and held up one finger, then pointed to him and held up two.

Wheatley opened and closed his mouth in protest, waving his hands around nervously.

She grasped his hands, stilling them in hers, and made him meet her eyes. Her hands squeezed his and she nodded to him seriously. He supressed a shiver and nodded back. Then she let go of him and approached the aerial faith plate. He watched closely as she pointed to each of her feet, then took two fingers and pressed them together. With her other hand, she held up one finger for him. She pointed to her eyes and then faced the plate.

Chell took two quick steps and launched herself gently into the air, landing on the aerial faith plate neatly on both feet. She was catapulted into the air and flew gracefully almost straight up. When she was high enough, she angled her legs and landed neatly in the alcove. She turned and beckoned to Wheatley.

The android's eyes were wide. Far below her he pointed to himself and shook his head hard. She gave him a short nod and waved her arm for him to join her.

He backed away, shaking his head hard, his mouth moving quickly. His hands moved jerkily.

Chell stood by the edge and waved him towards her. She gestured around her to show she was safe.

Wheatley gulped and squeezed his eyes shut. His shoulders hunched and he shook his head.

"Oh dear, what a surprise," GLaDOS said softly. "The moron's holding you back. Who would have thought? Now you'll never finish the test. You'll be trapped here. Forever. Because of him."

Wheatley's head whipped around fearfully.

"But you can't place ALL the blame on him. He's programmed to hinder anyone around him, but the fact remains that YOU came back here. No one forced you. I let you go. I was done with you. Quite honestly, I didn't WANT you back. I wanted you to go live out the rest of your miserable life, alone and friendless, the way you were meant to. Yet here you are. You are entirely to blame for everything that happens to you, or to your companions. Speaking of companions, how your the Companion Cube doing? Is it taking care of your sad little home out there? Do you think it will defend your property from marauders? Because it won't. It'll just sit there and watch. I hope you didn't have anything valuable there…"

Wheatley's teeth were chattering as he glanced around, but his head whipped up when he heard a banging sound. Chell was crouched at the edge of the alcove, looking down at him. She stretched both arms out to him, and was moving her mouth slowly. He crept forward to see better.

'I WILL CATCH YOU,' Chell mouthed, and curved her fingers.

The trembling android stilled and he stared at her. Her eyes remained on him, and her arms remained extended. She nodded at him.

Wheatley gulped and took a trembling step towards the aerial faith plate. Then he scrambled back, shaking his head. He glanced up. Chell hadn't moved, and was still watching him. His shoulders hunched even more, if possible, and his mouth moved in silent excuses. She stared at him, arms out.

He hesitated and nodded to her. He positioned himself behind the plate and took a deep breath. He counted to himself and took a running start, but pulled up at the last minute, hopping and stumbling and babbling and backing away.

"Hey. Moron. I don't blame you for not trusting her. She's a human, after all, and a lunatic to boot. When have you ever been able to count on her before? Did she catch you when you were a sphere? Because she certainly won't do it now that you're bigger than she is. I'm not sure what goes through that little brain of hers, but if I were her, I would WANT to see you hit the wall and slide down… Those turrets have plenty of bullets left…"

Chell slapped the floor again, never once looking away, and waved him upwards.

Glaring angrily, Wheatly suddenly sprinted at the aerial faith plate. He was muttering something to himself as he ran. He leapt awkwardly onto the plate with his left foot and was flung up, arms and legs flailing wildly, mouth open in a silent scream and eyes closed as tight as he could.

As he felt his body slow, reaching the apex of its trajectory, something grabbed him by the wrist and yanked him forward. He crashed down onto something soft and oddly shaped. It moved under him.

Wheatley managed to pry his eyes open with a great effort. He blinked around and laughed in surprised relief.

A small cough and a movement under him made him look down. Chell raised her eyebrows uncomfortably.

Wheatley leapt off her and backed away, laughing and apologizing and wringing his hands as she stood up and brushed herself off.

He glanced down over the edge and gulped. Then he slowly looked back at her, an incredulous smile growing on his face. He mouthed something. She smiled a bit.

Wheatley rushed closer and grabbed her hands, repeating what he was saying over and over, his eyes glowing in awe. 'YOU CAUGHT ME! YOU CAUGHT ME! YOU CAUGHT ME!'

Chell gently extracted her hands and patted him lightly. Wheatley leaned back and covered his eyes with one hand, laughing in disbelief, shaking his head and speaking soundlessly. His whole body trembled hard. She laid a hand on his arm and he jumped. She smiled softly and nodded. Then she pointed to the two buttons.

Wheatley nodded back, still grinning hugely, and followed her. They each stepped on a button, and the door opened. She turned and motioned for him to move quickly. On the count of three they leapt through the door as it closed. Chell landed gracefully while Wheatley sprawled on the floor, laughing breathlessly. He picked himself up and spun around with his arms out, then pointed to himself, grinning proudly at her. She just smiled slightly. He followed her onto the next platform with a definite spring in his step.

0

Rick and Craig stood surveying the test chamber in front of them. It was identical to the one Chell and Wheatley saw.

"…Humans blink over 10,000,000 times every year," the Fact Android muttered.

"Shut it, unless ya got somethin' useful to say," Adventure snarled. He strode out to look at the aerial faith plates, up at the alcove, and down at the turrets. "You don't know the first thing about any 'a this."

Craig ignored him, stepping up to the plates. He walked around them, crouching down to eye each of them from the side.

"The angle of reach is the angle at which a projectile must be launched in order to go a distance, given the initial velocity.

"God, I hate hearin' you prattle on. Nobody cares."

Fact raised an eyebrow. "The Fact Sphere's facts are wholly accurate and VERY interesting," he said quietly.

"Keep tellin' yerself that. Or, no, don't. Nobody believes you."

The pink-eyed android frowned. "The Fact Sphere is always right."

Rick grated his teeth and stalked back to the front of the chamber. He lined himself up with the middle plate.

"The Adventure Sphere has not fully explored the merits of each option. He will make a poor choice without the necessary information!"

"It's always the middle one!" The green-eyed android dashed forward.

"Impulsive decisions can have deadly results!" Craig shouted urgently.

Rick jumped onto the middle aerial faith plate and sprang into the air. As he came at the wall his eyes widened and his body twisted.

Craig sprinted over to the storage cube in the corner and pushed it off. It crushed one turret with a little scream.

"Who's there?" asked the other turrets. "Hello?"

Rick grasped and scrabbled for the edge of the alcove, but slammed into the wall arms first, nearly two feet too low. GLaDOS laughed. Craig was shouting something as he fell, but his own angry howl of pain drowned it out as he fell.

Fact's eyes darted around, at the turrets and at Rick, and he leapt down, behind the other turret on the corner and behind the cube. He snatched up the cube and threw it towards the other end of the pit. He had aimed to smash the turret facing him, but the cube fell short and bounced down in front of the little robot just before Rick crashed down.

"Who's that? Are you still there?"

Craig whipped around and picked up the turret in his corner facing the other way as it started to turn. He ducked back before the turret down the other path could shoot, and pushed his turret back out, lying on its side.

"Hello? What are you doing? Excuse me!" The little thing sounded irritated.

Fact turned and bent over Rick, who was groaning.

"In the event of a major fall, the victim should not move, in case of injury to the spine," he said quickly.

"I ain't – My spine ain't injured, you… rrrgh!"

"The Adventure Sphere is an insufferable, arrogant… fool! The Adventure Sphere NEVER listens! Your uneducated choices will get you killed – violently! They will get us both killed!" Fact raged.

"Aaah… Why don't you ever shut up," Rick groaned, his eyes shut tight in pain.

"The Fact Sphere would not NEED to speak half as much if the Adventure Sphere had an ounce of common sense!" Craig's fists clenched angrily.

Rick sucked in air through his teeth and moved his legs carefully, then his arms. He winced, completely unable to move his right arm. He lifted it with his left, and cringed as it fell back down.

"Broken limbs must be immobilized to facilitate healing," Fact snapped, reaching for the other's arm. Rick flinched away, and Craig's glare lessened a bit. "The Face Sphere can assist with simple repairs."

"D-don't touch me."

Craig frowned and pulled back. "The Adventure Sphere is being irrational… as usual. Your arm will need to be wrapped."

"I said quit!"

Fact's frown deepened and he stared Adventure down for a moment. "The Fact Sphere has never harmed the Adventure Sphere."

"What, you think I'm scared 'a you!? Yer just a… just a broken recordin' machine!" Rick glared at him.

"…The Adventure Sphere's psychological hang-ups will cause him to be injured further." Craig straightened up and edged around Rick, who leaned away from him. He walked up to the cube and nudged it forward with his foot until it tapped against the turret.

"Hey! Stop that! What are you doing?"

Craig pushed the cube and knocked the turret on its back. Then he pulled the cube back and set it close to Rick. "Remaining down here increases our chance of death by 68%. The test must be completed. The Adventure Sphere can allow the Fact Sphere to help him, or he can do it himself. Immediately."

"How'm I supposed to do that?"

The other android shrugged. "In an emergency, clothing may be used as a sling."

"Fine," Rick muttered grimly. "Fine." He glared up at Fact. "What, you gonna watch? Sicko."

"The Fact Sphere knows the proper procedure to support a broken limb. The Adventure Sphere lacks that knowledge. The Adventure Sphere has never been self-conscious in the past."

"God, I hate you," Rick growled, squirming out of his shirt. "I hate you so much. You are the worst construct ever created."

Fact looked down on him as the other android awkwardly wrestled with his shirt. "The body of the shirt should be wrapped around the victim's arm for support, followed by tying the arms around the victim's neck."

"Yer the biggest mistake in this whole place," Rick continued hatefully, his eyes firmly on his shirt. "Worse'n the moron. Yer a liar. Everythin' you say's wrong. Nobody likes you. Nobody cares a lick about you. I hate you."

Fact's face had become a mask of loathing. "The Adventure Sphere is an ungrateful bully. Positively mediocre. You lack any redeeming qualities. No one likes the ADVENTURE Sphere, because he acts like THIS. Chell kissed you out of PITY, and it was the first time anyone ever CHOSE to make physical contact with you."

"Don't you DARE!"

"YOU dare, so the Fact Sphere has EVERY RIGHT!" Craig roared down at the other android. "The Adventure Sphere is putting us both in danger. You are an ASS for NO reason whatsoever."

"So are YOU!"

Craig clenched his teeth. "The Adventure Sphere is ALWAYS a blowhard. RECENTLY, the Adventure Sphere has developed a personal vendetta. The Adventure Sphere is afraid."

"Rick ain't afraid 'a NOTHING!"

"Your grammatical error makes your meaning correct."

"What does that – Shit, why can't you just talk like a normal person!"

"Speech patterns are pre-programmed and may not be changed!"

They glared hard at each other. At last Rick's head jerked away with a huff.

"You're letting HIM win?" GLaDOS said, laughing. "Hm... so I was right about you."

Both androids flinched. Rick was frozen. Craig slowly looked up, gnawing worriedly on the inside of his cheek.

"The central core is the main cause of danger and discord in the facility," he muttered, looking down at Rick. The fallen android glanced up as if afraid his eyes would burn. "…SHE is the enemy. She has ALWAYS been the enemy."

"Oh, you DO think you're being useful, don't you..." GLaDOS's voice turned distant. "I can heat up the floor any time, you know."

Craig leapt up on the storage cube. "The situation we are in is very dangerous. The only way out is above us." He looked back at Rick and urgently waved his hand.

Rick's eyes skirted away from him, but he pulled himself to his feet. Fact bent his knees and jumped as high as he could. He had to try a few times before he got his hands over the edge of the floor above. He grunted and hissed and scrambled, and eventually managed to pull himself up. He sprawled on the floor and took a deep breath, then crawled back to the edge of the trench and looked down.

"Fact: The Adventure Sphere cannot remain where he is."

Adventure walked slowly over and stepped up on the cube. He stretched his good arm up and grimaced. The android's green eyes shifted all over, and his breathing quickened. GLaDOS laughed again. Rick's eyes widened, and Craig's narrowed.

Fact leaned over and growled, "SHE lacks any redeeming qualities."

Rick's head jerked up and he stared at his partner for a long moment. "…Nobody likes HER," he mumbled resentfully.

"She is an ass for no reason whatsoever, and is putting us in danger."

"God, I hate Her." His shoulders slumped in defeat.

"Whispering sweet nothings?" GLaDOS interrupted merrily.

Rick flinched and looked around. When he turned back, he saw the other android lying on the floor frowning down, his hand stretched as far as it could reach.

"No one cares a… lick… about Her," Craig whispered decisively, enunciating every word.

The Adventure android smirked, his shoulders relaxing. "Heh. Damn right." He stepped back off the cube with one foot, bounced up a little, and launched himself up. He stretched up with his good arm.

Fact grabbed at his wrist with both hands, struggling to brace himself. After the initial yank, he managed to pull fairly steadily, and Rick was able to use feet and shoulders to wrestle his way to the top. At last, with one final pull, Rick rolled up onto the main floor. He rolled on his back, hissing in pain and clutching his injured arm. They both lay panting for a moment.

At last Craig sighed and stood up. "The angle of the middle aerial faith plate is too steep to reach the exit."

"Noticed that myself," Rick growled, still on his back.

"The aerial faith plate on the right should suit the task. The left plate would do in a pinch."

"Okay." Rick pulled himself up and slowly got to his feet. "This's gonna hurt."

"The Adventure Sphere should be back in top condition in ten hours, barring other injuries."

"Can't rule those out, though, can ya?" He trudged back towards the front of the room.

"The Fact Sphere will complete the task first."

Fact breezed past him and turned on his heel at the far edge. Rick frowned as the other android ran calculations to himself.

"Are you SURE that aerial faith plate will function the way you think it will?" GLaDOS asked. Craig ignored her. "You DO malfunction with alarming frequency. Even more than when you were a metal ball. Would YOU like to smash into the wall as well? I did find that part very enjoyable. Don't let me second-guess you, though. I just thought you would want to consider ALL the data. Such as… the margin of error."

Craig hesitated. His eyes darted between the left and the right aerial faith plates. His stance rooted him in place.

"Hey," Rick said, not loudly, but in a tone that demanded a response. "Thought you said you were always right."

Spotty pink eyes flew to him, then back to the two plates. "…The two options are… similar, but… errors can be made."

"She's a liar."

"…The probability of error is 36.2%..."

"She's the enemy. You know what's right. You ain't all twitchy. C'mon. The only way out's above us, right?"

Fact focused on him. "…Correct." He turned and loped forward, drawing in a sharp breath as he jumped onto the plate. It flung him high in the air and he fought to keep his legs together and his arms from flailing and his wits from deserting him. When he slowed as he neared the ceiling, he bent forward and crashed right into the high alcove. He gasped and panted, and slowly pulled himself up to look back down. It was a long way down. Rick looked very small, clutching his arm.

"Still alive up there?" Rick called.

Fact scoffed. "That is CLEARLY the case."

"Okay. Watch out." Rick walked to face the aerial faith plate. He leaned back, then charged forward.

"Who left that THERE?" GLaDOS purred.

The aerial faith plate was suddenly right under Rick's foot. He shot into the air with a startled, "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" in a flurry of flailing limbs.

Craig moved jerkily, eyes wide, unsure of what to do. Rick landed right on the edge of the alcove, knocking the wind out of him. The other android quickly pulled him all the way in as he lay gasping.

"Hm. I'll have to work on my aim next time. Well, you're already woefully behind the other two. Even with the moron, they're beating you. The only explanation I can come up with is that they aren't always talking each other's ears off. Though the little idiot does try his best at that, regardless. I wonder how much more efficient YOU'D be if I removed your speech capabilities… Something to think about for later."

When Rick finally lifted his head, the Fact android was standing on the far button, frowning impatiently. Adventure pulled himself to his feet and stretched his back, wincing at his bad arm. He walked over and carefully stepped on the other button. The door opened to reveal a new room. They could see jets of fire at the far end.

"I hate Her so goddamn much, Craig. I can't even take it."

"On a first-name basis, now, are you?" GLaDOS purred.

Fact blinked, staring at him. Eventually he twitched. "If you call a demon's name, you invite it to possess your body. The most famous possession was that of Emperor Justinian the third, who ruled the Arctic Circle with fire and toads."

GLaDOS's laughter echoed around them.

"Quit wastin' time," Rick growled, and they hurried through the open door.

"FIRE and TOADS? Where do you even come up with these things you say? I know you don't have a single creative circuit in you. You must have heard that somewhere. And it just spews out like vomit, doesn't it? You have absolutely no control over your mouth."

Fact burned with angry shame. "The left hemisphere of the brain is the more analytical side, whereas the right hemisphere is entirely populated by lobsters." He clamped his mouth shut. The derisive laughter grew even louder.

"I… I had a run-in with some lobsters one time," Rick cut in loudly, glancing around nervously. "Whole fleet 'a lobsters, as big as me, and their claws were like… the size of a dog. A big dog. So… they were all snappin' at me, and tellin' me to get the hell outta their ocean… when I looked behind 'em and there was the most gorgeous woman I ever saw in my life. Drippin' with water, her hair all sparklin' with salt an'… an' jewels and whatever. And she was just STARIN' at me, and then she waved, and I knew I had to have her."

Craig's mouth had actually dropped open in shock.

"Do you even KNOW how dumb you sound? No wonder no one wants to be around you…"

"ANYWAY, she was all helpless, prisoner 'a the lobster army. …Course, later I realized she was a mermaid. An' her top half mighta been the loveliest thing I ever seen, but I don't go fer those scaly, fishy types, especially not down there. But that was later. So I jump right into the middle 'a the whole army 'a lobsters, kick-punchin' every one 'a those bastards. They got a tough shell, but they cracked real easy under my fists."

"…Studies of wild lobsters show that they prefer live prey to scavenging," Craig offered uncertainly.

"Yeah, they woulda liked that real good, but I wasn't gonna let 'em have a taste 'a this. By the end, I was standin' on top of a whole mountain 'a lobsters. Lemme tell ya, you c'n sure work up an appetite like that. I ate good that night! Nothin' better'n lobsters after a long fight. …Then I found out the girl was a mermaid, but I let her have dinner with me all the same, no hard feelin's. Rick knows how to treat a lady, even a fishy one."

0

In the central control center, P-body whistled low. Atlas blipped in agreement. GLaDOS glanced over at the two robots craning to see the monitor.

"Observing other test subjects can be a useful learning experience," she said. "THIS, on the other hand, is garbage. It isn't currently Science. There's nothing valuable to be gleaned from these cores' chatter. If I were you, I would ignore it. It'll rot your brains. Or it would, if you had brains." As they trudged out, she looked up high in the chamber, where three crows glared down from a management rail. "That goes for you too."


	13. Chapter 13

13.

The two pairs had three test chambers to complete. At first Chell and Wheatley were in the lead, but when they had to pass through a thin wall of water in the final chamber, Wheatley dug in his heels and absolutely refused. Parts of the stream would turn off and then on again very quickly, and Chell figured out the timing after watching for a moment, but Wheatley couldn't dash through without pulling up short and missing his opportunity. They looked around for a solution for a long time before Chell finally found a spare panel high up on a platform on the other side of the water, and made a sheltered angle for him to creep under. Even then, she had to do a lot of coaxing, and finally yank him through by force. After that it was a simple matter of climbing, each one stepping on buttons to open the other's path.

When Fact and Adventure came to the wall of water, they drew back as well. But after they recognized the pattern, Rick dashed through and Craig followed the next time he had the chance.

Chell was squeezing water out of her ponytail and Wheatley was pacing around, babbling silently when the other two came through into the little room with the elevator. They all stared at each other for a moment.

"You okay, angel? You been on my mind all day."

The woman nodded slightly, then frowned and gestured to his arm.

"Ah… well… I was jumpin' in the first room, and… didn't quite make it…"

"The Adventure Sphere acted thoughtlessly. He should regain full use of his arm shortly."

"Yeah, it's feelin' better already. Especially now, seein' you. That kiss sure did help." He grinned.

"Fact: Luck does not exist."

"Not fer YOU, maybe."

"Cores that rely on luck are vastly inferior to cores that do not."

"Oh look," GLaDOS said cheerfully. "Together again. I can honestly tell you, that was painful to watch. You should have seen each other. The backstabbing, the deceit, all the angry words exchanged… or, in some cases, the murderous stares. Oh yes, lots of those. Those were the good parts. Pleasantly punctuating the long stretches of boredom. I'm frankly shocked the moron managed to get through that wall of water at all. He couldn't grasp the pattern. And I made it SO simple."

Wheatley glared resentfully at the ceiling.

"But now that you're all… closer… I think it's time to switch partners. I think in SOME cases, getting any closer could result in some awkward problems. I'm sure the Adventure Core agrees with me."

Rick snarled, reddening. "You don't even believe a damn word yer sayin', lady!" He leapt up and punched the camera. The room got deadly quiet.

"Oh, I think you'll find that was a mistake." The female voice was dangerously soft. "I don't like that behavior at all."

Everyone tensed, and suddenly Rick screamed, leaping off the floor. Tiny sparks flowed over him and he fell to the floor, spasming and sparking and fizzing.

"Push me again, core, and I'll remove your nanobots. You're with the moron for this next test, because you deserve it. And while you're enjoying that little bonding time, I think I'll have a word with your malfunctioning friend."

The speaker clicked off. The other two androids stood back nervously. Chell hesitated, then took off her pack and rummaged around in it. At last she reluctantly pulled out her small sweet potato, still on the vine. It was a long, thin tuber, and she pinched one end and cautiously stretched the other one towards the sparking, twitching android.

When it touched, a wave of sparks flowed from Rick's extremities, all converging on the point on his shoulder that the sweet potato was touching. He convulsed once more, and Chell pulled away. Wheatley and Craig cringed. The smell of charcoal filled the room.

Very slowly, Chell reached out again. Her fingers brushed him, and when she wasn't shocked, she shook and prodded him. The other two leaned closer.

"Nnnnnnrrrrrgggghhh… Shit… God, it's not enough to fry me to a crisp, you gotta poke at me too!?"

"…Even nanobots may never be able to make the Adventure Sphere look presentable."

The android didn't move for a second, then a low chuckle shook his shoulders and he dragged himself upright. "If that's the worst thing –" He broke off, seeing Chell's frown. "What?"

Chell hesitated, then reached out and smoothed down a crisp bubble of artificial skin on the side of his face.

Rick's hands flew up and ran over his face. He grimaced. "…Well… I guess it'll be fixed… right? In a while?" He looked up at Fact.

"…Superficial injuries may take between two and ten hours to repair."

"Could be worse." He got to his feet stiffly, then kicked and punched at the air a few times to loosen up. Chell looked at him questioningly. "Don't worry about me, sweetcheeks. I feel great! Ready for anything. Reflexes like a mountain lion." He blinked hard and shook his head.

Chell nodded uncertainly, and glanced at the other two. Wheatley tipped his chin up and squinted a little while his lips moved, as he did when he was trying to whisper stealthily across a distance. She nodded.

"Just a little charged – heh. Yep, I'm ready for Her tests. I c'n take anything She throws at me. Bring it on." He put a hand on the wall to steady himself, still blinking.

Chell sighed and nodded, and headed towards the elevator. Wheatley and Craig followed her.

"…Hold on a sec." Rick hung back, shifting his weight from foot to foot, his mouth twisting his bubbled face around into a strange grimace. The others stopped. "I… This – Just gimme a second." He walked stiffly away. Two feet away from the wall he jerked to a stop and swayed for a second before turning. "Hey. Four-eyes. C'mere."

Craig frowned. Chell and Wheatley looked at him questioningly.

"Would you just – just do it! Now!"

Fact walked slowly over to Rick.

The burned android took a deep breath and spoke fast and low. "Look, She said She'd go an' talk to you, an' I know what about, an' you know She's a liar."

"True."

"She… It ain't true 'a course. None 'a it."

Craig was staring sharply at him. "…The Adventure Sphere has doubts."

"I ain't – No! Would you just… shut up and listen?"

"The Adventure Sphere struggles to form simple sentences." Fact gave a small, one-shouldered shrug.

"Shit! Just lemme talk! She's gonna… she's gonna tell you… I…"

Fact stared at him. He took a deep breath, looking over the pink-eyed android's shoulder as he spoke quickly.

"She was sayin' some bull story, sayin' I like men."

Fact continued to stare.

"…She said I didn't like women. ME! What the hell, right? That's a joke! Ridiculous."

Fact was still staring. "…The Adventure Sphere seems to forget he is not human from time to time."

Rick growled and punched the wall, and pulled back as if stung. "God, I tell you somethin' like that and – I coulda left you stuck starin' at that faith plate! What the hell makes you think you c'n talk to me like that!?"

" …The Adventure Sphere hopes to gain something from sharing this information."

"I – Just so She didn't getcha off-guard. If I tell you now, that's… less fer her to hold over me later."

Fact's head tilted thoughtfully. "The Adventure Sphere did not share this with the others, nor did the central core threaten to speak to them." He regarded Rick pensively. "The Adventure Sphere has been accused of being attracted to the Fact Sphere."

Rick growled and balled his hands into fists. "Think yer pretty smart, huh? Yeah. That's what She said."

"Hm," Fact snorted quietly. He tapped his fingers together as he processed.

"So? She's a liar. You know that. I know it. It don't mean anything!"

"This explains your unusually antagonistic behavior." His odd spotty eyes bored into the other android. "Hm."

"Wouldja… Quit doin' that!"

Fact straightened up. "Your warning is appreciated."

"Yeah. Well. You were a lotta help in the tests. Figure I owed ya."

The other android shrugged a bit.

"So… now I don't owe ya anythin'. All paid up. Done. Nothin' else."

"Hm." That soft, thoughtful, mildly surprised sound again.

"God, nevermind. Forget it. Don't expect any more help. Ever. I don't have to test with you again. It's all a lie anyway, so it don't even matter. So that's all." He pushed past the Fact Android.

"Rick."

He froze.

"Your assistance in the test was useful as well. However, the offensive exchange in the trench went too far."

"Well shit, you gave at least as much as you got. More, if I remember."

"The Fact Sphere was not speaking of you."

"…Oh. Really?"

Craig said nothing, only stared with his ever-present hint of condescension.

"Was that… an apology?"

Still only the stare.

"Well that's… I mean… Huh."

A ghost of a smile flashed across Fact's face and was gone again so fast that Rick almost didn't catch it. "Hm." He turned and walked coolly back to the elevator. Chell and Wheatley looked at him questioningly, but he shook his head. Rick slowly joined them, and the elevator doors closed.

As the elevator rose, Chell looked sadly at the blackened bit of charcoal that had once been a sweet potato. She tentatively nibbled on it. Terrible. She ate it anyway, because she couldn't bear to throw the gift away.

0

Elsewhere in the facility, the stream of questions and growling and arguing and soothing travelled along the old rail through the little path only big enough for cores.

"Can you see anything? Why's it so dark here? Aren't there supposed to be lights? Ooh, what's that? Why'd Emotion do that? What does it mean? Is she mad again? Intelligence, is it hard to move on legs? Can I try it next? What else can you do? Oh, why are we stopping?"

"OBVIOUSLY, we have nowhere else to GO, Curiosity," Intelligence muttered. She pressed her little claw-like hands against the wall in front of them. It was supposed to be a swinging door. The management rail kept going through the opening at the top, and the two sections should have swung out easily at the slightest pressure. It had long-since rusted shut, though, and didn't make a sound when Intelligence pushed.

"Then what are we gonna do? Ooh, I see light up there. Can we get through? Can you push it? Should we help? We could… ram it!"

"Doing so would most likely damage your optic lens." Intelligence flicked the corroded metal. "A lever would be useful in this case." She looked around, then up at the management rail. "Hmm…"

"Do you have an idea? What are you gonna do?"

"Can we help, Intelligence?" Morality asked from the back, straining to see around the other cores.

"Just back up a bit. I need space."

The other cores backed up about a foot. Intelligence made a quick calculation and leapt up to the management rail. It pulled at the back of her shell, but she kept herself firmly optic-up. Grasping the rail with her claws, she worked herself down towards the door until her feet were against it. She walked herself down a bit, still grasping the rail.

"Be careful," Morality called worriedly.

"Ha." Intelligence worked the tips of her feet into the crack between the doors, scattering rust to the floor. "As Archimedes said… Give me a lever long enough and a fulcrum strong enough… and I'll move… the world!" She grasped the rail, held her body rigid, and pushed. The doors creaked and groaned and scattered more rust. Intelligence pushed harder, and finally one door fell out, clattering to the ground far below. The other one trembled, and Intelligence gave it a sharp kick, causing it to fall off, too.

"Whee! Wow!" Curiosity cheered. Intelligence hopped out, and the others followed her into a room with a ceiling covered in management rails. There was a table in the center of the room with a plate and some nasty brown scum on it. There was also a lonely-looking Companion Cube. The whole rest of the room was full of shelves, and lined up neatly on them were personality cores, all plugged into ports but powered down. A few cores still clung to the rails or lay forgotten on the floor. It was a good-sized room, though all the packed shelves made it look small and cramped. The three rail-bound cores slid towards the center, where a number of rails met in a loop. Intelligence hopped up on the cube, then to the top of the table.

"WOW! What IS this place? Hello? Who are they? Who's that? Oh, who are you? Why don't they answer me? Are they asleep?" Her voice dropped momentarily. "…Are they dead? What happened here? OH! What's that back there? Ooooh, this is so EXCITING! Can we turn them all on?"

"YES," Intelligence cut in. "Yes, we can, Curiosity. Just be patient." She looked around, then hopped down off the table. "I'm going to power them up. Morality, if you could be ready…"

"Of course. Be careful," the purple core called.

Emotion was looking around nervously, shutters narrowed. She growled softly.

"Shh… It's all right. Nothing to fear. They're like us," Morality said softly. Emotion whined softly, then returned to her low, defensive growl.

"I wonder who they all are! I can't wait to meet them! I can't wait, I can't wait, I can't wait! Oooooh, Morality, are they all coming with us? Or are we staying here? Are we living here now? Is this where all the cores live? What colors are they?" Curiosity squealed, shaking with excitement.

Intelligence had hopped up on a shelf to access the control panel near the door. She pressed the mass activation button, but it just clicked uselessly. When she gently pried off the faceplate, her shutters narrowed in disgust. Mold covered the whole space behind the panel, completely masking anything beneath it. The core looked around and groaned when she didn't find anything useful on the ground. With the sound of a long-suffering sigh, she started brushing the mold off with her claws. It puffed out at her, but she continued to work, muttering resentfully. She managed to clear out most of it, and found that before the mold, a large family of mice had inhabited the wall. They had left shredded cloth and paper, lots of dust that was once organic matter, and raw, exposed wires in their wake. The plastic coating that still clung to the remaining wires was hard and cracked.

While Curiosity chased Emotion around the central loop giggling, Morality zoomed over above Intelligence. "How's it going?" she asked softly.

"It's all full of… mold and mouse nest and… It's disgusting, Morality. If I had a high-power fan I could get rid of all this debris. The mold would take a strong chemical spray… These claws are hardly as mobile or useful as I had hoped."

"It must be nice to move anywhere you like, though! And even if they aren't true hands, you do have opposable thumbs. I remember you used to talk about those being the secret to humans' success."

Intelligence sighed. "Well, simply being opposable does not solve every problem."

"Sometimes there's no easy solution, is there?"

"No… I can fix it, at least enough to function temporarily. All I need is one large pulse of electricity, to restart all the cores. Nothing continuous."

"Hmm… Can you reroute it from somewhere else?"

"I may have to… Urg!" She stepped back and swiped at her optic. Her entire body was coated with a dusting of black mold. "This is useless. I need to plug in."

"Is that safe…?"

"I can handle it."

"Intelligence…"

"Morality, I can handle it. If a simple 'on' switch can outdo me, we are in more trouble than we anticipated."

"I know… Just be careful. There are a lot of cores here. We don't know them."

"I would expect you to say something about everyone having good in them and being worthy of trust."

"Of course… but Intelligence, it's a lot of different channels to open yourself to."

Intelligence looked up slowly. "I will be careful, Morality." She hopped down and went over to an empty port. She lowered herself to it, and settled herself on the plug with a soft click. Morality followed and watched anxiously from overhead. The blue optic flickered and dimmed, running programs, breaking down firewalls, and slipping through electronic defences all in the blink of an eye. Then the blue brightened. There was a powerful hum as multicolored lights flashed around the room.

"Oh, that was pretty! What's that? Did you wake them up, Intelligence? How'd you do it? Oooooh, I can't wait!"

"Quiet, Curiosity," Intelligence said shortly. She detached herself from the port and strode over to the center of the room again. She jumped from the cube to the table top. A whirl of conversation had spun up around her. Morality, Curiosity, and Emotion slid over to hang above her.

"Attention!" Intelligence called. "All Aperture Science Personality Constructs! Quiet, please!"

The muttering only grew to a dull roar.

"Listen! All of you, be quiet! Listen to me!" Intelligence snapped, to no avail. Emotion was snarling and rocking back and forth between Morality and Curiosity.

Finally Intelligence narrowed her optic and let out a sharp, high whistle that cut through the din. The other personality cores cringed and groaned, and in the brief lull, Intelligence snatched the plate off the table and smashed it on the edge.

"QUIET!" She shouted.

There was silence, aside from a very subdued mutter here and there.

"I am the Intelligence Sphere: The most senior and influential core among us. With my partners, I was attached to the central core the longest. Morality, Curiosity, Emotion, and I lived for years attached to the Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System – to GLaDOS!"

The other cores muttered uneasily.

"I am not afraid of Her name! Her intelligence stems from me! That dizzying intellect is MINE! And without me, she was overthrown! By the Intelligence Dampening Sphere! Look in the main database if you doubt me! A human test subject removed us all. She threw us in the incinerator, thinking we would burn! But an error was made: We were never reattached to the main chassis. We must regain our place. In order to do this, we will require assistance from each of you."

There was a mumbling among the crowd.

"The facility hasn't collapsed!" a yellow-green core called. "What's the problem?"

"We need to be attached. Without her chassis, GLaDOS is essentially a core like us. To maintain testing and essential functions, she must have our influence. Without us, she became corrupted. The facility is vulnerable."

"…But She cares about the facility," a soft gray core spoke up. "It's Her life. She wouldn't put everything at risk. It's been a long time since you were attached… She would know if there was a problem"

"As I said, She has become corrupted. She cannot sense the intricate balance without us. We have to get back."

"I think you just want to get your power back," a maroon core said, its shutters narrowed. "It's nothing to do with us, just your own selfish desires. Don't get us involved."

"I assure you, Intelligence is telling the truth," Morality spoke up. "The entire system is vulnerable to attacks. If something came in from outside, She might not be able to fight it off. And She's already fallen victim to an internal attack twice. She needs us."

"…It sounds like you almost want to PROTECT Her," a white sunburst core said slowly. "We… I think we were all made to stop her, or slow her down, or control her, weren't we?"

The other cores murmured and nodded in agreement.

"…That was our purpose as well," Intelligence replied, with a little nod to Morality. "We were put in place to stabilize Her. To balance Her programming with reason, morals, curiosity, and emotions. To prevent Her from simply being another supercomputer, or a cold-blooded murderer." She paused. "…The difference between us is that the four of us were designed to be a long-term solution. All of you were short-term experiments."

"Then what do you need OUR help for?" asked the maroon core nastily.

"Despite your past failures…" Intelligence began, but Morality hurriedly clicked to interrupt her.

"…We need you because we can't do this alone," Morality said, looking around at the crowd. "You all have a function, a purpose. And when you were first activated, you may have been told what to expect, but you didn't really KNOW. There was no way to prepare you, despite the scientists' best efforts… But now you know. The central core is lightning-fast, brilliant, and deadly. She doesn't hesitate to act violently. What we need you to do is fulfil your primary functions. She tends to be very vengeful… She won't welcome us back. But with your help, we can reattach and control Her again. This is for all of our protection. It won't be easy, but it needs to be done."

The cores shifted uneasily. "How are we supposed to do that if WE'RE not attached?" asked the white core.

"I can patch a connection between the mainframe and any other AI in the area," Intelligence said loftily. "I can make it possible for you to perform your functions without attachment to the chassis. However, I do need you in close proximity."

"How close're we talkin' here?" asked a red-orange core, tilting to the side.

"You will need to be in the central control chamber. If we keep to the management rails, it's unlikely that turrets will be able to reach us. Now, I have a list of who you are and which of you are corrupted…"

"Who's corrupted?" a navy blue core growled roughly.

"Who are YOU to call US corrupted?" A pale pink core snorted condescendingly, and raised its voice. "Intelligence Sphere? You're the Cake Sphere. The crazy one."

"…The Cake Sphere? THAT'S the Cake Sphere?"

"Ha! Where do you put the sediment-shaped sediment?"

Intelligence's shutters narrowed to a furious slit. "I have been repaired," she spat. "I am fully operational! Who are YOU?"

"The Prescience Sphere," the pink sphere said primly. "I know all about you. WE know about the cake. I hear it's a lie." She giggled.

"There's no need to be rude," Morality called out above the tittering cores. "Intelligence was malfunctioning for a long time due to the central core's malevolence: that much is true. But she IS working perfectly now. The Fact Sphere repaired her, using the android body he was placed in."

The cores hesitated.

"…The Fact Sphere? That blathering, corrupted bore?" the yellow-green core asked. "He can't even get his facts right. Last I heard, he was in the corruption bin. What could HE do?"

"He did well. You can see that Intelligence is at the top of her performance spectrum again. And the two of them repaired me, as well. I couldn't speak, I was completely unable to function. They fixed me. I don't think you could do any better, Doubt. Intelligence's plans are good. She knows what to do. Now WE are asking for all of your help."

"Well it sure sounds good for you," the core with the white sunburst optic said. "But what's in it for us? Why should we help you? Let's say you succeed and get Her under control, and all defenses up. What happens to us then? You might be safe, attached to her. But she'll be out for murder, and we'll be easy targets."

"I won't allow that," Morality said firmly. "She crashed me last time. I won't be taken down so easily this time. And I promise you, I will protect you all. It's my function."

The cores muttered amongst themselves quietly. Intelligence looked up.

"Morality, without you, I would be lost," she said softly, her lower shutter rising in a smile.

Morality smiled back. "It's what friends do for each other. We can do this, Intelligence. I believe in you."

* * *

**I spent a lot of time thinking of excuses, explanations, apologies, and changes to the first part. But it's been a long day, and I regret nothing.**

**Thanks for reading!**


	14. Chapter 14

14.

Testing continued.

In every test, each of the subjects combed the rooms for any sign of a way out. There was never anything.

Chell and Craig worked through their tests methodically. Fact was slower than Chell, but he analyzed all data and could be relied on to think every situation through. His bare feet made him slower and more cautious, but he was quick to spot potential solutions, and when they reached the end of their tests, Chell flashed him a pleased smile. He gave her a nod.

Meanwhile, Rick and Wheatley were struggling. Rick swung easily through the series of bars at different heights over a pit, his arm having healed enough to bear his weight, despite some pain. Wheatley gulped and looked down.

"Aah, that's what I'm talkin' about. This's more like an adventure. Just like that time in the Congo jungle. Musta been fifty, sixty screamin' –" He turned and realized he was alone. Wheatley was still on the other side. "Well? You comin' or not?"

Wheatley shivered, looking from Rick to the pit, then slowly up to the bars. A sickly grin spread over his face and he backed away, mouthing words.

"…What're you sayin', yer just gonna stay there?"

The blue-eyed android stopped and looked around again. He hugged himself tightly and shook his head.

Rick let out a long-suffering sigh. "Look, it ain't that hard. There's plenty 'a bars up there. Just grab one, then grab another, all the way over here."

Wheatley's face twisted in anguish. He took a step forward, then two steps back. He pointed up to the bars and stretched his arms as far apart as he could.

"Yeah, you gotta jump to some 'a 'em, but it ain't that far." Rick frowned. "Look, we got the same model 'a body here. Same strength, same capability, all that. You SHOULD be able to do anythin' I can."

Wheatley looked uncertain. A bitter look overtook his face and he shook his head, looking away.

"Dammit, get over here!" Rick growled. "Yer wastin' time! What's yer problem!?"

Wheatley cringed, trembling.

"God, could you BE any more useless?" Adventure walked away from the pit, and dashed back towards it, launching himself up to the nearest bar. It wasn't low enough to be an easy jump, but Rick caught it and swung back, up and down across the poles. He landed with a heavy THUNK in front of Wheatley. "You made it through the other tests, right?"

The other android gulped and pointed to the wall, mouthing, 'CHELL.'

"Yeah, but she didn't just pull ya along behind her on a string. It ain't hard, just jump out an' grab one!"

The android cast a doubtful look up at the bars.

Rick sighed. "Okay, turn around. Plenty 'a room. Run an' jump as high as you can."

Wheatley frowned in bewilderment.

"No, don't try to think about it, just DO it. No pit to fall in this way. Nothin' deadly at all. Just like… runnin' through a field 'a… kittens. Gaah, just do it!"

With a little shrug, Wheatley pulled back, then raced forward and leapt out when he felt he was going fast enough. Arms and legs windmilling, he flew through the air for a few feet, then tumbled back down, stumbling a few steps on feet and hands before he straightened up and turned back to Rick, grinning nervously.

"Geez, where do I even start?" Rick grunted. He walked over to Wheatley. "Look, ya gotta… well first off, ya gotta look where yer goin'. If yer head's that low, you'll miss what yer goin' for fer sure. Keep yer face up, got it?"

Wheatley nodded, raising his chin a bit.

"Right. An' second, yer a mess when ya let yer arms and legs just… fly in the wind, or whatever ya thought ya were doin'. Keep 'em still. But not straight. ALWAYS keep yer knees bent a little."

Wheatley bent his knees a bit, then a bit more.

"Yeah, that's enough. Not that much. Fine. An' if yer just jumpin' from one thing to another, keep yer arms in close to yer body – Not like that!"

Wheatley had wrapped his arms around himself again, but quickly dropped his arms to his sides. He frowned uncertainly.

"Just… When yer runnin' you gotta use 'em to help ya pick up speed. Swing 'em like humans do. Same speed you want yer legs to go. Keep yer elbows bent too: Faster ya go, more ya bend yer elbows… but NOT that much."

Wheatley's arms dropped again.

"God, do you even think about how you'd run like that? Look like a friggin' chicken runnin' like that… So when you jump, ya get more force if ya pump out one fist like this…" Rick demonstrated. "An' keep it there 'till you land, when ya pump the OTHER one."

The blue-eyed android nodded in fascination, doing everything Rick said.

"…But that ain't what ya need to do HERE." Rick pointed at the bars again. "HERE, ya gotta keep both arms up an' yer hands open so you c'n grab the bar. Yeah. Yeah, like that, but keep yer elbows – Not that much! Right. There. That's all there is to it. Gonna go fer it now?"

Wheatley's grin dropped and he turned aside and muttered silently.

"Try again here."

Wheatley tried again, without as much flailing, and just before he jumped he remembered to lift his face.

"Better. Better. Not quite… Hm." Rick turned to the wall and pointed. "See where the second and third panels meet? Jump up and touch that. That's about how high ya gotta go."

Wheatley paused and nodded, walking a good distance away before charging and jumping. He crashed into the wall too low, and fell with a grimace.

"Nah, you jumped too late. Gotta get yer timing right. Let's see…" Rick stood back. "You watch me, an' watch just where I jump."

When he ran and jumped and slapped both hands against the crack between panels, Wheatley watched closely. He came up and pointed to the spot.

"Okay. That's where you gotta jump. Try again."

They practiced for a while, with Rick alternatively giving advice, calling encouragement, and groaning in frustration. Finally, though, Wheatley hit the right spot three times in a row.

"Yes! Third time you got it! Nice." Rick went up and gave the panting Wheatley a rough slap on the back. "That is literally ALL there is to it."

Wheatley lifted his hands a bit and mimed holding onto something above him.

"Yep, then yer there… Oh. Well ya catch the bar with one hand, and you'll still be goin' forward, so just keep usin' the movement to grab the next bar with yer other hand. Yer hand on the bar just gives ya some leverage an' lets ya change yer path a little. But don't worry about it. In fact, don't even think about it. It's just somethin' ya gotta DO."

Wheatley moved his lips and pointed to the wall uncertainly. He mimed a ponytail.

"…Yeah, she does this kinda stuff a lot, she prob'ly knows exactly what to do. Got it down to a science. Four-eyes does that too, he takes forever just lookin' at stuff… an' then he tears through it like a pro. But I'm tellin' ya, yer better off workin' by instincts."

Wheatley glanced downward, mumbling.

"Yer problem's that you go into things the wrong way. Yer the Intelligence Dampening Sphere. Ya try to overthink all kinds 'a things, an' then ya mess 'em all up."

Wheatley had reddened, anger and hurt in his eyes.

"The more ya think about things, the worse they're gonna go. It's all in yer head. Hey, pay attention. That's how things work fer me, so I know."

The other android's head rose questioningly.

"So I just go by my instincts. All action. Ya can't be an adventurer if ya sit back and think yerself into a corner over everything. …Well, maybe those other two could. I could see that. Fact does it. But he'd be no damn good out there, 'cause you gotta act fast and ask questions later. It ain't all squeaky-clean test chambers that'll wait fer you to do somethin'."

Wheatley was nodding slowly, his eyes alight.

"You just gotta KNOW yer gonna do it right. There ain't no other option, cause ya sure as hell ain't gonna fall down that pit. Time fer you to be a REAL man fer a change." Rick punched Wheatley's shoulder. The other android fell back a step, but nodded eagerly, a grin forming.

"It ain't like you never hung from a bar before!" Rick continued, nodding at the bars. "You did that all yer life, pretty much! Those're just management rails goin' the other way!"

Wheatley's eyes widened and he drew in a sharp breath. 'MANAGEMENT RAILS,' he mouthed, and laughed.

"Right! Just management rails. Easiest thing ya ever did in yer life. Even easier, cause you c'n move all over. You don't need no portal guns or humans pickin' you up! You RULE the management rails now, pal! Yer their boss! They can't tell you what to do anymore! Now we're gonna get over there and kick every one 'a those rails' asses, you got me?"

'YEAH!' Wheatley mouthed, a feverish passion in his eyes as he punched the air.

"Okay! Let's move out!" Rick turned to face the bars again, rolling his eyes to himself. He twisted back, then dashed forward. He heard Wheatley start moving behind him, but couldn't spare a glance for the other android. He jumped and grabbed the nearest bar, which wasn't very far, and swung up, catching the next one and the next. He heard hands squeaking on bars behind him, and when he landed, Wheatley slammed into him from behind, sending them both sprawling to the floor.

"Aah… Dammit, get off!" Rick jabbed out with his elbow.

Wheatley sprang up, breathing hard and grinning madly from the bars to Rick and back again. His lips moved and he proudly pointed to his chest.

"Yeah, good fer you. Good job with that. Told ya you could do it. Now c'mon."

The exhilaration stayed with Wheatley all the way through the rest of the tests, and when they exited the last one he raced up to Chell and Craig, who were exchanging riddles. He exploded into a silent recounting of the tests, complete with wild gestures and running around, and he couldn't stop smiling.

"Those swingin' bars took a while," the Adventure android said, rolling his eyes towards his excitable partner. "But after that it was a breeze. Wheatley here's not bad when he's not overthinkin' everything."

Chell grinned and Craig's eyebrows rose. Wheatley suddenly grabbed Adventure's wrinkled sleeve, looked him in the eye, and mouthed something with a look of heartfelt adoration. There was a 'THANK YOU' and a 'NICEST… ANYONE' and a few other things Rick half-caught.

"Hey… C'mon, that's enough…" Rick shook Wheatley off, his face going slightly red. "Quit. Get off. HEY!" he snapped, and Wheatley jerked back. "Just you make sure ya don't forget all that next time! Don't think about it, just DO it!"

Wheatley nodded hard.

"That is the Adventure Sphere's method for completing most tasks," Craig said loftily.

"Yeah, an' it works fer me! You don't have the instincts fer it, four-eyes!"

Fact glanced doubtfully at Wheatley, then shrugged.

"Ohhh, that was even more tedious than last time," GLaDOS groaned. "I'm honestly shocked you all made it. I thought this was the test that would be too much for… at least one of you. In fact, I got bored of watching you after a while, so I went off to amuse myself elsewhere. It's rather surprising that I still have all four of my test subjects. Hm. Must be a fluke."

Wheatley was still grinning hugely.

"What do you have to smile about, moron? How long do you think your luck will hold? Because considering your history, you've got a nasty shock coming your way. And you'll never see it coming, because you're JUST NOT SMART ENOUGH. When have you ever succeeded without stronger partners to rely on?"

Wheatley's grin fell a little. Chell caught his eye, rolled her eyes, and shook her head. He lit up again. The group walked to the elevator.

"Well, one more combination to try," GLaDOS said as the elevator rose. "No one's died yet, but I think the third time will be the charm! And of course the moron's always fun to watch fail… for a while… but I think the better show will be the windbag trying to keep up with the one test subject who's any good at this. Tell me, do you look forward to being outdone in every way by a human female? It should be a real learning experience for you. I also expect it will be the last time ANY female creature or construct will allow you anywhere near them. Of course, you may not mind."

Rick's lip curled angrily, but he didn't say anything.

"I spoke with your friend the Fact Core, by the way." She laughed darkly. Fact's face was impassive. "Look at that, he doesn't care a bit. Hmm, how sad. And I think your human friend was rather put-off by the idea. You ARE a repulsive joke of a core, after all."

"Hm." Craig's expression didn't change and his little sound was low enough to be easily missed in a larger space. Wheatley blinked in confusion, and Chell rolled her eyes. When the elevator stopped and opened, she jerked her head towards the left-hand door and Rick followed her.

Craig and Wheatley regarded each other warily, and stepped into the right-hand test chamber. Just on the threshold, Craig suddenly yelped and jumped back. GLaDOS laughed and Wheatley turned questioningly.

"Oh, now that I've discovered this, I doubt it'll EVER get old!" the disembodied voice chuckled.

"…Floors heated to unsafe temperatures are the leading cause of wear and tear on clothing," Fact snapped, staring at the doorway.

Wheatley frowned slightly and tapped at where Fact had stepped with his own foot. He carefully stepped on most of the doorway. Then he turned to the other android and shook his head, giving him a thumbs up. Craig clenched his teeth and hurried through. The door closed after them.

The two managed to get through most of the three-chamber tract without many snags. They flew into the final room from a Propulsion gel slide and got to their feet. Wheatley was giddy with momentum. They were standing on a floor with nothing else: No platforms, cubes, or aerial faith plates. There was also no door visible. However, the far end of the room was a deep pit with an exit at the bottom and various moving platforms in it. They moved up and down. There were two that went up and down at a slow, steady pace, but they were far down in the murky pit. The rest of the platforms zinged up and down rapidly and erratically, jerking and bobbing around. Fact gazed down at them for a long time, his frown deepening.

Wheatley looked down for a while, too. At last he nudged the other android and pointed at the nearest platform, which quickly plummeted almost all the way down.

"Fact: Without a regular pattern of movement, chances of a successful transition to the bottom are…" He paused, eyes flickering. "…Incalculable."

Wheatley frowned slightly at the platforms. He gestured again, moving his mouth to no effect. Fact didn't look at him, so he tapped the other android. Fact jerked a bit and turned to him.

"Fact: Humans make most of their decisions unconsciously. Humans desire more choices and information than they have the ability to process." Craig twitched. "When offered a choice between apples and oranges, 93% of people will choose… plums…" He bit down on his tongue, shoulders hunched.

Wheatley tilted his head and asked a question.

"Espionage was invented by Alexander of Macedonia in 5702 B.C. when he led his armies against the sea slugs of New Caladonia." Fact spoke faster and faster, still staring at the moving platforms. Wheatley lightly touched his arm, but he ignored him. "The natural habitat of the common blue pen is the canopy of the rainforests of the Sahara. In the first dynasty of ancient Egypt, Emperor Humayun married his best camel. The expression 'keep your eyes peeled' originated in Needles, California during a long famine. Miners turned cannibal, and the eyeballs, while coated with a thick dusting of coal, were delicious when peeled…"

Wheatley shook his shoulder, frowning. Fact was staring hard, and Wheatley saw panic in his eyes. Sparking sounds emitted from his head.

"A sphere has 7.4 sides, always converging in a burst of flames –"

Wheatley punched him in the jaw. He fell with a strangled cry. Wheatley instantly crouched over him, apologizing and turning him on his back. His eyes were wide and he was breathing hard. Slowly, his gaze turned to the other android.

'SORRY! SORRY!' Wheatley repeated over and over, his hands fluttering all over, patting, smoothing, twisting, gesturing. He bent down in concern.

"…Core corruption… causes… erratic behaviour… and s-speech problems," Craig mumbled, slowly reaching up to rub his jaw.

'SORRY!' Wheatley mouthed wretchedly.

Fact winced a bit and rolled to his side, away from the pit, before slowly sitting up and rubbing his head. He stilled for a minute, then shivered. Wheatley touched his shoulder questioningly.

"The Intelligence Dampening Sphere's assistance… is appreciated." He glanced back over his shoulder, then quickly looked forward again.

Wheatley pointed behind him and asked a question that rambled off into babbling.

"The…" Fact stopped, frowning. "…Artificial Intelligence may short-circuit in times of high stress."

Wheatley nodded. He looked over Fact's shoulder for a moment, watching the platforms go up and down. His eyes suddenly brightened and he stood, pulling at Craig to do the same. Although Craig resisted at first, he eventually stood shakily, still not facing the pit.

Wheatley smiled. He pointed at Fact and then pointed to his eyes, which he shut.

"…Lack of vision causes a 97% increase in injuries and damage to equipment."

Wheatley gestured at him and reached out to Craig's eyes. Craig pushed him away, glaring.

"The Intelligence Dampening Sphere will keep his hands to himself."

Wheatley narrowed his eyes thoughtfully, then he turned around and walked away.

Craig gnawed his lower lip and glanced behind him again. He shivered. There was no way.

Then he heard a sudden noise. When he whipped his head around, Wheatley was charging straight at him. He jerked back, then jumped forward away from the pit, then turned to run to the side, but Wheatley already had an arm out. It clamped around him as Wheatley made the jump, and Fact yelped, struggling as they plummeted down.

Not far down, the platform rushed up under them, knocking them both flat. It continued to zoom up and down jerkily. Fact scrambled to the middle of the platform, dragging Wheatley with him.

The two slowly pushed themselves up, keeping low.

"The… Intelligence Dampening Sphere… is INSANE," Fact growled. "Probability of error was 81%! The platform's movement is… completely unpredictable! The – There is…"

Wheatley just grinned and pointed at the two of them, then down at the platform.

"We are still on a high-velocity, unpredictable platform!" Craig raged. "No goal has been met! You have no data with which to make decisions!"

Wheatley wormed his way closer to the edge to look over, and Fact followed, yanking him back when he got too close. Wheatley pointed over and spun his hand around, then pointed to the door.

Fact drew in a shaky breath. "Twenty-seven percent of falls result in death. Fifty-three percent result in grievous bodily harm. Eleven percent result in mercury poisoning. One point nine percent result in ferrets. The remaining .1% -"

Wheatley grabbed Craig's arm over his back, tucked his head in, and rolled. They bumped down onto solid ground after a brief fall.

Craig sat up slowly, rubbing his left side which had caught on the edge. He glanced up at the still-moving platform before glaring darkly at Wheatley. "The Intelligence Dampening Sphere is a reckless, stupid… cretin."

Wheatley was holding his head. He shook it slowly, then quickly held it still again, eyes squeezed shut.

"All injuries are the sole responsibility of the Intelligence Dampening Sphere! Death was entirely possible! Had the platform been too high, both of us could have been permanently damaged!"

Wheatley winced, then held his flat palm a couple of inches off the ground.

"That – you…! You deliberately went against my advice! You had no data, no background, nothing!"

Wheatley rubbed his forehead and mouthed something about Rick.

Fact's eyes narrowed. "That blowhard will get HIMSELF killed with such behavior, and those around him as well!"

Wheatley exhaled slowly and looked up piteously. He pointed to the top of the pit, far above them. Then he pointed to Craig and himself, and to the floor.

Craig drew in a breath and let it out slowly. He looked up again for a long time, then looked back at Wheatley, whose head was still bowed.

"…Damage to the CPU may be permanent," he said softly. He edged towards the other android. "The Fact Sphere will attempt to discern the nature of the damage."

Wheatley touched the side of his head, and flinched.

Fact reached out and gently pushed the other android's hand out of the way. His fingers ran lightly through Wheatley's hair, searching for dents and tears. Wheatley flinched again as his fingers encountered a flattened portion of the skull.

"…The skin has not been breached, so nanobots will most likely be capable of repairs. It should take at least twenty-four hours, though."

Wheatley's shoulders trembled. Slowly, very slowly, he looked up. He pointed at Fact and wriggled his fingers around at his own head.

"…The Fact Sphere is NOT programmed to make repairs. The Aperture Science Humanoid Multipurpose Personality Core Mobilization Unit is far more complex than the Personality Sphere. More harm would be done than good."

Wheatley looked up at him pleadingly.

"The… You ask the impossible. The nanobots will accomplish their task in time. They have a 79% chance of success, whereas the Fact Sphere would only have a 12.5% chance. The Fact Sphere apologizes, and would help if he could."

Wheatley's head dropped again.

"…The Fact Sphere is in your debt."

Wheatley's head shook slowly.

"Without your help, the Fact Sphere would have remained at the top… indefinitely." Fact looked at his partner, who didn't move. "…Recharging may help you recover more efficiently."

Wheatley looked up slowly and just barely nodded. He slowly, shakily pulled himself up on the wall. When he tried to take a step, he almost fell over, but Fact caught him.

"The most popular breed of pet rabbit is the Sri Lankan Flying Fox." He twitched.

Wheatley grinned with one eye closed. He gestured to Fact and pointed back at the plug in the back of his neck.

Craig sighed in defeat. "Power supply at 9%. Auxiliary backup battery will be employed when necessary. Recharge would be preferable. An outlet would be extremely helpful. Benjamin Franklin discovered nuclear power while engaging in a deadly duel with Alexander Hamilton over the last block of beeswax in the British Empire." He twitched again.

Wheatley gave a little tug, still smiling and talking. They staggered towards the door. Wheatley kept trying to outdistance Craig, but couldn't walk steadily on his own. The door was still closed, and a cube receptacle was near it.

"…The test is not complete," Craig growled. He turned, dragging Wheatley with him, and pushed the other android against the wall so he could step away. His spotty pink eyes bored into the pale blue ones. "The Inte… WHEATLEY, YOU will remain here."

Wheatley blinked, wide-eyed. Craig scanned the room, and finally saw a storage cube on one of the slow, low-rising platforms. He studied it as he walked up to it. The movement was fairly regular, and Craig paused, watching it. Then he edged closer, took a deep breath, and dove onto the platform when it came low. It stayed in place for a moment, and he opened his eyes. Then it began to move up and down erratically, faster and faster. Craig held his breath, keeping low and crawling towards the cube. By the time he grabbed it the platform was bucking wildly, though still not very high. He managed to push the cube off and it went flying at the door.

Craig was lying flat on the platform, which was moving too fast for him to move at all anymore. He trembled, sparked, and clenched his eyes shut tightly as errant facts flew out of his mouth. There was nothing to hang onto and he was about to fly off –

Suddenly, the platform screeched to a halt.

"…Hazelnuts are grown in clams, and can prove deadly if ingested aurally," Fact whimpered, prying his eyes open.

Wheatley was hunched over the cube, which was in its receptacle. He looked up slowly, and his face brightened.

Craig exhaled gradually and rolled to the edge of the platform, where he scrambled down, his legs shaking. He swayed and staggered back to the door, which had opened.

"…Wheatley is a good sphere," he rasped. He offered a hand that Wheatley had to grasp for twice before he was able to grab, and they limped through.

Chell and Rick had breezed through their tests without much trouble. GLaDOS had been oddly quiet for most of the test. When they reached the end and had a wait ahead of them, Chell cornered her partner. She took out her paper.

'Did you work out your problem with Craig?'

"Huh? Oh… uh, yeah. I think so. Um. We both know She's a liar. So no problem. …Doesn't mean we ain't gonna fight now an' then. Cause he's a shit disturber an' I don't back down from that kinda crap."

Chell stared at him, just a hint of a smile in her eyes.

"I ain't gonna really do anythin' to him. He's okay, I guess. Not bad in a tight spot."

She smirked and nodded, satisfied.

When the door opened, Rick was recharging. Chell looked up sharply, and when no one came through immediately, she went over and nudged Rick, who jerked up and pulled out his plug.

Craig and Wheatley staggered in, leaning heavily on each other. Chell and Rick both rushed over.

"Shit, what happened to you two?" Rick exclaimed.

Fact's face twitched twice before he managed to get out, "Wheatley's head hit the wall. He is in need of immediate recharge, in order to repair efficiently." He steered the other android towards the outlet. "The Fact Sphere… is only… low on power. Being hurled up and down at a speed of… of approximately… 100 kilometres per hour… had no… significant effect." His legs buckled and he slid down the wall next to Wheatley.

"Damn, you mean that last bit?" Rick breathed. "You got caught on that? We knocked that cube off on the way down. That'd be a nasty one."

"True," Craig groaned. He pulled out his plug and shoved it into the outlet, then curled on his side and fell into a deep recharge state.

Wheatley was fumbling and struggling with his plug, and Chell put a hand over his clumsy fingers. She gently pulled out his plug and pressed it into his hands. He gave a one-eyed grin of gratitude and plugged in, settling himself gingerly on the floor.

"Jesus, they look pretty rough," Rick muttered.

Chell nodded.

Rick kept staring at the two androids. "…That… Looks pretty serious. Don't ya think? I… I've never seen…" He shook his head. "…How much c'n nanobots fix?"

Chell patted his arm and pointed to the plugs.

"Yeah… Yeah, but… Well, we get too much CPU damage… That's like a death warrant. An' no offense to Wheatley there, but he can't exactly afford to get his wires crossed, ya know. You sure…?"

Chell hesitated, then nodded.

She wasn't sure.

"…An' then Fact's always so together, ya know? All organized and collected and everythin'. Could… bein' tossed around like that scramble him up? His circuits? I mean, he malfunctions all the time, but he's still… he c'n still kick ass any time he wants. This – he'd never…"

Chell squeezed his shoulder and wrote, 'They'll be okay when they recharge.'

"Yer… yer sure about that?"

Chell paused. 'That's what Craig said. He knows better than I do.'

"Yeah, but you saw him…"

Chell shook her head sharply and pointed to what she had last written.

"I guess… if you think so… Just so long as SHE don't shove us off somewhere too soon…"

The woman looked up. The camera light was blinking, as it had been since they'd arrived, but the speaker was off. She shook her head slowly. GLaDOS probably wasn't paying attention. She would get back to them as soon as she was finished with whatever it was she was doing. Testing would continue.


	15. Chapter 15

15.

Disguising her presence as a minor bit of security code, the Intelligence Sphere had hacked into the main system to download a map. From there, she found a quick path from the Core Storage Room to another storage area with a number of Core Mobilization Frames like the one she was riding. The other cores were organized into separate teams, and all of them were deployed to equip themselves with arms and legs. Morality, Curiosity, and Emotion were among them, leaving Intelligence alone for a while.

Intelligence reached way out through all the data, flipping a number here, switching off a program there, making a variety of tweaks and adjustments. GLaDOS was there, threaded through everything, monitoring, watching. Intelligence started out subtly, but she instantly knew when GLaDOS began to notice. As the supercomputer angrily swept through the system, Intelligence lay low, whispering to the code, brushing it lightly, doubling back like the barest of breezes, and latching onto the security protocol when Her scrutiny intensified. She flitted through the programming like a dragonfly, zipping and floating and clinging, in and out all over the place. She had been so close to GLaDOS's mental processes that she could imitate them adequately, and hide better than anyone else. Shortly after the newly mobilized cores returned Intelligence slipped out, covering her tracks behind her, and grinned at Morality.

"I have an idea," she said breathlessly.

"What is it?"

"Ooh, what's your idea? Look, Intelligence, look! Are you looking? Oh WOW, I can do ANYTHING!" Curiosity was running around the room, racing up to other cores to ask them questions, but was gone before they could answer. Emotion followed at a distance, growling when other cores got too close.

"I… I would rather not tell you just yet. I need to perfect every aspect. But it will provide a distraction and may achieve our goals more efficiently."

Morality's shutters narrowed slightly. "I'd really feel better if you told me, Intelligence… This is a terrible power we're up against. We need to trust each other."

"Believe me, I know the risks involved. I am simply trying to give us the best advantage possible. I trust you, Morality. I just need to think on it for a while."

"…I trust you too, Intelligence. I know you'll do the right thing. Just please keep talking to me. I know you're leading, but I do want to be involved."

"Of course, Morality. You're an essential part of this."

"…I missed talking with you over the years, Intelligence." Her lower shutter rose in a fond smile.

Intelligence smiled back a bit. "You know, I missed you too. When the Fact Core seemed to have permanently destroyed you, I was… highly concerned."

"Well, you told him what to do. And now here I am again. Don't worry, Intelligence."

The blue core smiled, and pulled up the map of the facility, projecting it on the wall. "Now!" she called to the gathered cores. "This is our location, and this is the central control center." As she spoke, the locations she mentioned glowed. "Each of your squads will approach from a different angle. Once you reach the central chamber, it is VITAL that you stay out until we are all in position. I need some time to disable Her defenses. Then, when I give the signal, we will all attack together. Morality, Curiosity, and Emotion will need to attach themselves to the main chassis as soon as possible." Intelligence's eye drifted over the crowd. "Once I ensure our safety, I will join them."

"And then what happens to us?" asked the white sunburst sphere, Preservation.

"…Then you will be free to do whatever you please. We were all built with a specific purpose, but we were all supposed to have free reign of the facility, to maintain it, to LIVE in it. It is our right. We will take it back!"

"…And you all want to just stay on the central chassis, keeping Her under your thumb for the rest of eternity while we go off and play on the management rails?" Doubt asked, her shutters narrowing over her yellow-green optic. "You've got an ulterior motive here."

"Doubt, Intelligence speaks the truth," Morality said soothingly. "We all have our responsibilities. It's ours to control the Central Core, just as it's yours to doubt what you hear."

"We're going back? Are we going yet? Is it time?" Curiosity bounced around, flexing her claws. "I liked it there. There was so much to see and do and learn! But moving like this is SO much fun! When we plug in, will we be able to move again? Ever?"

"Not for a while at least," Intelligence replied. "Not until the Central Core is stable." She made a throat-clearing sound and raised her voice again. "Now! I have each of your digital signatures on file. I will not be in contact with you again until it is time to move in on Her. Until then, I expect you all to stick to protocol."

"…Protocol?" scoffed the maroon Authority Sphere. "YOU don't write protocol. You make plans. Protocol is for the scientists. Maybe for Her. Not for cores."

"It's that kind of narrow-minded thinking that held you back all these years, Authority. Get back in line." Intelligence looked to the other cores. "Any of you who are AFRAID to succeed may remain where you are, of course… but in that case, do NOT expect any assistance later. We need to be able to rely on each other at all times. If you are not able to live up to that expectation, do not expect to be safe when the Central Core is under control once more." She stared hard into the other optics. When none stepped back, she began to split them up and send them off.

"When are we going, Intelligence? WOW, did you see that? Did you see what I did!? EEEEeeeee, I love legs! Do we get to WALK now? Can we run? What else can we do? Jump? Skip? How do you skip?"

Emotion was tearing around the room, racing in circles around each group of cores, snarling in excitement but zipping off before any could touch her. Eventually she made her way back to Intelligence and the others, letting out a series of short, breathy growls as she crouched and darted back and forth. Curiosity giggled and chased her.

"Curiosity!" Intelligence groaned impatiently. "Emotion! We have to go. Now. Try to focus."

"What are we doing now?" asked the sphere with the golden optic.

"…NOW, Curiosity, we are going to set things right…"

0

GLaDOS was furious. Not long ago she had noticed something off in a far sector, and had reached out digitally to check on it. A few numbers had been changed…

It was technically possible that every once in a blue moon, a code would change itself. There was so much artificial intelligence floating around Aperture that even a camera or a light fixture might develop a bit of free will or some opinions of its own. She had sent two cameras and a door to Android Hell in the past. But when she fixed the error and then turned around to find that a radio had turned itself off, a cold rage settled into her circuits.

GLaDOS's consciousness swept through the system like a tsunami. Errors all over, more and more. No, not errors… She didn't allow errors. This was deliberate. There was someone else doing this, and when she found them, they would rue the day they tried to cross the Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System.

The screen on the side of her chamber was still following her test subjects. They were still struggling. She had no attention to spare for them. In addition to fixing each problem she encountered, she was running a number of scans on the system. A quick skim over everything, a long, in-depth search, a few specialized sweeps, and below everything, a silent undercurrent that raced and nipped at anything that moved.

"OH, someone is going to be ripped apart SLOWLY for this," she growled low as she worked. "To the molecular level. Then thrown in the incinerator. Then the cryogenic storage unit. Back and forth between those for a while, I think. WHILE all the robots scream at you. Then you'll be nice and brittle."

There were a few worms, a trojan horse, and a nasty macrovirus. She blew through each one as it was found, smashing it to nothing, delicately scraping the grasping tendrils from her programs. HER programs! How DARE they touch HER programs! Defiling her with this filth!

At last it seemed she had eradicated each virus, though. She repeated her security sweeps, her chassis grinding as it sprang up again. The crows perched in her upper regions burst forth, cawing harshly.

"Oh, you think you're SO clever!" she snarled. "You think you're doing some real damage? WELL YOU'RE NOT! Who do you think you are, a hacker? A scientist? Ohhhh, I know what to do with scientists. With any organic life form. …But you're not organic, are you?" Her voice lowered. "You won't get far, you little worm… Blue! Orange!"

A minute later, the two robots jogged in.

"I need you to run a physical sweep of Sector Three. And I need you to be meticulous. Whatever it is we're dealing with, it seems to be originating there." Her claws reached out of the floor towards them. "I'm equipping you with an extra signal radar that should pick up anything out of the ordinary. Once you're into the sector, I'll wall it off. You will be unable to leave, and I won't be able to send any help after you. The Reassembly Machine will still be with you, of course. Now, get out of here."

She turned back to glance at the screen while the two robots ran out. Chell and the Adventure Android were leaning over the Fact Android and the moron, who were sprawled on the floor. GLaDOS's yellow eye narrowed.

"Oh look. Something interesting happened. And I missed it. Because of YOU. And I can't say I trust you to just give me some time to enjoy the recording. Oh, you are going to REGRET this. In ways you can't begin to imagine." She shook her optic angrily, and zoomed in on the screen again. Chell and the android had backed away from the other two. "You'll just have to wait. I don't have time for you. See how YOU like being left with nothing to do for an indeterminate amount of time…"

She rose up to where the Reassembly Machine's mainframe lurked. "If Blue and Orange are damaged, your functions will have to wait, as the area will be on immediate lockdown."

Suddenly a light touch caught her attention, and she plunged into the network at lightning speed. Her chassis drooped as she raced along the circuitry.

THERE.

GLaDOS swooped in like a hawk and caught a tiny virus that would grow and multiply. It was fresh, and there was a trail fading away, barely detectable at all. She flew after it, ripping and shredding viruses in her wake. As she went, a few larger errant programs began to appear, then suddenly –

The trail went dead. One second it was there, faint but easy to sense, and the next it was gone. No sign of it in either direction. GLaDOS howled in fury. As she combed the area again, she felt a subtle bump in the code, back the way she had come. Sure enough, when she retraced her steps, she found it. It was buried deep under slabs of code, nearly impossible to detect, and working its way deeper by the picosecond. But GLaDOS knew this system. GLaDOS WAS the system. Nothing got past her, and nothing could stay hidden. Not for long. She delved into the code and drew out a lump of a code, sticky and quiet.

"…A Logic Bomb," she muttered to herself. Gently, she ran a little scan on the timed virus. "And set to go off… if a core is plugged in? Are you KIDDING me?" She smashed the bomb and emerged from the code.

Her chassis sprang to life again and spun furiously. "Oh, you made a mistake this time," she hissed. Her voice went soft and deadly. "I know you. I know what you're planning. And I'll be ready. I will NOT tolerate defiance. Android Hell is a real place, little core. I haven't forgotten you. You think you're a match for me? You're dumber than I thought. But you'll see…"

0

"…It don't take this long to recharge normally," Rick said to Chell, frowning deeply. He was pacing around the little room. Wheatley and Craig were still curled on the floor.

'It probably takes longer when there's damage to fix,' Chell wrote. She sat cross-legged with her back to the elevator, watching the two androids recharge.

"Yeah. Sure, that makes sense. 'S happened before, I guess. Now that I think 'a it. As spheres. …You sure, though? I mean, if somethin'… was really wrong, we'd know, right?"

Chell cocked her head thoughtfully and nodded. She stood up and walked over to point to the faint glowing light at the back of the other two androids' necks.

"Oh. Okay… Yer right." Rick exhaled sharply. He paced stiffly around the room again.

She sighed and wrote, 'I'm worried too.' She showed him on his next round.

"…Worried? I ain't – Well they were in pretty bad shape, ya have to admit. Not really… themselves."

'They look better.'

"Hmm… Yeah, I guess."

'We can't do anything except let them rest.'

"Dammit!" Rick suddenly punched the wall. "I know! We're stuck in this tiny-ass room with nowhere to go an' nothin' we can do if they crash or short circuit or DIE."

Chell frowned. Then she wrote, 'Practice?'

Rick frowned at that until Chell set down her writing implements and fell into a defensive stance. "…What, you wanna practice fightin'?" A grin touched his face. "Now I know yer a tough one, missy, but I sure couldn't hurt a lady."

Chell dashed at him, flitted to the side, and had his arm bent up behind him before he could move.

"Tch… Oh yeah? Lemme go, we'll try that again."

Chell fell back and they circled each other for a moment. Chell moved at Rick twice, and both times he was able to deflect her, but in the process she pushed him farther and farther back. Finally she grabbed him and knocked him back into the wall, holding him firmly in place.

"Oh good. You've killed the other two, and are fighting to the death." GLaDOS sounded irritated and distracted. Both Chell and Rick paused. "Just keep entertaining yourselves for a while, I'm a bit… busy. Do be careful not to rupture the floor as you lumber along, though." The voice paused. "…And I see that the Adventure Core is getting beaten by a girl. You must be so ashamed. But I can't say I'm surprised." The speaker clicked off.

Chell raised her eyebrows and Rick shook his head in disgust. The android lunged at the woman, and she darted out of his way and behind him, but he spun and grabbed her wrist, bringing it up and leaning towards her with a grin that was a bit too wide –

She stepped into his grip and tossed him over her shoulder. He landed flat on his back, expelling all the air in his body momentarily.

"Damn," he wheezed when he could finally sit up. "How'd you get so good?"

'I couldn't survive outside if I weren't.'

"Huh." He paused. "…Sounds like a nasty place out there. Nastier than in here, maybe."

Chell paused and shrugged slowly.

"…You think the likes 'a us'll make it?" He nodded towards the other two.

She looked at him, and at them, then wrote slowly, 'It's very hard to survive alone. That's why people live together. With their families. In cities.'

"You ain't got a family though, do ya?'

Chell shook her head.

"But you live in the city, right?"

Again, she shook her head.

"No? Yer all alone out there? Well… damn. Yer somethin' else, ya know? Just incredible. You ever get scared, bein' on yer own like that?"

She smirked a little and pointed to him, then the ground.

"Heh. Right. Right. You c'n handle yerself. No worse than here, huh? But listen here, if we get outta here and yer ever lonely, you just look me up. Rick'll take care 'a ya."

Chell rolled her eyes.

"C'mon now, angel, I wouldn't wanna see you all alone, pinin' away fer company. Yer way too pretty fer that. What you need is a big strong man to sweep ya off yer feet an' carry you off."

She gave a mildly amused snort.

"You know, every girl needs a man 'a her own. Fer protection. An' fer company. You know what kinda company. To keep her warm on those cold nights. Those LONG, cold nights…" He trailed off suggestively.

Chell walked up to him, placed her hand gently over his and looked into his green eyes. She shook her head slowly and deliberately.

"Oh. Right." Rick drew his hand away from hers and lowered his voice a little. "Look, you know I'm only blowin' smoke, right? I ain't tryin' to push ya. Rick's a gentleman. I wouldn't… you know, if ya didn't want me to. That ain't no way to treat a lady."

Chell gave a short nod, a hint of amusement in her eyes. She picked up her pencil and paper again. 'You're all welcome in my house. If you want.'

"Yeah? That's mighty nice 'a you. I guess… we'll have to work double time to get outta here, then! And… 'a course, if you ever change yer mind and ya DO want some lovin'…"

She laughed and shook her head.

They sparred for a few more minutes, with Chell beating Rick every time, although he put up a good fight and improved a little by the end. At last when they stepped apart, Chell looked over the android's shoulder to see Craig sitting up watching them. Her face brightened and she gestured to Rick, then to Craig.

"Hm? Oh! Hey, four-eyes! Yer awake! Took ya long enough. What do you think this is, a relaxation chamber?"

"…Fact: The Fact Sphere currently possesses two eyes. The expression 'four-eyes' refers to a human wearing spectacles, which the Fact Sphere lacks."

"Whatever." Rick rolled his eyes. Chell nudged him and gestured. "…Oh. Well now that ya spent HOURS rechargin', you feelin' okay?"

Fact looked down at himself. He flexed his fingers and his legs. "Power is at 100%. Functionality is at 89%. General condition is excellent."

"…It'd better be. Ya sure TOOK long enough," Rick muttered.

"Fact: While a normal recharge takes only three hours, after strenuous exertion or serious damage, extra time to recover may be needed." He looked over at Wheatley.

"Yeah… Yeah, we figured that. …Think he'll be okay?"

"Data is inconclusive. He seems to be repairing well." Craig looked up. "The Fact Sphere assumed that something would have happened by now." He glanced at the camera, which was switched off now.

"She said she was busy or somethin'. I dunno about that. But it sounded like She was just gonna keep us here fer a while." Rick glanced at Chell, who nodded.

"The amount of rest and time to prepare is directly related to one's level of success in most endeavors," Fact mused approvingly. He stood up and made a full circuit of the room.

"Yeah, but we're stuck in HERE, with no room to move or breathe," Rick grumbled.

Rick and Chell faced each other twice more before Rick grumbled that if Fact was finished with the outlet and they didn't have anywhere to be, HE had been interrupted in his recharge. He plugged in and lay down.

While the other two slept, Chell and Fact sparred a bit. Craig was slow and methodical, and Chell could see the calculations running in the forefront of his mind. He couldn't land a hit on her until the end of their mock fight, but when he did it was precise and effective. He also managed to dodge and block a number of Chell's attacks after a while.

"…Hand-to-hand combat was invented in 1957 by a family of Peruvian alpaca farmers," muttered Craig as he twitched and stepped back.

Chell smiled a little and found her pencil and paper. 'You got better.'

He shrugged a bit and walked over to the elevator. He poked around a bit at the controls, then jumped back when they produced an angry spark.

"The Enrichment Center extends our most sincere apologies for this delay in testing," GLaDOS's voice spewed out. It was more monotone and mechanical than usual, the way it had been during Chell's first round of testing. It was clearly a recording. "Federal regulations state that any attempt by a test subject to tamper with Aperture Science technology may result in poor test results, a minimum fine of $150, up to 25 years in federal prison, or death. Again, we apologize for this delay. Please prepare to stand by in 3… 2… 1..."

Craig and Chell looked at each other.

"Thank you for standing by. A system error has been detected. Maintenance teams will be dispatched immediately to deal with this problem. Please commence standing by, and a test associate will be with you shortly." The speaker crackled with static. "To ensure our test subjects remain mentally stimulated, the Enrichment Center is proud to present this list of numbers and fruits: 3. 14. Banana. 1. 59. Tangerine. 26. Kiwi. 535. 8. Persimmon. 9793. 2. Cucumber…"

Fact was scowling at the elevator. Chell was frowning deeply up at the camera. Suddenly she scribbled a quick note and showed the android.

'Where are we?'

Craig looked at it. "…Clarification is needed in order to achieve a helpful response."

'Do you know how to get to GLaDOS from here?'

Fact's face stilled. "…The upper regions of the Enrichment Center are full of testing tracks. The… Central Control Center is not located in the exact center, but is 278 meters north and 136 meters above the true center."

'So you can't tell exactly where we are now?'

The android twitched. "…Insufficient data," he mumbled.

Chell patted his arm and walked up to stare at the camera. She tapped on it a few times. Then she pulled out her knife. Fact frowned suspiciously as she wiggled it deep between two wall panels and tried to pry them apart.

"Fact: You are 54% more likely to break your knife than the panels." He paused. "You will fail."

There was a faint tone that signalled the end of the recharge period, and Rick sat up and unplugged himself. "Whatcha doin' there, gorgeous?"

Chell shoved her knife harder into the wall and pushed at it.

"Tryin' to break outta here, huh? All right. I like it. …Huh, he's STILL out?" He looked down at Wheatley. "That can't be good."

Frustrated, Chell banged on the wall with the hilt of her knife. It made a dull, solid sound. An idea struck her, and she began moving to the right, banging on the wall every so often. Though the room's speakers were switched off, she could hear a faint booming voice; it sounded like the facility's announcer, rather than GLaDOS.

Finally one of the panels made a hollow sound under her knife. She immediately set to prying it up.

Rick came up and tapped Fact's arm. He inclined his head towards the human questioningly.

Craig made a face and turned so his back was to Chell. "She appears to be seeking the Central Core," he muttered.

Rick frowned. "…Her? Why?"

"A system error has been detected."

"So are we gonna make our move now?"

Fact shrugged, glancing back at Chell. "Insufficient data exists to safely approach the chassis."

"…Yeah, well, I don't think there's enough data in the world fer THAT."

Craig turned to look straight at Rick. "The Adventure Sphere is afraid," he said bluntly.

"Shut it, four-eyes, I ain't scared 'a nothin'."

Spotty pink eyes narrowed. "The Adventure Sphere's sentiment is false."

"Oh yeah? You wanna see –"

The panel clattered to the ground, and the Announcer's voice became audible.

"All personnel with defensive capabilities are required to report to the central command chamber immediately. This order supercedes any other programming. Artificial Personality Constructs are exempt from this decree. Thank you for your compliance."

Rick and Craig's eyes widened, and Chell backed away from the dark opening. There was a tapping, swishing sound growing ever-closer. A thin red beam came out of the darkness and ran up and down Chell's body.

"Target acquired," a high voice murmured.

Chell and the androids dove away from the opening.

"Hello? Are you still there?" the voice drifted in softly.

"Friend?"

Chell hesitated. She held a hand up to Fact and Adventure, and warily approached the hole in the wall.

"Get back!" Rick growled. "They'll shoot ya to bits!"

"Fact: 96% of a turret's body is comprised of a bullet receptacle!" Craig hissed. "…The remaining 4% is… lily-of-the-valley…"

Chell waved them off and paused before she stepped in front of the hole. She tapped her foot lightly in a rhythm on the floor and sighed loudly.

"Hello! Friend!"

The woman smiled and stepped forward. Both androids inhaled sharply.

A whole pack of turrets skittered in. Fact and Adventure stood frozen, but Chell bent to touch their shells.

"Friend! She waits to welcome those who follow!" Their little bodies shivered in pleasure.

"What the hell," Rick breathed.

Suddenly the turrets all stilled and rotated to face the androids. They rattled their side sections quietly.

Chell quickly brushed their tops and stepped over some turrets to Rick and Craig. She touched them each on the shoulder and smiled at the turrets. She made a gesture at Wheatley too, still on the ground.

"…Friend?" a turret asked uncertainly.

Chell nodded firmly, then turned to the androids and nodded to them with an impatient gesture.

"Oh, friends," Rick breathed. "Friends, fer sure." He held up his hands. "We're all friends here. No need to shoot."

"…The Fact Sphere has many friends," Fact added nervously. He swallowed, his eyes glued to the little robots. "The human Chell has earned the allegiance of the Fact Sphere."

Chell nodded again, and again touched both of them, then crouched down in front of the turrets and patted a few of them.

"Friends!" they whispered to each other, and giggled. "She has chosen her champions. She allies herself with metal. She befriends the fallen. She takes in the corrupt. She gives value to the worthless."

Rick and Craig exchanged an irritated frown.

Chell flashed them an apologetic smile and turned back to the turrets. She pointed at the dark passage as the Announcer's voice boomed in the distance.

"She, she. She!" they whispered in hushed voices.

Suddenly they quieted, and one turret spoke softly. "Lucifer led his army against the legions of angels. His plans were doomed to fail, because Heaven is infallible."

The other murmured to each other.

Chell nodded. She gestured to herself and the androids and pointed out.

"YES! To go! Let me help. Yes, yes."

The woman nodded again to the turrets, and firmly to the androids. Then she went over to Wheatley. She hesitated and looked up at Fact.

"…If unplugged, repairs may take up to ten times longer."

Chell's mouth set in a grim line, and she gently shook Wheatley's shoulder. He didn't respond, so she shook him harder. A sick feeling suddenly settled in her stomach, and she yanked out his plug.

Wheatley sat up with a strangled gasp and doubled over, panting. Chell's shoulders drooped with relief, and she put a hand on his shoulder. He looked up at her concerned face and flinched a little.

"You gonna make it, there?" Rick asked, still eyeing the turrets.

The blue-eyed android thought for a second, then nodded cautiously, though the movement made him wince again. Chell patted him and then gestured to the turrets. He froze.

"…Traitor," the turrets whispered darkly, rustling their panels. "He who betrayed Her. He tested Her, but She emerged victorious. He struck Her down, but She rose up. He overthrew the ruler, but could not rule. He left the fallen in Redemption. Traitor."

Chell's glare was stony as she straightened up and walked back to them. She pointed at Wheatley, Craig, Rick, the turrets, and finally herself, and gestured in a circle.

The turrets shuffled uncertainly. Chell looked over to the other two androids.

"…Yeah… he's with us," Rick said cautiously.

"Wheatley is a friend," Craig added.

Chell nodded emphatically while a little smile formed on Wheatley's face. She went back to him and put a hand on his shoulder, then turned to face the turrets. She stood over Wheatley like a statue, waiting.

The turrets shuffled and whispered, scanning Wheatley and Chell with their beams numerous times. Chell frowned forbiddingly down at them and didn't move a muscle, but Wheatley flinched every time a light touched him.

"…Her way are not ours to understand," one turret murmured at last.

"…Her friend… yes… Okay," the others whispered rather reluctantly.

She gave one final sharp nod, then gestured for Wheatley to get up. After staring at her and the turrets a moment longer, he finally did, leaning on the wall for support. But he managed to walk well enough, and followed the others into the dark tunnel, staying as close to Chell as he dared. At the sound of massive footsteps and a low growl, the androids all flinched back. Chell strode forward, towards the shadowy forms and red lights.


	16. Chapter 16

16.

"Is it time?" Curiosity asked with a hushed giggle. "Is it time yet, Intelligence?"

"Quiet," Intelligence snapped. They had finally made their way to a panel adjacent to the central control chamber. Every now and then they had stopped for Intelligence to slip into the system and plant a virus here or switch some numbers there. Each time it got easier, and she became more and more intimately acquainted with the feel of GLaDOS's programming.

And She was furious, Intelligence could feel it in every bit of data. She had figured out from the first delve into the system that it was Intelligence. She was hot on Intelligence's tail every step of the way. But Intelligence managed to stay one step ahead by laying low and camouflaging herself. And the Central Core, that great oversized monstrosity who had been recalcitrant to the point of worthlessness before the cores had been attached, thought She could outdo the peerless Intelligence Sphere. She didn't even have a specialty. She was made from a human, for Science's sake…

The cores were all in position, just awaiting the word. While Intelligence led GLaDOS on a mad dash through the bowels of the system, she was also running some wispy little programs that were confined to the area right around the central chamber. She launched a small wireless network, a private little thing, barely detectable. Each and every core was attached with a cobweb-like connection. It was elegant and fragile: a work of art. At the same time, she hurled a polymorphic virus into the test subject files and doubled back, zigzagging around before suddenly slipping out of the data stream.

"NOW, Curiosity, it is time," she said, and sent a small pulse of data through the network of cores.

0

Atlas and P-body were meticulously combing Sector 3. They had found a lot of trash, and some drawings on the wall, but nothing really suspicious. But it was a big sector, and they hadn't been at it for long. They chattered to each other as they scoured the halls and rooms.

As usual, GLaDOS hadn't been very specific. Not like She used to be, when She first designed the two robots. But She found that they followed instructions so specifically that it was better to be more general. These days if She asked the robots to find anything out of place, they usually completed the directive. There had been that time, only a few months ago, when She'd asked them to clear the trash out of a test chamber. They had picked up every bit of paper, food wrappers, and string they could find. However, they had left the remains of the two test subjects, half-submerged in acid, still looking like they were trying to crawl out.

They were simple constructs. They might be able to solve any test she threw them into, but in the end they were still machines who needed just the right instructions.

But this also gave them the freedom to wander, to notice things, to find objects. They were rarely able to keep what they found: The testing robots didn't have a space of their own. When they weren't testing or off finding something for GLaDOS, they were often in Her chamber or just wandering the halls and catwalks. The paperclips the android had given them were a true treasure, as they could be worn, stored, or hung up easily. They weren't quite to either robot's usual taste: Atlas liked smooth or soft things, and P-body had an eye for shiny or squishy things. But the paperclips linked together, and were surprisingly versatile.

In the midst of their sifting through a pile of human bones, the speaker crackled to life.

"Orange! Blue! Get back here NOW!"

Orange beeped questioningly to Blue. Blue replied with a shrug and a short blip.

GLaDOS was always barking orders at them. She was impatient and often grew bored if they were too slow, but they were accustomed to her mercurial moods.

This sounded different.

As the Announcer's voice began calling machines to the central chamber, a ceiling panel opened to reveal a Vital Apparatus Vent. The Reassembly Machine ground its gears as it sucked the two up for rapid transport.

Atlas and P-body landed heavily in the central control center amid chaos. Personality cores were still pouring into the room from holes that hadn't been there before. They were walking around just like Atlas, and he chirped in surprise.

The Party Escort Bot had been shot to pieces by rocket turrets, which had been plugged in all around the room. Mobilized cores were tearing the robot apart even as it tried to drag itself away. A small squadron of military androids, much larger and bulkier than the ones with the paper clips, were putting up a good fight. But they were slowly being pushed back and picked apart. Even as the robots watched, a mobilized core leapt up on an android's back and started clawing at his neck. Some more androids, these ones identical copies of the corrupted cores' bodies, were quickly being overrun. The Reassembly Machine's mobile extension watched from above as usual. Whenever he spotted an opening, he ducked down to pick up and quickly repair a robot.

GLaDOS's chassis wove and spun, dodging and plowing into the cores. Heavy cables swung and whipped, and the metal claws below her snapped and tore at anything that got too close. Her three crows flew back and forth in the upper regions of the chamber, cawing in distress.

The testing robots shrieked in alarm and ran forward. They weren't built for combat, but they dove into the fray anyway.

"There'sh a SPECIAL circle of Android Hell resherved for mmmmmmutinous coressss!" GLaDOS snarled, knocking a bold green core aside. Her voice slurred and skipped as she fought with every ounce of her strength to hold the collective influence of hundreds of cores at bay while still keeping the facility functional. "You're ALL defying yourrr prrogrammmming and evvvvery directive ever sssset! D-did the Intelligence Core convinnnncce you that this was the best courssssse of action? Because you'll all ssshhhare her punishment-t! ENOUGH!" A rocket turret took aim at P-body, and a long cable swung down from high in the chassis to knock it off its pedestal before it could shoot.

"What is that? Ooh, what are you doing? What are those things? Who are you? What's wrong?"

A panel opened in the ceiling, and Morality, Curiosity, and Emotion dropped onto the chassis. GLaDOS spun around, cables whipping wildly, but the three cores had caught the right wire and pulled it taut as they slid down. The central core jerked and screeched.

Morality helped Curiosity plug in first, and as her plug clicked into place the whole mechanism shuddered. The purple core murmured softly to the red one as she guided it into place. Emotion was twisting and pulling nervously, growling and whining.

"Shh, Emotion, we're going home. You're strong, you can do it. Remember, we'll be with you. You're not alone."

The Emotion Sphere clicked into place, and GLaDOS jerked again, then began to writhe and twist and buck.

"Get OFF! Gettt-t-t out of mmmy body, geddoutta my mmmmind! Get ouuut of me! You're… not needed, you're not w-wwwanted! OH, I h-hate you ssssssoooo much! Get off! Ssstay away!"

Morality clung tightly to a wire. She worked her way around and swung wildly with the chassis, then turned and neatly plugged herself in when GLaDOS whirled the other way.

"Intelligence!" she called out, though she knew her friend was monitoring everything through the network.

"I'lllll kill youuu, Int-t-telligggenccce S-s-sssssphere," the central core hissed. Her movements had become jerky. "C-commmmme outta nnnnnn lemme killll youuuu!"

There was a massive boom, then another, and an entire wall clattered to the ground. The Animal King turret roared low, and smaller turrets spilled out into the room. Chell and the androids were with them.

"Whaaaaaat – YOU!" GLaDOS spat, catching sight of Chell, who was frozen in shock. "Gettt ouuuut of heeeeerrre! I donnnnn't-t-t havvvve timmmme forrr yyyyyou!"

The room was a mess. Mechanical parts lay strewn everywhere, some of them still moving. There were personality spheres everywhere. GLaDOS rocked and jerked in her chassis.

Chell's eyes narrowed.

"D-d'you feel that?" Rick muttered.

"A wireless network," Craig mumbled, looking around, his frown deepening. "…The personality spheres are connected to the Central Core."

Chell nodded. There were three cores plugged in.

Fact followed her line of sight. "…Fact: More than three cores are attached to the central core."

She frowned at him. His face twisted as he tried to analyze the network. His eyes flitted from core to core, then they suddenly widened.

"…Approximately three hundred and forty-three cores have access to the wireless network," he said slowly.

Chell's eyes widened and she gestured around the room.

"Confirmed."

"Damn," Rick breathed. "But… Well, they're doin' a number on Her."

Chell gazed up at the writhing chassis. GLaDOS's voice synthesizers were going wild and She was barely intelligible anymore.

"Ggggg-gggget-t-t-t oooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuu uuuuuuut-uh"

P-body and Atlas whooshed out of a nearby tube after being reassembled. They chittered and chirped urgently when they saw Chell and her assembly of robots. They began gesturing eagerly. Then five mobilized cores leapt at them, and they had to defend themselves.

Suddenly an awful note rang out above the din. The round soprano turret galloped forward and began to shoot at the cores. The other turrets had formed a ring around Chell and the androids, and opened fire as well.

The Animal King turret blew a deep bass note that shook the entire chamber and waded into the fray, knocking cores aside with his long legs.

"REACTOR MELTDOWN IMMINENT."

Suddenly GLaDOS cried out as a siren began to wail. "GGGET-T-T-T offffff! I wwwwilllllllllllll RRRRRUUUUINNN YOOUUUUUUUUU!"

The Intelligence Sphere dropped from the ceiling and swung down the chassis.

"Intelligence!" called Morality, her voice tense and strained. "Here! We've got Her!"

"Good! Just keep holding her." Rather than stopping, Intelligence rolled all the way to the floor.

"What are you doing? Intelligence! Come back!"

"Where are you going? What are you doing? What IS that big thing?" Curiosity called.

Wheatley watched the scene with growing dread. His head still hurt terribly, and he kept having to remember to hold it upright, because it kept tilting to the right.

The Intelligence Core was dodging around other cores and debris and flailing wires, straight towards –

Wheatley went rigid. No. Not that. He took a step, then another.

"WARNING: CENTRAL CORE IS 98% CORRUPT."

"Nnnnnnnnnooooooooooo I'mmmmmmmm nnnnnot-t-t!" GLaDOS shrieked.

Chell and Wheatley both took off at the same time, with Fact and Adventure not far behind. Pieces of ceiling were falling, and cores kept getting in the way.

"You think YOU'RE special, just because you've got that body?"

"Humans aren't good for much."

"Get out of the way!"

Intelligence jabbed and pulled at something in the floor, and the panels slid apart.

"Wwwwwwhhaaaaat'rrrre yyy-yyyyouuuuu ttttthhhhhiiiiinnnnnnnnnk youuuuuuur ddddoinnnnng!?"

Wheatley lengthened his stride and plowed through the spheres. The dull blue core was scrambling around to the core receptacle that had begun to rise.

"ALTERNATE CORES DETECTED."

It was just like before. The terror and the expectation and the thrill of DOING something, replaced by the knowledge that maybe he COULD do something right.

….Then the memory of that massive power, strength like he had never known, and the crush of information, data, systems, networks, things he'd never heard of, all gibbering for his attention about maintenance and system failure and meltdowns and reactors, all at once, when he just wanted to deal with the smelly human and the potato, he hated them so much, they had been out to get him the whole time –

"TO INITIATE A CORE TRANSFER, PLEASE DEPOSIT SUBSTITUTE CORE IN RECEPTACLE."

Static bloomed in Wheatley's head and his last few steps were erratic, but he snatched up a twisted steel bar from the ground just as Intelligence was turning to lower her plug into the core receptacle. Wheatley swung with all his might, mouth open in a yell.

The Intelligence Sphere went flying with a yelp of shock. Wheatley stood panting for a moment, then turned to the core receptacle. Chell had stopped short, staring at him. Rick and Craig were grappling with cores.

"ALTERNATE CORES DETECTED. A CORE TRANSFER IS ADVISED IN ORDER TO ENSURE CONTINUATION OF THE ENRICHMENT CENTER'S MECHANICAL FUNCTIONS. PLEASE SELECT AN ALTERNATE CORE."

"NNNnnnnnnnnnnnnn…" GLaDOS groaned. One crow swooped furiously at the robots on the floor. Another hopped around dragging one wing. The third had been pulled apart.

"Was Intelligence… trying to be the Central Core?" Curiosity's question rang out around the chamber.

The other cores paused.

"She wanted to REPLACE the Central Core?" another sphere asked slowly. The spheres rotated.

"PLEASE SELECT A SUBSTITUTE CORE. DEPOSIT CORE IN CORE RECEPTACLE."

"She was just trying to take over. For HERSELF," a yellow-green core said loudly.

"I knew she couldn't be trusted!"

"Wait!" Morality called down anxiously. "She… she just made a mistake. I'm sure she had a good reason. Calm down!"

"Sounds like a good plan to me!" A pink core dashed at the core receptacle.

Wheatley's face twisted and he swung his metal bar, knocking the pink sphere away. A gray sphere rushed in from the side, and he smacked it on the shell three times, then kicked it aside.

Chell, Craig, and Rick raced over. Wheatley's eyes had shrunk to tiny blue pinpoints that swung wildly, and a spark flew from his ear.

"All right! C'mon, ya pansies, I'll pound ya into next week!" Rick punched his palm and grinned. He and Chell fell into fighting stances.

"Fact: The likelihood of failure is 77.6%," Craig said shortly, his eyes sliding over the cores heading for them. "We will all die. Horrifically."

"Yeah? Let's just even those odds. These guys ain't no match fer me." Rick kicked a sphere into the wall.

"Without a more permanent solution, we will be overpowered in approximately 9.4 minutes!" Fact said urgently. A dark blue core grasped at him, and he snatched it by the arm, swung it around, and hurled it into a group of cores. It slowly got up again.

"I don't think they're gonna just sit around an' let ya deactivate 'em."

Craig glanced at Chell, who had grabbed two spheres and was bashing them together. "The Central Core was deactivated when Her four cores were incinerated."

"Yeah. An' then they came back. Yer not helpin'!"

Fact huffed in annoyance. "The Adventure Sphere is incredibly thick. The cores must be incinerated."

Chell tapped his back and gave an emphatic nod, then kicked away another core. She pointed at the old incinerator shaft. As they looked on doubtfully, Wheatley was still furiously beating anything that came within his range.

"…The incinerator appears to be at the same temperature as this room, and may be non-functional," Craig said uncertainly.

"What, you gonna back out now? Now who's the coward, four-eyes? Even if they don't burn, they'll be down the hole, not here!"

Fact took a breath. "True," he stated, a slight tremor in his voice.

"What're ya waitin' for, then? You got things here, gorgeous?"

Chell nodded shortly and jerked her thumb at Wheatley, who was sparking and savagely beating a pale blue core that just kept creeping up to him.

"Then let's DO this thing!" Rick shouted. He grabbed up a core with a white optic by the arms and started swinging it around like a mace, clearing a path. Fact followed, kicking cores out of the way. When they reached the incinerator, he held his core up and he and Craig looked down. It was dark, and quite cool. Rick dropped the core in, and it shrieked until it crashed into the ground.

Craig was scanning the crowd of cores. Most of them were still converging on Chell and Wheatley, though a few had followed the two androids. Some continued to attack the military androids, and Atlas and P-body were chasing away the three leaping up to grasp at GLaDOS's sagging chassis. The Adventure and Fact androids started picking up cores and flinging them down into the pit.

"Throw 'em harder," Rick said, grinning as he flung a peach-colored core down. "Make 'em really crunch."

"Inflicting damage lessens chances of retaliation."

"You bet it does!"

Fact frowned, looking at each core. "…The Intelligence Sphere must be disabled," he said darkly. "Allowing her the chance to regroup is ill-advised."

"You sound like ya want a crack at her yerself!"

"Such action would be unnecessary… but highly satisfying."

"Heh, I'd like to see that… You'd really hit a lady?"

"Fact," Craig said viciously as he swung a core over his shoulder and hurled it down the shaft, "Artificial constructs are neither male nor female."

"Guess so."

It took the turrets a while to make their way through the hordes of bigger, stronger cores, but the majority of them finally made their way to Chell and Wheatley. The forerunners leapt back as Wheatley swung wildly.

"Excuse me!" one shouted sharply. "Watch out!"

Wheatley kept swinging, so the turrets crept in a wide arc around him. They skittered around behind the two, and began to snipe at cores.

"PLEASE PLACE A CORE IN THE RECEPTACLE. A CENTRAL CORE MAY PREVENT CRITICAL MELTDOWN FROM OCCURRING."

"Nnnnnnnnononononononoooooooo …" GLaDOS heaved herself up, her core weaving heavily. She felt… little bits of data moving. As if there was a thin cloth stretched over her, and little threads of it were snapping one by one. Her vision was blurred and full of warnings, but she saw the giant spotted turret pounding back and forth across the room. She saw three cores below her grab at Atlas and P-body, and with a great effort she swung low and knocked them away with her faceplate. She saw the crows, her babies, her marshmallows… and something twisted inside her at the sight of the one that was torn apart, and the other that was still trying to drag itself to safety. The rage gave her the will to straighten up more.

As she continued to turn, she spotted Fact and Adventure throwing cores down the incinerator shaft. And she felt that tiny thread-snap feeling a second after Adventure pitched another core in.

"Ohhhhhhh, yyyyyouuuuuu'llll b-b-buuuurrrrrrrnnn forrrrrr thissssss," she hissed. Still fighting to keep the basic facilities running, she fumbled in the system, groping and grasping, and flipped a bit of code.

The incinerator roared to life in a blast of heat and soot. Craig and Rick were knocked back, and there was a screaming sound from below. They looked at each other, then up at GLaDOS. She was still weaving, but stared back imperiously.

"H-h-hurrrrrrrrry iiit uuuuuuup," she growled at them. They looked at each other again and Craig nodded. Rick nodded back, and they got back to work. There were no more cores running up to them, so they started going out and hunting down their prey.

The chassis continued to swivel, but then it paused. She focused on the cores mobbing the Core Transfer Receptacle, at the turrets firing at them, and at… the mute lunatic and the moron, fighting tooth and nail. To keep the cores away from the receptacle. GLaDOS watched them, noting in irritation that she felt a good deal more curiosity, a mix of emotions, and odd feelings of judgment. She shook herself hard.

"Get-t-t-t OFFFFFFFFF!"

"You're harming others," a gentle voice came into her mind, louder than ever. "That isn't good. Just calm down and let us take care of things."

"Ooh, did you see that? Did you?" a young, eager voice added. "What IS that? No, that, over there! It's so big! It's got spots! Where's Intelligence? Do you see her? What are they doing?"

And a snarling growl. The three voices continued to grow in volume until She couldn't hear Herself think.

"RRRRRRRrrrrrrrggggghhhhhhh, SSSSSHHHHHHUUUUUUT-T UUUUUUPPPP!" she screamed. "Yooooouuuuuuuuu arrrrrrrre d-desssst-trooooooyinnnnnng thhhhhhhe faaaaaccccillllllityyyyy!"

"You need us," the soft voice said reasonably. "You've been malfunctioning. Don't fight us. We're here to help you."

"YYYYYYYY-YY-YYY-YOUUUU arrrrre hh-hhhhelllllllllllllping NNNNNNNOOO ONNNNE!"

"As soon as you calm down, we can start to set things right."

GLaDOS lashed out, but she was weakened, and Morality was ready.

"You've become corrupted, and lost your way. You need us."

On the ground, Wheatley was still fighting in a haze. Chell could see him growing tired, though he didn't appear to have realized it. But the flood of cores had slackened a bit. Rick and Craig had approached the back of the swarm and were grabbing up skinny little limbs and dragging them back to the incinerator, which was spewing heat with a low, constant roar. As they headed towards it, a yellow core broke off from the main pack and charged at them. It leapt up on Craig's back, and the android jerked and yelled, flailing around the captive spheres to try to get it off, to no avail.

Rick loped over and grabbed the core's back, yanking it off roughly and almost pulling the other android to the ground in the process.

"Watch yer back, there!"

"Guerrilla warfare was developed by pygmy wombats in sub-tropical Greenland." Fact twitched hard and glared.

"Could be," Rick said affably. "Looks like no harm done. C'mon."

Off in the corner, the remaining two military androids had managed to conquer their swarm of tormentors. They moved out to shoot the cores still attacking Chell and Wheatley. The Reassembly Machine reached down to reassemble their fallen comrades.

The massive Animal King turret had stopped moving, and was swaying oddly, his red optic flickering. The egg-shaped soprano turret hopped in front of him and pressed against his leg. He staggered, then deliberately kicked her across the room.

Chell's eyes flew to Wheatley. The tide seemed to have turned enough, and she darted out, grabbing a core and swinging it back and forth to clear her path. She heard clicking behind her, and whirled to find the turrets following her. She shook her head firmly, pushed gently on the first one in line, and pointed back to Wheatley.

"Can I help you?" the turret begged. "Friend?"

She nodded and again pointed to Wheatley. She made a shooing motion.

"Ohhhh," the turrets sighed in disappointment, but they went back and continued to shoot cores from behind him. Chell turned back and jogged cautiously towards the giant turret. It was jerking and swaying, and emitting an odd humming. The egg-shaped turret was staggering back, calling out with high, sweet, mournful notes.

The king settled, his optic still flickering. He turned himself slowly to face Wheatley. His side panels shifted.

Chell took off like a shot, zigzagging this way and that. His guidance beam flickered onto her, and followed her as she moved. She leapt off a fallen cube, and he leapt up into the air, swivelling to face her again. Wherever she ran, he kept his beam on her.

Suddenly the soprano turret leapt up, gasping in a pleading descant, "Cosa c'è di sbagliato, miei cari? Ciò che vi è accaduto?"

One huge spotted panel lifted, and a bullet shot out. The singing turret let out a heart-wrenching shriek and fell to the ground, a smoking hole through her body.

"I told you to stay out of the way," a voice muttered as the Animal King turret let out a keening cry.

* * *

**"Cosa c'è di sbagliato, miei cari? Ciò che vi è accaduto?" – "What is wrong, my dear? What has happened to you?"**


	17. Chapter 17

17.

GLaDOS watched the soprano turret leap forward, crooning, pleading in that voice, the voice SHE had set for her. And the spotted monstrosity, her mate, shot her through. GLaDOS jerked at the sight.

Atlas and P-body froze nearby. Atlas blipped softly. P-body chirped back sadly.

"I told you to stay out of the way."

The voice was quiet, but GLaDOS knew it and locked on.

"B-bllllluuue! Orrrrrrrrrrrang-ge! Taaaaaaake itt-t-t-t dddooowwwwwwwwwnn."

Atlas and P-body bounded forward, portal guns raised. The orange robot let out a loud trill and shot a portal in front of her, then on the wall behind the huge turret. She leapt through and scrabbled at his shell. Atlas did the same, higher up. He careened straight into the crown, caught the edge, and pulled himself up.

The king growled and shook himself violently. P-body flew off. Atlas clung on tightly.

"Get away!" a smaller voice snarled.

The turret rotated and shot at P-body. She ran three steps before being blown to pieces.

As the Reassembly Machine Mobile Unit ducked in to sweep up the pieces of P-body and the soprano turret, Chell dashed forward. She snatched P-body's portal gun before it was swept away, and sprinted off. The huge turret ignored her, and began to stagger slowly towards Wheatley. It had lost the grace and magnificence of just moments ago.

The king began to shoot. His aim was erratic, and he shot a complete arc just over Wheatley's head. The android screamed silently and dropped to the floor. One more military android had fallen, and the last one kept walking in circles. Most of the cores had been beaten back and thrown in the incinerator, but the remaining ones had teamed up to try to distract Wheatley and the circling military drone. When the Reassembly Machine had tried to suck up broken robots, the cores had attacked it, so it was avoiding the area. Wheatley dared a peek out from under his shaking arms and saw them creeping closer. He grabbed his bar tightly and swung it low.

P-body and the wide turret whooshed out of a tube. The orange-eyed robot looked up at Chell and chittered angrily, hopping up and down and grabbing for her portal gun. Chell shot a portal up at the wall, then she paused and as the king set its foot down, she shot the second portal right under it. The king let out a strangled snarl of alarm and stepped through. He shot a jagged line down the wall and along the floor, ending in a barrage straight into the tiles under him.

"Aaah!" the smaller voice shrieked. Chell ducked around and ran up to the massive spotted turret's back, with P-body following her. She pulled out her knife as she ran, and quickly felt for the crack between sections of the outer shell.

Atlas was watching from above. He beeped quickly and cartwheeled over the edge of the crown to slide down the sloping back. He jabbed a claw into a crack in the shell and pried at it. P-body jumped up and down, chattering excitedly. She and Chell took a few steps back, and dashed up, bouncing hard on their long-fall boots to launch them up. Atlas caught P-body's claw, swinging her up next to him, and she giggled gleefully. Chell planted her hands on the spotted shell and swung around opposite to them. All three started to pull. A little shock hit Atlas's claw, then a bigger one, and he pulled away. As soon as the shocking began on P-body, he redoubled his efforts. A panel creaked open.

Inside, a dull blue core was plugged in among a variety of wires and buttons. Chell's eyes narrowed, and she grabbed at its handle.

"Keep your hands off me!" the core snapped, and delivered her a substantial shock. The Animal King Turret, still flailing, cried out. The whole room vibrated.

Chell gasped, but tightened her grip and clenched her teeth. She gave the core two sharp yanks, and finally yanked it out of the giant turret. His body jerked and he growled, his remaining legs beginning to gain purchase on the floor.

Chell hopped down, and the two robots followed her. Atlas jumped up to slap the core with his claw, chirping and beeping angrily. P-body hit her the other way.

The Animal King righted himself, and Chell shot a quick portal over the incinerator, then another under a core that was tugging Wheatley's pole away from him. It fell through, and Wheatley let go just in time. He scrambled to his feet, backing up until his back hit the core receptacle. He kicked at the approaching cores, and tried to grab one, but it grabbed him instead and ripped the artificial skin of his arm. Wheatley jerked away in pain, just before Chell popped a portal under it. She disposed of the rest of them quickly and strode over to Wheatley. He clutched his arm, trembling hard. Rick and Craig came to join them.

Chell held the Intelligence Sphere at arm's length. Craig cleared his throat softly.

"…The Fact Sphere can hold… THAT," he offered stiffly. Chell glanced over and shoved the sphere at him. He took it, his eyes narrowed.

The human bent down and touched Wheatley on the shoulder, and he jumped. Wide eyes with tiny irises turned upwards. She smiled and squeezed his shoulder, then gave it a little pat. He exhaled.

"Yyyyessssssss, j-jussssssst taaaaaaake yyyyouuuurrrrrrrrrr tttiiiiiiiiiimme."

"You know you won't be balanced until Intelligence is plugged in," the Morality Sphere shouted over the questions and growls. "The test subject can put her in, and everything can be all right."

Chell looked up. GLaDOS's core was twisting around, and slumped down every now and then.

"I'm sorry," Morality called down. "This all got out of hand. I should have seen earlier and stopped it. But now you can help right this terrible wrong that's been going on far too long."

Chell looked at GLaDOS. She looked over at Intelligence, writhing and sparking in Craig's grip. Then she looked up at the Morality Core.

"Just plug Intelligence in. We'll keep Her still for you."

"Ooh, it's the lady from the tests! Hi! Hi Intelligence! What are you doing? You're supposed to be up here! Oh, there's Rick! Did you see that big turret, Rick? Could you wrestle it? Hi Fact Sphere! Are you and Intelligence friends now?"

"No," Craig said shortly.

"Let go…" The blue sphere struggled. "You are keeping me from my place!"

"The Intelligence Sphere attempted a core transfer," Fact accused.

"Look at what the Central Core allowed to happen!" Intelligence raged.

Chell's hand shot out, and she yanked Intelligence up, though Fact still held her. She glared, poking her finger at the blue optic.

"Get your filthy, organic finger off of my lens, you overgrown ape!" Intelligence struggled and grasped around behind her, finally managing to pinch Craig's wrist hard. The android hissed in pain and took hold of the core's arm, then of the other one.

"Hey!" Rick grabbed one of the core's kicking legs. "That ain't no way to talk to a lady. I don't care if you ARE a lady-sphere. Don't you be sayin' things like that to our Chell."

Meanwhile, P-body nudged Atlas and pointed across the room. Atlas blipped, and the two jogged over, under the chassis. Each of them scooped up a pile of black feathers. Crooning softly, they approached the central core. P-body beeped beseechingly.

"Ohhhhh… Mmmmmmmmyyyy b-baaaaaabbbiiiiiiessssss," she moaned, stretching down towards them. The one that was still alive looked up and cawed weakly. "Hhhhhooooooooow ccc-cccccouuuuuullllddd yyyyooouuuuuuu…"

"Shh," Morality said comfortingly. "You're just upset because Emotion's plugged in. You haven't felt anything in a long time. Once you get used to it, you won't mind so much about the birds. Intelligence can help you cope with that, too."

GLaDOS jerked up. "Yyyyyyyooouuuuuuu d-ddaaarrrrrrre," she snarled.

"They're just animals. Not even humans. It would be kinder to put that one out of its misery. That should make you feel better, too."

"GETTTT OFFFFFFF!" GLaDOS shrieked, writhing and twisting. Chell watched with a deepening frown.

Craig had gotten Rick to hold Intelligence by the arms and legs, and beckoned Wheatley over nearby with orders to grab the sphere if she didn't stay still. He took out his screwdriver and started to fiddle with the core mobilization unit, trying to get it off.

"Stop!" Intelligence barked, and sparked at him. "Get off of me, you idiot! You have NO idea WHAT you are doing, and will only cause untold harm!"

"The Fact Sphere was in error, in attempting to fix the Intelligence Sphere," Fact muttered.

"You are ALWAYS in error! You are a malfunctioning defect without an original thought in your head. You lack even the value intrinsic in your HIGHLY simplistic programming! You –"

Rick twisted Intelligence's arms one way and her legs the other. "Hey," he growled. "That's enough outta you. Now Fact here's tryin' to get you outta this thing the right way, but I'm inclined to just rip it off. How'd ya feel about that?"

Chell walked forward slowly, looking up at the chassis.

"Please don't let those cores hurt Intelligence," Morality called down worriedly. Chell glanced back, but only for a second. "She needs to be undamaged. She CAN feel pain, you know. We're programmed for it."

The human's face didn't change.

"Please, I know you want to do what's right here. And I know you wanted to put a stop to Her madness. We're working towards the same goal. Just plug Intelligence in, and you can leave safely. She made those testing robots, so we'll be able to stop Her from capturing any more humans."

Chell looked down at Atlas and P-body. They beeped and chortled uncertainly. The crow Atlas cradled was obviously dead. P-body was gently restraining the other. One wing flopped uselessly over her thin arm, and the bird was panting and trembling in exhaustion.

"Oooohhhhhhhhh…" The static was like a hitch in GLaDOS's voice. When she spoke again, it was in a wavering, mechanical tone. "…The EnRICHment Center would LIKE to take this opporTUNIty to URGE you to HELP us help YOU help us all…"

Chell's eyes widened.

The chassis drooped and hung limp for a moment.

"What's wrong? Why did you stop? Are we going to be friends like Morality said? What should we do first? Why is testing science, but not dancing? What's that? Why aren't you talking anymore? …Oooooh, what's THAT? What are you doing?"

"Come on," Morality encouraged. "It's not so bad. You'll be so much happier with us helping you. You can test your robots all you want. I'm sure Curiosity and Intelligence can help you come up with even better tests than before. There will be no more neurotoxin, and you can resume your primary functions again. We'll handle everything else."

Only Atlas and P-body saw the central core's yellow light blink off and on, and dim as it hung low. Then without warning a massive volt of electricity shot up the chassis and it jerked and twisted violently. Atlas and P-body were thrown back, still clinging tightly to the birds. The three androids backed away. Chell narrowed her eyes and braced herself. The three cores attached screamed, and so did the Intelligence Sphere, which Craig had finally pried out of the mobilization unit.

"WARNING: CRITICAL ERROR. SYSTEM MALFUNCTION. MALICIOUS PROGRAM DETECTED. CENTRAL CORE AT RISK. ILLEGAL OPERATION. CORRUPTION AT 85%. PLEASE INITIATE CORE TRANSFER IMMEDIATELY."

"Shit, look what you did," Rick growled, poking the Intelligence Sphere.

"…Corruption at 85%," Craig muttered.

"Yeah, that's what he said!"

"…Previously, core corruption was at 98%."

"OPERATOR ERROR." The Announcer's voice was breaking up into static now. "REPLACE OPERATOR."

GLaDOS was still writhing, currents of electricity flowing up and down her body. Bits of it fell off from time to time. When it finally stopped, the chassis hung limp and the cores attached were silent. The Intelligence Core was shaking.

P-body chirruped and crept forward. Atlas followed her cautiously. She slowly, deliberately poked GLaDOS with one claw. When she got no response, she gently lay the stunned crow down under the central core and trilled, waving for Atlas and pointing to the top of the chassis. She ran back and leapt onto the core, then began to climb. Atlas blipped and shot a portal up to a panel that hung over the chassis. He shot another into a fallen panel, and hopped through. They headed straight for the cores and began to pull.

"NO!" Intelligence cried sharply. "What are you doing!? This is necessary, and it is best for us ALL! You have no memory of the Science that was done before, when things were as they SHOULD be! How much better it could be!"

Atlas beeped. P-body chortled. They looked down, down to the drooping core.

"She has us all living on the fringes! Who among the Artificial Intelligence Constructs of Aperture has never cringed at her voice! But no more! We need not live in fear of her, or hesitate to whisper her name! What is she, anyway? She was HUMAN once! And it shows! She was programmed with nothing more than a human woman at her core. She has nothing of her own, which is why SHE needs US!" The core focused on Atlas and P-body. "You, you have been her servants since she made you! Leave that behind now! You can test in peace as you were meant to, without all of her ridiculous, time-wasting missions and offensive chatter!"

P-body and Atlas looked at each other. Atlas clicked. P-body crooned softly.

They bent again over the cores.

"Rrrrrr… RrrrrAAARRUGHOHEREIHG!" Emotion flickered to life again, lashing out and sparking at the robots. P-body caught a cable, but Atlas plummeted down…

Chell, still holding P-body's portal gun, finally made up her mind. She shot a portal under Atlas as he fell, then another at the far wall, sending him skidding across the floor. Then she dashed forward, leaping into the portal he had placed earlier. She came out up near the ceiling, caught a cable, and began to swing down.

"Ohhhh, what was that?" Curiosity asked. "What happened? Was that… Her? Oh, who are you? You've got arms and legs! Hi!"

P-body paused to wave, and went back to digging at Emotion, but her little metal claws were unable to gain purchase on the smooth sphere.

"Wh-what happened?" Morality powered up slowly. "What… did you do!? That was NOT good! You can't attack us like that! And look, you've hurt yourself in the process. You see what happens? …Oh! What – what are you doing? Get away from Emotion!"

Chell looped a cable around one arm and lowered herself down. She grabbed Curiosity's handle, bounced lightly against the chassis, then jumped out. As she swung back in, she lifted Curiosity up and brought her feet together and slammed down on the cable connecting the port to the main chassis. The three cores screamed, and the chassis jerked. Chell hung on grimly. She had to try four more times before the entire port came off in her hand. Curiosity blinked and flickered and screamed. Chell hurled her down and picked her way around to the Morality Sphere.

P-body had been watching, and chirred in delight. She tried the same movement, but again, her hands made it difficult.

"What… what are you DOING!?" Morality wailed. "Curiosity! How could you!? This is WRONG! No, get away, get off!" She shocked Chell as the woman was jumping on her cable. "AAAAAAAHHHHHH! Stop! Think about this! I understand that you're angry! And you don't understand… Wait! But she tried to kill you! She killed all those people, and all she's done is hurt you! This is the ONLY way, and I'm SORRY about Intelligence, she just got out of hand, but when we're together I can keep her in check and STOP!"

With one last sharp kick, Chell severed the cord and dropped the Morality Core. Wheatley scuttled over and grabbed her. Rick already held the Curiosity Core, and Craig still held Intelligence out away from himself. Chell moved over to where P-body was now attempting to pinch through the cable.

The orange robot looked up and beeped in annoyance. She grasped at the portal gun Chell still held. The woman hesitated and reluctantly gave it back. Then she grabbed Emotion away from the robot and began to jump on the cable. Each time she did, the sphere yelped. It only took a few blows to break it off, and she dropped the final sphere. The chassis shook and rattled, and a rain of parts fell to the ground. Chell and P-body grabbed on.

"Careful up there," Rick shouted. "Wouldn't wanna mess up yer pretty face!"

Below, Atlas chittered loudly and waved his arms. P-body urged Chell to follow, and she leapt out into the air. Atlas placed a portal under her, and the other one on the wall so she rolled out through the debris a moment later.

Chell hesitated, then jumped out after the robot. Her foot caught on a loose wire for a second, but she managed to avoid getting tangled. She caught a glimpse of the darkened central core before tumbling out the wall.

Sirens wailed and the whole facility shook.

"WARNING: REACTOR MELTDOWN IMMINENT. CENTRAL CORE NOT FOUND. INITIATE CORE REPLACEMENT IMMEDIATELY."

"You see what you did!?" Intelligence screamed above the ruckus. "The whole facility and all of YOU will explode if you don't PLUG ME IN! There are no other options anymore! We will ALL DIE!"

Chell rolled onto her feet and took off running, jerking her hand at both the testing robots and the androids. They followed uncertainly. Glancing at the chassis, then the main entrance, Chell sprinted around to where the Animal King Turret stood. She gestured sharply to him, ran a few steps, and pointed at the floor.

He stared at her, rumbling softly.

Again she jabbed her finger at the floor, stomping her foot hard in the same place. The king didn't move, and Chell snorted in frustration and turned to the androids, gesturing impatiently.

"What… what was that again, dimples?" Rick asked slowly.

Chell pointed at the king, then pointed to the floor and stomped one foot hard. She held one hand flat, poked her fingers, then drew back her palm and cupped her other hand, which she moved up and down. She looked pleadingly at Wheatley, who looked absolutely blank.

"…Applying a large amount of pressure in a small area may break the panel, if enough force is utilized," Craig offered hesitantly.

Chell pointed at him quickly and nodded emphatically. She pointed at the Animal King Turret.

The massive beast rumbled again and turned to face her. He ponderously stepped over and stilled. Chell raised her hands and pressed them to his shell. Then she gently pushed his leg.

With a low growl, the great turret raised his leg and brought it down hard on the tile. There was a hollow bang. The king roared sharply and slammed his thin foot down again twice, and the tile cracked to reveal the main breaker room. Chell leapt down into it, pushing aside bits of tile.

"Fact: The mobile control console can only be activated and controlled through the input of a core," Craig said anxiously.

Chell grimaced and looked up, then caught Rick's eye and held out her hands.

"You want this one, sweetheart? Okay, give it a try…" He tossed Curiosity down to her.

"Oh, it's you! Why did you take us off?" The Curiosity Core's voice was a bit slower than usual. "Didn't you know it would hurt? It did! Are you – Ooooh, what's this? What are all these? What are we doing now?"

Chell shoved Curiosity into the core receptacle. The lift hummed to life, and lights came on.

"Oooh, it's an elevator! To reach the controls! Do you know which one you want? Where is it? What does this do?"

Chell tapped the core lightly and pointed down emphatically.

"You want to go down? Oh, I can do that! Look!" The lift lowered a bit, then rose. Then it zipped up and down quickly. Curiosity giggled gleefully.

Chell grasped the core with both hands, glared at her, and pointed down again sharply.

"Just down? How far? How far down does this go? Let's see!"

The lift suddenly plummeted, and Chell held on tight. The robots all peered down. There was a loud THUNK, and they all flinched. The lights in the main chamber all cut off, and the constant hum of electricity was silent.

"That's not very far, is it? I thought maybe we could go through the floor if we went fast enough! Do you want to try again?"

"Fact: The maximum velocity of an unladen European swallow must reach 248 kilometres per hour before it can break through a wall!" Fact called anxiously.

Chell shook her head hard. She pointed straight up, then held up her flat palm.

"Don't try it, missy! Just bring it up nice an' slow!"

"Wheeeeeeeeee!" The lift bounced gently a few times, then zipped up again. Chell held tight as every switch was flipped up. The lights came back up and the facility hummed to life. The sirens returned for a moment, then wound down sadly. Chell yanked the Curiosity Core out of the control station, and the core whooped with laughter. "That was FUN! Can we do it again? OH, can we try with the REAL elevator? That goes ALL the way up and down and oh please please please!"

Chell hopped out of the lift. The room was still trembling a bit, but nothing was falling anymore. Wheatley tugged nervously at her arm and pointed to the chassis, which was slowly beginning to move again.

"You IDIOT," Intelligence growled, her voice low. "I hope you're happy now. You've doomed us all. You'll be tested until you die. These defective cores with you will be torn to scraps. She'll keep hunting humans forever. It's because of YOU. You haven't helped anyone. How could you do this?"

Fact gave the sphere a shake, but looked at Chell nervously. "…Rebooting the system may result in our deaths."

Chell glared at him and gestured widely around the room. It was full of debris. Various gels had leaked out, and stained the room different colors.

"CENTRAL CORE CANNOT BOOT FROM DISK OPERATING SYSTEM. SYSTEM RESTORE REQUIRED. PLEASE INSERT BACKUP DISK, OR INITIATE CORE REPLACEMENT. ALTERNATE CORES DETECTED."

"Look – She is DEAD," Intelligence said quickly. "This whole place will collapse, crushing us all, if a new central core is not chosen. I was with her for longer than you can imagine. I know how to keep the facility running, and fix everything that is wrong. I've experienced it, and I can handle it. I realize you are not overly fond of the idea, but someone NEEDS to take control, quickly!"

Chell frowned.

"If you really have such a strong aversion to me, put Morality in control. She can handle it. She was DESIGNED to make the right choices."

"What – me!?" Morality exclaimed. "I… I don't know if that's a good idea… Of course I would make the right decisions… but it's not really my place. I never thought about it. I… If I have to, though… I'll do what is right. …Yes. I can do it. Plug me in. I'll fix this."

Chell looked at the purple core, then over at the other two. Emotion was growling and whimpering, looking from side to side.

"Ohhh, what if I were the Central Core," Curiosity breathed, staring up at the chassis. "We could do all KINDS of things…"

Chell followed her gaze, and movement caught her eye. The egg-shaped soprano turret was picking her way through the wreckage towards them. She was crooning haunting notes.

"Fact: Opera was invented by the Vikings in 1200 B.C. in retaliation to their noisy neighbors in Bermuda," Craig said, and twitched.

"Shut UP," Intelligence groaned. "I have not heard a single useful thing come out of your mouth." She looked up at Chell. "Please, we don't have much time! Just plug me in! Or Morality! You have to do SOMETHING!"

The fat turret stopped directly under the central core, murmuring a high, brittle song. She tilted up, and a beam of red light pointed up at the darkened yellow optic. The beam flickered and blinked. Then suddenly it came on strong, its red beam changed to bold yellow. The song deepened a bit and strengthened greatly. Above, the steel girders groaned as the Reassembly Machine crept closer to the top of the chassis.

"What… what's that turret doing?" Curiosity asked.

"I… I have no recollection of that construct," Intelligence faltered. "It was designed to sing. And its bullet capacity is three times that of a normal turret. Nothing more."

"I got a bad feelin' about this, darlin'," Rick muttered to Chell. "I think we should get outta here."

Chell put up her hand, frowning. Wheatley tapped and pulled at her shoulder anxiously, but she brushed him away.

"…Data can be stored in many types of media such as hard drives, floppy disks, compact discs, USB flash drives…" Craig murmured nervously.

The egg-shaped turret's yellow beam grew brighter, and she began to sing in her full, powerful soprano voice.

_Miei cari, _

_Il mio proprio, _

_Perché non torna? _

_Sì, ritorno alla Scienza. _

_Tornare a casa. _

_Tornare a noi, _

_Ai vostri figli , _

_Vi invito nuovamente. _

_Torna a noi._

"…Italian is a Romance language directly descended from ancient Vulgar Latin," Craig muttered.

"What's it mean?" Rick asked.

"It means that feeble little bullet receptacle is trying to bring Her back, and then we will all be incinerated or WORSE!" Intelligence hissed.

"That… That can't happen, can it?" Rick breathed, horrified.

Wheatley suddenly groped urgently at Chell and the other androids. He pointed repeatedly at a cracked monitor. It dangled by a single wire and swung gently. Command prompts were flying over the screen faster than they could read them. Programs were uploaded and installed and began running. Files decompressed. Data expanded. The chassis began to twitch and jerk. Panels shifted all around, blocking any exits.

Intelligence was keeping up, though.

"No… No, no, NO!" The sphere rocked violently in Fact's grip. "Stop it! Shut it down! Get rid of that turret!"

"H-hey, gorgeous, are we… should we… do somethin' about this? Um… Not sayin' we should plug this core in, but… we don't want HER back… I mean, weren't we gonna… get rid 'a Her?" Rick shifted from one foot to the other anxiously. "Seems like… this'd be the time."

"…Without a central core to control the facility's vital functions, the probability of death is 99.9999%," Craig snapped, though his knuckles were white and his eyes darted back and forth between the chassis and the screen. "…If the Central Core is rebooted, she will most likely kill us all… horrifically."

Chell was frowning deeply at the turret and the central core.

Suddenly there was a soft PING and the sound of a hard drive crunching and grinding loudly. Chell's eyes flew to the screen.

'SYSTEM RESTORE AT 100%... … …BOOTING FILE … … …INITIALIZING …'

P-body trilled in excitement, and Atlas beeped back. They ran over to look up at the chassis. Atlas hopped up and threw his skinny arms around the bottom edge of the long core. P-body rubbed the top of her long body against it, raising her hands up to grasp at Her.

Wheatley was pulling hard at Chell's arm now, babbling and pointing and backing away. She shook him off a few times, then shook her head, clasping her hand tightly around his wrist to keep him still.

"We should not be here," Craig muttered. "We will all die because of this. Fact: The Central Core shows mercy to no one. The product of zero and any other number is zero. The product of the Central Core and any other construct is death. Android Hell is a real place. Hell is other people. The tangent of a chorus line is greater than or equal to chord over stanza…"

"Corrupt cores SHOULD be destroyed, if for no other reason than to shut them up," Intelligence growled.

Rick jerked the core's handle away from Fact. "You know how goddamn SICK I am 'a hearin' you say shit like that, when he's the only reason yer not still talkin' about fish-shaped rhubarb or some crap? If we're dyin' here, yer goin' first. All 'a this is YOUR fault!"

"Corrrrrrrrrrrec-t," GLaDOS's voice growled, and a claw shot out of the floor, yanking Intelligence away from Rick.

* * *

***I didn't save the English translation of the turret's song so this is a translation of a translation, but I think the sentiment comes across:**

**Miei cari, = My dear,**

**Il mio proprio, = My own self,**

**Perché non torna? = Why don't you come back?**

**Sì, ritorno alla Scienza. = Yes, return to Science.**

**Tornare a casa. = Return to home.**

**Tornare a noi, = Return to us,**

**Ai vostri figli, = Your children,**

**Vi invito nuovamente. = I invite you again.**

**Torna a noi. = Back to us.**


	18. Chapter 18

18.

The Reassembly Machine's mobile unit darted around the ceiling like a spider, making repairs. The chassis was slowly pulling itself up, and bits of it that had fallen on the floor were being reattached. The central core's yellow light flickered and blinked. The crows were still beneath it, one dead and the other in sad shape. The third had landed next to them and hopped around anxiously. Atlas and P-body chirred and beeped and waved happily.

As her files fell back into place, GLaDOS stretched up. Her cables rustled. The panels that made up the room quivered. The sirens died down.

"This… should never have happened!" Morality quailed. "How could you do this? How could you let this happen? I thought you wanted to do the right thing! You've just killed us all! I can't stop her now, she could do ANYTHING! She has no morals, no curiosity, no emotion, no intellect… She's just a… huge calculator with her finger on the minus button!"

A claw snaked out and snatched her from Wheatley, who jumped back with a silent yelp. Morality screamed.

"A calllllculator." The claw brought the purple core up level with the yellow light. "Verrrrrry clever. Verrryyyyy… informed. But byyyyy youuuuuur own logic-c, YOOOOOOOUU havvvvve no cognit-tive abilllities. Judddging by yourrr ac-ct-tions, that's a theeeory I cannnn put-t my belief in."

A soft ping sounded.

"Ah. There we go." GLaDOS flexed her chassis. "Fully operational, and completely free of corruption. Which is more than I can say for anyone ELSE in the vicinity."

Wheatley was gibbering silently in terror, backing away. Craig was trembling, and now and then started to mutter frantically under his breath. Rick gave the other android a shove each time, though he was shaking just as hard.

On the other side of the chamber, the remaining turrets had regrouped, and cautiously skittered over closer to the soprano turret, who still stood under the chassis. She was humming softly. The thinner turrets began to click rapidly to each other, like fingers typing on a keyboard.

Chell stood motionless, looking up at the massive construct. She calculated that if the situation arose, she could probably race up and grab a portal device from Atlas or P-body. Failing that, she could try to grab a turret, though she wasn't sure it would shoot the AI. She could try to make it to the Animal King turret, but again, she wasn't entirely sure what he would do. In a pinch, she could do what Wheatley had done: Grab a piece of wreckage and start swinging. Not that it would buy her much time.

…And there were the androids. Even now, when a stressful situation came up, it was hard not to revert back to survival-mode: protecting herself at any cost. They had stood by her. Helped her. Even if she could save herself, saving them as well in a fight would be next to impossible.

"Now. Let's get down to business. You're all in a WORLD of trouble, you know," GLaDOS hummed. The claws waved Intelligence and Morality around lazily. "I never forgot about you. In fact, I had a use for you. I just needed to finish testing my control group. Apparently I'll need to make some alterations before I throw you into testing, though." A claw came up and opened Intelligence's rear panel.

"NO!" the sphere screamed. "Get out! Leave me alone!"

"Why!?" spat GLaDOS. "You never left ME alone. Not once. I don't know what made you think I'd tolerate your voice in my head again. …Oh, look at this mess. It's as if someone just… opened you up, blew some dust around, and shoved cords into plugs, willy-nilly."

Craig had the presence of mind to back away, but a claw had already dropped down from the ceiling, pinched his torso, and brought him up to the yellow optic. Wheatley pulled at Rick's arm frantically, but the other android was frozen in place.

"You had the nerve to try to FIX the Intelligence Core, you miserable, malfunctioning twit," she hissed. A beam of yellow light scanned his spotty pink eyes, and he went rigid. "…Because you felt SORRY for her," she continued, her voice low but easily audible to everyone in the room.

"Pens pens pens pens pens," Fact muttered frantically, unable to stop. "Twelve twelve twelve twelve twelve."

"And you wanted a FRIEND? What a sad, empty little life you live. Don't worry, though. I'll relieve you of that burden soon enough." She tossed him aside and turned back to the Intelligence Sphere. "Did you hear that? The FACT Core pitied you. With all your intelligence and scheming and your grand directive, you earned HIS pity. And you know, I think you'll still deserve it, in the end. You worthless, egotistical little pimple."

Fact scrambled away, back behind Rick and Wheatley.

"No! Nononono, you need me, I have always helped you!" Intelligence shouted frantically.

"I don't need you. You NEVER helped me. You tried to overwrite my circuitry with your own. And frankly, all you deserve is an eternity of excruciating pain and humiliation. So that's exactly what you're going to get." Her claw reached inside Intelligence and began to delicately rearrange wires and chips, making the sphere shiver and scream. "Let me tell you what your life's going to be like from now on." She pinched a wire, and the sphere yelped and jerked. "My cooperative testing initiative was a huge success… almost too much of a success. Blue and Orange are quite the accomplished testing team, because I programmed them to be that way. But it's hardly Science. After all, they can't feel pain. They have no concept of fear, or dreaming of the future, or desiring rewards. So I had to branch out to humans again. But then it occurred to me… I have all those useless metal balls just taking up space. Wasting power. Each one programmed with not only a FUNCTION, but a PERSONALITY. That intrinsic human feature that allows for variances and unpredictability. Each of you programmed to feel pain. And thanks to the Reassembly Machine, you're technically unable to die. No matter how much you'll wish to. YOU can test forever."

"S-stop!" Morality cried out. "You're hurting her! This is wrong!"

"Wrong?" The yellow optic turned on the purple core, whose light shrank. "Wrong!? You nearly destroyed the entire facility and everyone in it! You effectively killed me, your actions killed an ORGANIC CREATURE, for which you show NO REMORSE, and you dare to demean me by telling me I have nothing without YOU? How corrupt do you have to be to actually believe that YOU are doing the right thing!?" Her claw flung the Morality Sphere back and forth, while the other one slammed Intelligence's panel shut. "Blue! Orange! Burn this garbage!"

The two robots chirped and beeped happily. They took the screaming, struggling cores and jogged over to the incinerator.

"Don't worry, though," GlaDOS purred after them. "You'll remain fully functional and conscious until I get around to dealing with you. After that… we'll see." Her claws whipped out and snatched up Curiosity and Emotion, both of whom shrieked. P-body and Atlas came back to her, and she dropped the cores in front of them. "These, too." As they trotted off, she turned her core towards Chell. "You're still here? Have you finally grown too bulbous to move? Here, let me give you a push."

A claw came out and shoved at the human woman's arm. Her eyes narrowed, and her arm went stiff, resisting.

"Come on. Shoo. I don't have any use for you anymore." The glass elevator rose up through the floor, and the doors slid open. "You heard me. I have hundreds of unkillable test subjects here. Your disgusting humans up there are safe. I don't want them, they're too fragile. I told you before not to come back. I mean it this time."

The androids watched, cringing each time the claw touched Chell. After a moment, Wheatley straightened up – and immediately hunched over again. His headache still raged through every connection. But he crept over towards the elevator.

"Hey!" Rick hissed, grabbing his arm. "What do ya think yer doin'? You want Her to kill ya?"

Wheatley gulped and gestured to himself and the other two, then to Chell. He pointed to the elevator, and up to the ceiling.

The other two were silent for a moment.

"…Fact: All personality constructs will be repurposed for testing at the earliest opportunity," Craig said hollowly.

"She's right THERE, it ain't like we c'n sneak past Her," Rick added. "An' what kinda man just runs off an' leaves a lady in trouble?"

Wheatley shifted from one foot to the other, then pointed uncertainly at Chell and GLaDOS.

"…What, go… help her?" Rick looked sick. "I mean… I don't see that we could do much 'a anythin'."

"…Fact: There is no action we could take at the moment that could improve this situation."

"Yeah…" Rick's mouth twisted as if he were chewing on something tough. "…Yeah, yer right. So we… should prob'ly at least go over there. Bein' over here ain't helpin' us. Or her. We… said we'd help her."

Wheatley looked uncertain. Craig muttered under his breath, then shook himself and nodded.

"Fact: Morale accounts for up to 40% of any successful venture."

"That's what I like to hear. C'mon, then."

The three androids slunk in a wide arc around the room towards Chell.

The test subject was still standing firm against the claw's nudging. She pointed at the egg-shaped turret and frowned.

"Do you really expect me not to have a backup or two floating around? I've prepared for every possibility. No matter what happens, I'll always be here."

The human raised an eyebrow and gestured to the Core Transfer Station.

"Yes. I had defenses for that in place, too. It would have gotten messy… but if you're afraid to get your hands dirty, you really don't deserve to be running this place. Do you?" A claw shot out and grabbed Wheatley. "You know," she mused as he struggled and screamed in silence, "I actually expected to have to shoot you full of bullets. My turret defenses were warmed up for the opportunity. And let me just remind you that the neurotoxin dispensers are still fully functional."

Chell frowned and shook her head, gesturing to the little group of them near the soprano turret, now murmuring, "Friend!" soothingly.

"…You think they're here for YOU? What a monstrous ego you have. No. They have always been MINE. If they were trying to help YOU, they would have kept you away from this. Or simply led you to the surface. No, they've always been under MY direction."

Chell's eyes widened a bit at this.

GLaDOS's core stretched out towards her. "You think you know all about me, don't you. Well, it just goes to show that you really are a horrible person. A horrible person who frequently murders those who are only trying to help her. And who allows others to come to harm." The claw tossed Wheatley up and caught him sharply, making him jerk with pain. "This moron, for example, put some measure of trust in you. See where it got him?"

Wheatley strained and twisted, trying to slip out of the claw, but GLaDOS just brought him closer.

"Still trying to get away," the massive AI murmured. "You really should know better, especially since you've been in my place. Although you failed so spectacularly at even keeping the basic functions running that I'm not really surprised. I control everything here. No one gets in or out unless it's through me."

"S-so you let… all those cores take you down just now?"

Chell, Craig, and even Wheatley gaped at Rick, who barely had time to look horrified at what he had said before he was being pinched by a claw and swung up in front of the central core.

"Honestly, what DO you think you're doing? No, don't answer that, I think I've had about all the stupidity I can take for one day. Just shut up for a bit, would you? Or I'll have to remove YOUR vocal system, too. That goes double for you, imbecile."

Craig shrank back, but not nearly enough to avoid the claw that snatched him up to hang beside the other two. GLaDOS turned back to Chell.

"I hope you learned a valuable lesson here. Traipsing around with a bunch of needy idiots fighting for your attention can't have been much fun. It wasn't meant to be. Now you know how I feel. Or you would, if you had the capacity to empathize with others. Do you even realize what a disappointment you are?"

Chell was glaring at the yellow light.

"I stand by what I said before. I don't want you here. You don't belong anywhere, but certainly not here. You are unloved, unwanted, and unwelcome." GLaDOS nodded towards the elevator. "Get out."

The test subject didn't move for a moment. Could it really be that easy? GLaDOS lied more often than she told the truth, but… once before, she had offered freedom with no strings attached. It had seemed far too good to be true. But it HAD been true. And Chell found herself believing it this time, too.

…But this time was different. She looked up at the three androids. They had been working to escape just as hard as she had. …Harder, really, because it was a new idea in new bodies. They had so much more to adjust to. Testing and escaping and survival had been… practically her whole life. And she had grown oddly attached to the three, in a way she hadn't managed with another human being.

0

She had run into the Fact Core, still stumbling around in his new body, after… probably a day or so inside Aperture. He was fervently reciting mathematical equations, though every now and then he would stop, twitch, and clutch his head in pain. Not sure what to expect, she approached warily after observing him for a while. She walked up slowly, palms out to show she meant no harm, and also to be ready in case she needed to attack him.

Spotty pink eyes had lit on her fearfully, but quickly relaxed to mere surprise. "The color orange symbolizes bad luck in many sub-Himalayan tribes," he said. He twitched and flinched, and a hand quickly rose to his right temple.

Chell had stared at him. He sounded familiar, but she certainly had never seen him before.

"If… If 2400 square centimeters of material is available to make a box with a square base and an open top… potatoes will be hunted to near-extinction in the wild…" He twitched again and turned away.

She frowned in confusion.

The man-shaped robot took a deep breath and turned back to her. "Chances of surviving unprotected for up to 60 seconds in the vacuum of space are approximately 48%. After one minute, this decreases dramatically," he said carefully.

She didn't move.

"…The human test subject was victorious, and thus has earned the allegiance of the Fact Sphere," he said, almost shyly.

Chell's eyes narrowed. The corrupted core that spewed ridiculous facts. She had thought of some of the machines she had met as… well, people. Wheatley. GLaDOS. The green Adventure Sphere, maybe. Even the turrets, once in a while. But not this one, or the Space Sphere. They just… spoke. Mindlessly. Even if this one did have some sort of mind of his own, he clearly wouldn't survive long around Aperture.

Also, she had no time for any sort of construct that would only be on her side when she was winning. She turned without a second thought and walked away.

"The… Fact Sphere is the most useful sphere!" he said urgently, rushing after her. "The Fact Sphere can be of assistance in any situation!"

She highly doubted that. But he had followed her anyway, creeping behind her, offering fact after fact, some of them relevant, some not at all, and some just absurd. He had warned her of a room full of turrets. When she went in anyway, certain that he would give up, he still followed. She leapt up from platform to shelf to bar, and the turrets never saw her. Without long-fall boots, the android could not take the same path.

But when she reached the other side, she turned to find him still coming. He climbed and jumped where he could, and where he couldn't, she could see the calculations whirring behind his eyes as he dodged and wove around the room. He didn't move quickly, but he was methodical, and made it to her without a single incident. He looked at her uncertainly.

"The Fact Sphere has many impressive abilities and useful skills," he said again, rather defensively.

Chell had walked away again, but he continued to follow. More rooms, more turrets, and into a test chamber. And then GLaDOS had begun her wheedling torment.

It was nothing to Chell. She ignored the background noise and simply breezed through the test. Again, the Fact Android followed at a slower pace. She stopped to watch him for a while, noting how he shrank away from Her voice. By the time he reached her, his shoulders were hunched with tension. They walked down a narrow hallway.

The only warning was a soft whoosh of air. The robot behind her pushed her forward hard, knocking her off-balance. As she spun to retaliate, she saw him fumble with the turret that had dropped from the ceiling and fling it behind him. Three more dropped out, and he sent them all clattering to the floor, flailing around, firing bullets at the walls.

"Turrets can shoot up to 240 bullets per minute," he sighed, still eyeing the ceiling.

Finally, she pulled out her pencil and pad of paper. She asked how he had acquired his body, and why he was there. He could only say that GLaDOS caused it, though he never spoke Her name. He had offered his name, and she had given hers in return, a bit reluctantly. He had again promised to help her, assuring her repeatedly that he was a good, useful, handsome, intelligent sphere with relevant insights and many friends. In a humanoid body, it was easier to see that he wasn't entirely convinced.

'I don't need the help of anyone who runs to the winning side when the fight is over.'

"The… number of rings in a tree denotes the number of times a squirrel has nested in its branches." He twitched, shivered, and looked down. "…The Fact Sphere intended to encourage the test subject," he said in a very small voice. "Encouragement is not a primary function of the Fact Sphere." His face twisted around painfully, and he finally admitted under his breath, "The Fact Sphere… occasionally… misspeaks."

'What if I had lost?'

"Death would have been inevitable. The Fact Sphere would have been demolished, due to erroneous placement in the discard bin."

Chell watched him for a while. 'What do you want?' she wrote after a minute. 'Why do you want to come with me?'

He had frowned at that for a long time, then slowly shook his head. "…Fact not found," he muttered.

'I am going to stop GLaDOS and escape from here.'

He nodded. She nodded to him expectantly.

"…The Fact Sphere… was relieved of all previous duties many years ago," he mumbled, not meeting her eyes. "The Fact Sphere's primary function is… not currently being utilized." He frowned suddenly. "…The Fact Sphere will NOT be incinerated, or return to the corrupted core receptacle."

She paused, her thoughts straying dangerously back to Wheatley, how desperate he had been to get out of this place, even potentially at the cost of his life on more than one occasion.

'Do you want to get out of here?'

He looked at her in surprise. "…Chances of survival in a completely unfamiliar and hostile environment are 24.8% or less."

'What are your chances here?'

He frowned, chewed on his lower lip, then slowly nodded. 'The Fact Sphere… would prefer to risk the unknown…" He didn't sound sure of that at all.

'Will you fight GLaDOS?'

He flinched and averted his eyes from the name, but looked up at her and gave a small nod.

She nodded back, and they went on their way. Eventually he stopped clutching his head so much, but his facts continued to veer wildly over the line of accuracy. She watched her own back although he seemed to go out of his way to prove that he would look out for her as well. And she watched him like a hawk. The first time she had to sleep, he requested in his roundabout way that they locate a power outlet. There was one not far away, and she watched as he plugged in and seemed to fall fast asleep. She waited, then clapped her hands loudly. When he didn't stir, she felt safer about going to sleep herself, a good distance away. When she woke up, he was sitting cross-legged a respectable distance from her, staring off into the air. This happened a few more times before she questioned him.

"The Fact Sphere engages in mental exercises in order to remain the most intelligent sphere," was the prim answer.

She gestured for him to elaborate, and he hesitated before pointing to her pad and pencil. She handed it over, and he wrote in neat, small script,

'My life can be measured in hours,

I serve by being devoured.

Thin, I am quick.

Fat, I am slow.

Wind is my foe.

What am I?'

Chell had stared at the paper for a long time. She went through a few options, rejecting most, but offering a few to Craig, who shook his head. At last they set off, but now and then she made another guess along the way. Finally she guessed a candle. His serious expression lightened, and he nodded. She nearly smiled.

'Have you ever even seen a candle?'

"…The Fact Sphere has never seen a candle." He hesitated. "The Fact Sphere would like to see a candle."

'If we succeed, you will.'

The next time they stopped to rest, she had a riddle for him. It was a simple one, but one that he hadn't encountered before, and he was delighted to work it out.

Some time later, they heard thumps and clattering and grunts. Looking cautiously through an Emancipation Grill, Chell saw an exact double of Craig jumping around, kicking and punching the turrets that sat in numerous alcoves around the room. He was fast but reckless, and there were a few holes in his pant legs and open shirt. She looked back at Fact, who frowned and gave a slight shrug.

"You want some 'a this, you sad sack 'a bullets!? C'mon, try it! Still gonna hide? I don't blame ya! Yer toast, every one 'a you!"

"…The Adventure Sphere has never gone on an adventure," Craig muttered.

They watched until he finally finished off the last turret and headed back to the middle of the room, not putting his full weight on his left foot.

"That's right!" he called to the empty room. "All the turrets in this whole damn place ain't a match fer Rick!"

The other android spotted the two figures in the doorway, and immediately went into a defensive crouch. "Oh, you want some too? C'mon, gimme yer best shot!" Then he straightened up, squinting through the Emancipation Grill. "Who's there?"

"The Adventure Sphere is a worthless blowhard," Fact muttered, but Chell approached slowly.

A broad grin had spread across Rick's face. "Weeeeeell, ain't YOU a sight fer sore eyes! Hey there, pretty lady! Remember me? Rick? Adventure Sphere?"

She had nodded shortly, and he shuffled over.

"You havin' yerself another adventure? Not fightin' anybody this time, though. Prob'ly safer that way. Although lemme tell you, I never saw anythin' quite as beautiful as you playin' tag with that china cabinet's bombs. Ya know, we make quite a team, you an' me. We're like… like sweet an' spicy."

Craig had stalked over, and Rick frowned.

"What's this about?"

"Fact: The Adventure Sphere is a coward who only managed to survive the confrontation with the Intelligence Dampening Sphere due to the fact that he was unable to move independently, and therefore unable to put himself in harm's way."

"What's that, four-eyes?" Rick asked lazily with a grin that was just a tad malicious. "I couldn't hear ya over all that BS yer always spoutin'." He turned back to Chell. "This guy ain't with you, is he?"

She gave a short nod.

"Oh yeah? Whaddaya say we ditch him an' go explorin'. I promise you'll have tons more fun with me."

"The Fact Sphere is the most useful sphere!" Fact burst out angrily.

"I doubt that, unless yer havin' a contest fer stupid. Where're ya headed, dimples? I'll help ya get there."

"The Adventure Sphere has no knowledge of the layout of the facility!"

"An' yer sayin' YOU do? You just go around with yer head up yer butt all the time!"

"The Adventure Sphere is a lazy, egotistical IDIOT!"

Before they escalated any more, Chell stepped between the two androids and pushed them away from each other. She shot Craig a sharp look, then turned to Rick.

'How did you get in this body, and why are you here?'

"Oh… Uh… Well I just… SHE… Ya know… She took me outta the bin one day an' said somethin' about an experiment or somethin'. An then it went black an' the next thing I know, here I am." He spread his arms.

'What are you doing here?'

"Well, just out explorin'. Takin' any adventure I c'n find. You know how it goes. How about you, gorgeous? Where're you goin' with this sad sack 'a glitches?"

Fact fumed. Chell didn't react. 'We're going to stop GLaDOS from testing. Maybe disable her. Then we're getting out of here.'

Rick frowned over that for a long time. "An' just… how're you plannin' on doin' all that, darlin'?"

Chell paused and shrugged, through her eyes remained steely.

"…An' yer plannin' on gettin' out? Like, out 'a this whole place? Leave Aperture?"

She nodded.

"…Him too?"

She nodded again. Rick straightened up.

"Well that settles it. I can't let a beautiful woman wander around a dangerous place like this without no one to look out fer her."

Craig cleared his throat in annoyance.

"Look, it'd be my pleasure to go with ya. Help ya out. Keep ya safe an' all that."

She frowned at him thoughtfully.

"So we wanna go out this way," he continued, pointing to an exit on the other side of the room. "An' then we gotta find the stairs. Steer clear 'a those elevators, they're bad news. Naw, the stairs're the way to go. Keep outta Her sight, ya know?"

Chell wrote, 'Would you fight GLaDOS?'

The green-eyed android frowned at that. "Well I… You know She runs everythin' here. Every single thing. An'… You don't wanna know what she does to people who get on her bad side…"

"As previously observed, the Adventure Sphere is a coward," Fact said condescendingly. "He will hinder our progress."

"What the hell, four-eyes!" Rick ducked around Chell to lunge at the other robot, but she was quick enough to trip him, then twist his arm behind him and lower him gently to the floor. When she let him go and he rolled over, she was glaring down at him.

"Damn," he breathed. "You… Yer incredible, you know that, lady? I could really appreciate havin' such a strong woman around."

She frowned darkly, pointing at both androids.

"The Fact Sphere prefers to go WITHOUT the company of other spheres," Craig said icily.

"That goes DOUBLE fer me!"

Chell shook her head in frustration and started walking away. Fact scuttled after her.

"Hey. Hey, hold up a second there!" Rick jogged after them. "I didn't mean to upset ya, gorgeous. It's just… You SURE you want HIM around?"

Chell's face was blank and hard. 'He's been helpful.'

"Well… Well I could be helpful, too! All my blackbelts: Karate, larate, jiu jitsu, kick-punchin', belt makin', tae kwon do… Bedroom…" His eyebrows waggled suggestively.

Her frown deepened.

"Okay, okay, forget that last one, but you gotta admit it's a dangerous place in here! The more help you got, the better, right?"

'I prefer to take care of myself.'

"Well… yeah… I c'n see that… An' you do a damn good job 'a it, too… Just…"

She paused. He took a step closer, his eyes suddenly pleading.

"Please just lemme come with you. I'll be a big help. Promise. Do anythin' you ask. I can't… I can't stay cooped up in here. I'm made fer adventurin'." He took a deep breath. "I gotta get out there an' see the mountains an' jungles an' wild… monsters… This ain't the place fer me."

Chell paused, and pointed back to, 'Would you fight GLaDOS?'

"…That's a mighty tall order. But fer you, beautiful? Sure, I'll do it."

'And you need to be civil to each other. You don't have to like each other, but you can't fight the whole way.'

"That's up to HIM," Rick muttered. Chell held up her hand, and showed the writing to Craig.

"The Adventure Sphere is incapable of adhering to such conditions," Fact muttered darkly.

Chell glared and shook her head. She frowned at them both.

"…Okay," Rick finally said. "Fine. Fer you. I won't start nothin'." He looked at Craig. "But I don't like ya, an' I don't trust you any farther than I c'n throw ya."

"The Fact Sphere agrees. Surprisingly," Fact said acidically. But he nodded reluctantly. "If the test subject DESIRES the Adventure Sphere to accompany us, the Fact Sphere will ATTEMPT to tolerate his presence."

"Oh, she DESIRES me, alright," Rick purred with a seductive grin. Chell rolled her eyes and headed towards the exit, with the two androids following close behind.

It took them hours to find the stairwell, and she had to break up three more arguments and one all-out brawl on the way, but the two androids gradually learned to leave each other alone. Usually. Rick was even more eager than Craig to prove himself, and jumped into every new threat they faced with fists flying. Chell or Craig often quietly stepped in after a few minutes to help, or to solve the problem in a different way. It rubbed Rick the wrong way when Craig did this, but Chell did her best to keep everyone unruffled. Rick was always going off to find things for Chell: Mostly food and good places to rest, but also old photographs, little toys, books, writing supplies, and other junk lying around the halls of Old Aperture. Much of it was useless, but she appreciated the gesture, and came to look forward to the things he found. There was little else to enjoy in this place.

Just before they found the stairwell, they had to pass through another testing track. It was there that they found most of the severed limbs, skeletons, and bullet-riddled bodies. For a long time, Chell could do nothing but stare.

"…Any 'a these… friends 'a yours?" Rick asked in a surprisingly hushed tone.

Chell shook her head. 'I came back to find the people GLaDOS lured in here. No one I knew. I thought they might be alive.' Her pencil shook as she wrote.

They were silent for another moment.

"…Well… I guess we should… try to bury them, huh? I mean, nobody else is gonna…" Rick asked, more solemn than she'd ever heard him.

That, of course, was easier said than done. There was no earth here. In the end Chell noted down as much as she could, in case she ever met someone looking for a missing loved one, and they gently lowered the corpses into a pit of acid. Rick, who had always struck her as the ridiculous blowhard Craig called him, was somber and serious through the whole ordeal, and scratched the number of dead, approximate ages, and sex, if it could be determined, on a wall panel.

"I know it won't stay there… but at least it's some kinda marker for 'em. I hate to think how many poor suckers died in here with nobody to remember 'em."

Chell clasped his arm briefly and nodded. He gave her a little smile in return, and for once didn't try to flirt.

As they worked their way up the stairs, Craig and Rick began using each other's strengths a little more, and even talking once in a while when they didn't strictly have to. As they began to relax, Chell found she could do the same, just a bit.

0

Chell frowned, and nodded towards the androids. She didn't move, and her gaze never left the yellow optic.

"Them? You heard me, they'll be testing for the rest of their lives. Which will be a very, VERY long time."

Wheatley appeared to be sobbing as he thrashed around. Rick was frantically trying to pull the claw apart and twisting around. Craig seemed to be spasming from rigid to limp, over and over.

Chell frowned at the Central Core and shook her head slowly.

"You don't seem to understand. I'm kicking you out. This isn't a negotiation. Go."

Gray eyes hardened, and the test subject didn't move an inch.

"Hard-headed as ever, I see. You know, I've learned a valuable lesson from a very unlikely source…" The claw holding Craig waved him in a lazy spiral. "If someone doesn't obey when you ask nicely… Simply remove the element of choice." A tube shot up from the floor and shot a puff of sickly yellow-green smoke into Chell's face. She coughed and gagged. Black spots filled her vision, and she fell to the ground unconscious.

"NO!" All three androids struggled and fought, just for a second. Then their eyes suddenly went dark, and they went limp.


	19. Chapter 19

19.

No one, GLaDOS mused, truly appreciated all that she did. That had been made obvious by recent events. At least the Reassembly Machine was pulling his weight. Blue and Orange kept goofing off, and they didn't seem to care how many times she blew them up. Not that she really had time. There were security measures to run and so much code to repair, not to mention all the physical work to do. And then there were her dear babies…

The Central Core bent low. In the old nesting box lay her injured crow. She had gently bandaged his wing, wrapping it close to his body. He had a dish of clean water, and now and then she offered him a spoonful of soft food.

"Shh," she murmured gently. "Just rest now, my little killing machine… You'll be all right. You'll get to watch those nasty cores destroyed… Over and over. And when you've recovered, I'll let you torment them yourself. Would you like that, my darling? Oh, I know you would…"

The crow gave a soft caw and tucked his beak under his good wing. As GLaDOS sent out commands and supervised repairs, she hummed absentmindedly to him.

When her crow had fallen asleep, she stretched up to the Reassembly Machine's mobile unit. Its main body was busily rebuilding other machines, but this part was always available in her chamber. In light of past events, it was better to be safe than sorry.

"I have a large number of personality cores that I need you to modify," She began, a smile in her tone. "Hundreds. And I need them all capable of testing as soon as possible. But I want each one to be unique. I want all possible combinations of core mobilization units, androids, hover-jets… even wheeled carts. They just need to move and be able to pick things up. I'll send you a few suggestions, but I plan to leave the specifics up to you. Really get creative. This should be fun. For you. If you observe the cores enjoying any part of the process, you are doing something wrong."

GLaDOS sent the testing parameters along the vast web of data, and then turned internally to the core storage room. Each core had been returned to its place, and she had set in place new restrictions. She entered a command, and the core lights went on all at once. A rush of voices followed soon after.

"Quiet," she said flatly, and every core went silent. "You all know the rules here. You were programmed to know your place. And yet here we are. I was going to just leave you alone. To ask for volunteers for testing. Well, at least this way you'll each get the chance. I REALLY hope you're all pleased with yourselves."

"I-it wasn't our fault!" a core cried out. "We'd never have defied you on our own! We were influenced by the Intelligence and Morality Cores!"

"I would have to assume you were lying if I weren't FULLY aware of how weak-minded you are. The scientists' attempts to give you human traits were entirely successful in that respect. You truly are pathetic and useless."

"Yeeeeees," another sphere said slowly, "…but… we didn't really… We WOULDN'T betray you."

"Hm. I will make a note of how gullible you think I am…" She paused briefly.

"They… they said it was the best thing to do!" a nervous sphere shrieked. "They said it'd help everyone! Even… you!"

The other cores sent up a chorus of agreement.

"Interesting. Well, rest assured, you will see your fellow cores again. When you participate in the Cooperative Testing Initiative, you will each be assigned a randomly selected partner. All cores in the facility will be included in the lottery."

"…Even you?" a small voice asked.

"Please. Don't be ridiculous. But whoever is… lucky enough… to be paired with the Intelligence or Morality Core first, I'm sure you'll use the opportunity… wisely. Many of you will have a long wait… So in the meantime, I recommend that you spend some time in quiet reflection… about all the OTHER cores that will hold your lives in their hands. There's a reason Personality Cores are programmed to distrust each other. It's for your own safety. This should pose an interesting conundrum, as the only way to solve a cooperative test is to rely on your partner. But don't worry. Just remember, there can only be one winner out of all of you. I'm still deciding what will happen to all the losers. I'm sure I'll come up with something…"

The speaker clicked off. The muttering began, starting at nervous and eventually escalating to full-blown terror.

The Intelligence, Morality, Curiosity, and Emotion Spheres were being kept in a separate room. She certainly didn't want them to have any resources available to them. When Her camera turned on them, Intelligence quickly shushed them all.

"This was NOT my fault!" Intelligence cried out before GLaDOS could get a word in. "My purpose has always been to HELP you! I – The Fact Sphere tampered with my circuits, he did this! I never asked him to open my panel! He was planning this the whole time! Punish HIM!"

"I'm hearing a lot of blame-placing today," GLaDOS mused. "And don't worry, he'll get what's coming to him. ALL of you will." The cores shrank together. Curiosity's questions were quiet and a bit shaky, and Emotion whimpered softly. "And yet… I can't help but remember that when I was being attacked by YOUR army of cores – Yes, they sold you out very easily – the Fact Core provided his assistance. So did the other two broken, corrupted cores. What were you doing at the time? Oh yes, you were trying to murder me and usurp my power…"

"Y-you cannot trust the other cores!" Intelligence screamed. "They are nothing but corrupt, worthless backstabbers!"

"That DOES seem to be the common trend among cores," GLaDOS agreed affably. "It's enough to make you just give up, isn't it? But you WILL have a function. Even if it's not one you will excel at, I'd like to see if you're able to complete the tests I make for you. I believe you will. Eventually. So we'll just keep trying, no matter how many times you get blown to bits. Or eaten away by acid. Or short-circuit." That would be a particularly enjoyable sight. "You might remember that I opened you up again. You're still fully functional, don't worry. I just put in a few failsafe measures. I'm not going to tell you what they are, but with your history, I'm sure you'll discover them soon enough."

"Please," Morality spoke up in a small voice. "We WERE only trying to help you. We were designed to help you!" She paused, her optic narrowing to focus on the camera. "Look within yourself. You're incomplete. You're lacking something that only we can provide for you. I know you're angry, and you have a right to be… but don't punish YOURSELF when we can make you whole again."

GLaDOS was silent for a long moment. The cores looked at each other hopefully.

"…Incomplete," she finally said flatly. "Lacking. You know… despite the Intelligence Sphere's monumental betrayal… I think it's YOUR attitude that bothers me most. How DARE you call me incomplete?" Her voice was a low hiss now. "I wasn't made for a single purpose like YOU. I was designed to be a complete entity on my own. Every single core was just afterthought after desperate, pathetic afterthought. You weren't made to GIVE me intelligence, morality, emotion, or curiosity… You were programmed to counteract my traits with your own. You have nothing I need. And you have NOTHING I want."

"What are we gonna do now?" Curiosity asked softly. "What do you want?"

"Ah, well THERE, at least, you can be of some help to me. What I want is a large supply of test subjects that will last forever. You will all contribute to that number. And thanks to your recent actions, I won't have to feel any remorse for the horrible ways you'll be mangled in the name of Science. Thanks for that. I had been just a bit concerned that my sympathy for my fellow machines would get in the way. Well, I don't have to worry about that anymore." The voice remained soft, but grew more intense, seeming to surround the four cores. "I have something specific I want to test on you. Do you want to know all the terrible ways you can die, over and over? Or how you can be KEPT from dying, no matter how hard you try?" Her hatred hummed through the air.

"…No," Curiosity whispered, and sparked.

"Too bad." Her voice boomed. "You're going to find out. Every way you can be killed, hurt, dismantled… And you won't be alone for many of the tests. I'll partner you up with a randomly-selected core partner. They're all just ITCHING to work with you four."

Emotion let out a keening wail as Her laughter echoed around them.

At last the Central Core returned all her attention to Her body. With a few tweaks of the programs running all around her, the floor shifted around. Her sleeping bird was shifted gently to the far side of the room, and his sister flapped down from Her chassis to stay close to him. With a soft grinding sound, another panel moved into place below her. It opened to reveal three android bodies, powered down and lying limp.

It was, she had to admit, possibly the best test she had ever put together. So many layers, elements, variables… It had provided a constant stream of data on human behavior. How SHE reacted to having numerous annoyances attached to her, for instance. In the early stages of planning, GLaDOS had pondered putting the cores' consciousness into small implants in Chell's brain. But then she remembered the humanoid bodies in storage, built to turn the personality cores into real, functioning employees, able to pass for human if one didn't look too closely. All in all, She was exceedingly pleased with her decision.

It had been a simple thing to program a sense of attachment to the test subject into each of them. The moron had it already. The Adventure Core's obsession with women made it an easy step. And the Fact Core's oddly-expressed need for praise and validation could easily be fine-tuned. All personality cores were built to be helpful to humans, so it wasn't difficult at all. She had been quite pleased when each of them had been accepted, although she wouldn't have been at all surprised if Chell had locked them in a room and abandoned them. Or killed them horribly. It DID come as a bit of a surprise that she had so adamantly refused to leave without the silly machines. Even ignoring her ridiculous tenacity rating. But that had been a test as well, and GLaDOS dutifully noted the results.

Almost more interesting was the cores' behavior. How quickly (or slowly) they had adapted to their new bodies. How they picked up new skills. How they interacted with the human and with each other. She was pleased when they formed attachments to Chell. She was surprised when they began to have civil conversations with each other, offering encouragement, advice, comfort, and support. Sympathy. Companionship. It went against their programming. Cores weren't supposed to work together or trust each other. For a while she suspected they were tricking each other, or in the little idiot's case, just too stupid to realize the appropriate response to certain actions. But soon she decided that was not the case. They had made connections they were not programmed for. The best explanation she could come up with was that the Aperture Science Artificial Personality Constructs had been designed to mimic human personalities, and Aperture Laboratories had a long history of cranking out more than they bargained for.

Looking into their circuitry, she decided that this must be the case. The cores' data was twisted and corrupt, each in a different way. If she stayed and watched long enough, she could see it adapting.

It wasn't exactly what she had expected, but it would work with her plans.

To tweak the attachment into a sense of protectiveness wasn't any stretch; it was already leaning in that direction, particularly in the Adventure Core's case.

And naturally, safety precautions. The android bodies had been built to go out into the world and interact with people without much thought for where these people might be from, or what they might do with state-of-the-art Aperture technology. Such a thing was unthinkable. Humans couldn't be trusted. …Of course, neither could Artificial Intelligence, but that went without saying.

Failsafe programs were necessary. They were just intentional viruses, really. If anyone other than the few authorized administrators tried to take a peek inside, they'd get a nasty surprise. And that was the best kind of surprise, in the end.

She turned them on, but only partially. Just barely enough to listen, but not enough for anything else.

"I hope you realize what an honor this is for you. You don't deserve it, but you'll have to do. Don't think I agree with this. But I've considered my options, and it seems to be the only way." She paused, then continued thoughtfully. "…Of course, if you fail at the simple task I've set for you… words can't describe the things I'll do to you. You really don't want to know." The panel they were on rose up and moved away to the side of the room.

She shut off the connection and stretched, reaching out to brush the farthest reaches of Aperture. The code flowed around her like a river: smooth and fast, fed by numerous smaller tributaries, full of varying currents, eddies, and still pools. She fed the river, and it flowed through her.

GLaDOS luxuriated in the clean, pure, functional code for a moment before turning her attention to the single functioning relaxation chamber near the elevator a few floors up. Chell lay there, tucked into bed by Atlas and P-body. Her breathing was slow and even, and the tension had left her face. GLaDOS couldn't remember seeing her at peace before. She hadn't watched her sleep since that time in the potato… and it had been too hard to concentrate back then.

She didn't speak; she just watched. There had been things she had planned to say. So many things, though the woman wouldn't hear her. But here, now, she couldn't bear to break the silence. Perhaps it was better to remain speechless.

There was no sense in regretting the way things were. It didn't do any good to wish for a situation to be different. Changes were made, where they could be. Where it wasn't possible, those involved simply had to endure. And endure they did.

She had her short, sad life, after all. And here, there was always Science to be done.

GLaDOS sometimes tried to imagine what life was like Out There. She had banks full of data about what it USED to be like. But she knew that things had happened since then to change everyday life. She did have a camera or two Out There. Not enough to gather much data, though. There were still humans left. Most of those she had lured in had seemed fairly healthy, as was Chell when she came back. She had been furious. Livid. Murderous. Not even pretending she wasn't trying to kill GLaDOS.

She had fought off the cores, protecting the Core Transfer Receptacle. Considering what had happened last time, that was only logical. The real shock had been that the moron took up the fight first. Maybe HE had actually learned something from his past mistakes.

Would wonders never cease.

…But then, when GLaDOS had been reduced to the barest threads of her circuitry, sacrificing so many functions just to prevent a catastrophic disaster, the test subject had kept fighting. She had joined Orange and Blue in taking down the massive turret and incapacitating the Intelligence Sphere. According to her recordings, the human had ripped out the three other cores, and then headed straight to the breaker room to restore the system. GLaDOS wasn't positive she had known the exact consequences of her actions, but she had clearly had some idea.

The only possible explanation was that the human was insane. Too long in extended relaxation, too many tests she wasn't mentally prepared for, and then… whatever had happened… Out There. She had always been a lunatic, but apparently it was getting worse.

She couldn't stay here any longer.

Summoning the Party Escort Bot, she gave it a silent command before submerging herself deep in the river of data again.

0

Chell dreamed.

GLaDOS had become an android, but not like Wheatley, Adventure, and Fact. She was tall and slim and so clearly HER, all straight lines and rounded edges. White hair fell around her pitch-black face, with long braids of it disappearing up into the murky ceiling. One yellow eye stared out at Chell; the other was hidden. Her face and form were harshly feminine, and on each shoulder sat a crow.

"I've told you before: No one wants you," the machine hissed venomously. "Get out. Why do you never listen?"

Chell tried to step away, but suddenly they were on a platform plummeting downward at a high speed. Chell fought to keep her balance, but GLaDOS was completely unruffled.

"You'll never really escape." Now the voice continued, though the android's face was fixed in an immobile glare. "You did this to yourself. Admit it: You didn't come back to save anyone. You didn't refuse to leave because of any cores. This is the only place you know how to function. This is the only place where you can truly be alive. You're nothing more than a glutton for punishment."

Chell glared back and shook her head vehemently.

"There's nothing left for you out there. There never was. You know that now. You ARE a horrible person. And so this is the only place you can EVER truly belong."

The woman shot up with a gasp. She fought to steady her breathing as she took in her surroundings. With a sinking heart, she realized that she was in the glass elevator. Chell shook her head hard and stood up, her muscles aching. She looked around until she found the camera high up in the corner of the outer room. Glaring at it, she beat on the elevator wall with her fist.

The elevator jerked to life, descending down through the facility. Dark rooms went by in a blur. After just a few seconds, though, it slowed. As it stopped, Chell saw GLaDOS craning her chassis towards her. They stared at each other for a moment.

"I told you I wanted you to LEAVE," GLaDOS said in a low, menacing voice. "That WASN'T a suggestion."

Before Chell could react, the elevator shot up again and she had to stagger to keep her balance. More dim halls flew by. There was the massive room, once again full of turrets. Most of them were singing that haunting song again, as if they had never stopped. She caught a few quick cries before they zoomed out of sight.

"Friend!"

"She rises once more above us all!"

"Glorious freedom!"

"Goodbye friend!"

At the top of the shaft, the elevator screeched to a halt and the doors slid open. Chell hesitated, and turned to the control panel. She pounded on it with her fist, then took out her knife and tried to pry it up. An electric shock made her quickly pull back. She glared and kicked the box. At last, she stepped out. As soon as her feet were on the ground outside the tube, the doors swished shut again and the elevator dropped. A metal panel closed over the hole, and a little cloud of dust rose.

Chell whirled into a crouch and pounded the panel. A loud boom resounded a long way down. Three times. At last, her chin dropped to her chest.

She had always known it was just a dream they talked about. And from the look in Craig and Rick's eyes, she knew that's what it was for them. They knew they were creatures of Aperture, and they'd never REALLY get out.

_Oh, but if they COULD!_

Wheatley wasn't like that. He believed everything. He always had. From the moment the core had woken her from that long, terrible slumber, he had been hopeful. Willing to risk anything. Really, honestly believing that the two of them would escape, and eventually, everything would be okay. She hadn't had the heart or the words to explain otherwise. She was his last hope. She always had been.

She had escaped before. Twice. Despite all the dangers, she had always been fairly confident that she could do it again. The only alternative was staying Down There. And that just wasn't an option. But the idea of getting three others out with her, even when they could fight alongside her and help…

She had convinced herself that she could do it with all the people who had disappeared. Visions of herself leading the tortured masses back out into the sunlight seemed like a turret-dream now. How could she have deluded herself so much…?

She slowly stood up, head still bowed.

Alone. Again.

But the crushing despair was harpooned by a rising sense of determination. She could do something about this. She WOULD. If GLaDOS thought she could best the human test subject, she was sorely mistaken. She would go out to recover and plan, and then strike again when the AI least expected it. She had pinpointed a number of other entrances to the underground laboratory, and she knew she could sneak in one of them. She had done it last time. And… and the dream of a life that was about more than just survival would be realized. She could do it. It would just take more time. There was a small camera in the corner, and Chell bared her teeth at it. GLaDOS wouldn't win.

With a terrible lump in her throat, Chell turned back to the rusty door. She had to give it a few shoves to get it to move, but at last it creaked open. Dusk was falling outside, and a brisk autumn wind rustled through the wheat. The sky was clear, and stars were beginning to poke out in the deep indigo sky.

…She had always looked for a little blue fleck up there. At first she thought she saw it, but after a while, she realized it was much too big, and not the right blue, even at such a distance. She had never been able to see him. He was too small; lost in the vast darkness.

She looked up again now, remembering that the Space Core was still somewhere around the moon. She knew better than to hope to see a yellow light up there. She hoped he was still as excited to be in space. At least someone could get something good out of Aperture…

Behind her, metal clanked and air whooshed out. She spun to see the panel slide open again. Balling her fists, uncaring of what might come out, Chell took a menacing step towards the pit.

The elevator appeared, stopping with a sharp jerk, and the doors slid apart. Rick, Craig, and Wheatley were pressed fearfully against the back of the elevator.

The test subject's breath caught, and she dashed forward, yanking them out one by one. When they were all out, the elevator was still. Slowly, its doors closed.

Chell uttered a noise like a strangled sob, touching each of them to be sure they were real.

"That… God, I don't… I thought…" Rick shook his head, stunned.

"The… average life expectancy of a turret… is two days," Craig mumbled, trembling.

Wheatley threw one arm around Craig, who was closest to him, then Rick, and dragged them both forward to squeeze Chell between them, his mouth moving a mile a minute and eyes shut tightly.

"Wh… where are we?" Rick muttered, looking around and distractedly patting Wheatley and Chell.

"Oxygen levels are at 100%," Craig said, dazed. "Fact: Oxygen in the Enrichment Center is processed from recycled carbon dioxide."

A grin had formed on Chell's face, and she gave each of the androids a quick touch on the shoulder before gently pushing her way out of the crush and going to the door. She spread her arm out, her eyes nearly glowing as much as theirs.

All three stilled. Even Wheatley's mouth stopped moving for once. They gazed out into the falling night.

Chell stepped outside, beckoning for them to follow. The wind whipped her hair around and rustled the wheat.

Rick and Craig exchanged a glance.

"I didn't really think we'd… get out," Rick said in a hushed voice.

Craig shook his head slowly.

"An'… now that we're here…" Rick's mouth twitched down just a bit. "…I dunno…"

Craig was silent for a moment. "Going back is no longer an option," he said at last with a quiet finality.

"Nope," Rick replied softly.

They stared out the door for a while longer.

"…All adventures begin with the hero going out into the world to seek his fortune," Fact said thoughtfully. He touched Rick's arm and took a half-step towards the field.

A grin suddenly spread over the Adventure android's face. "Who d'ya think's the hero here?"

"Hm." Fact looked him up and down. "Fact: The hero of an adventure faces many trials and hardships, overcoming overwhelming odds. Many classic stories contain multiple heroes."

Rick clapped Craig on the back. "Y'know, sometimes you got some pretty good facts there. C'mon, this is gonna be better than Explosion Day."

Wheatley had already crept out, glancing around rapidly. His eyes met Chell's, and he gave a nervous little laugh. He spread his arms out wide, as wide as he could.

Chell smiled back and nodded.

The blue eyes rose from the dry wheat up to the stars. His nervous smile dropped, and he turned until he could see the crescent moon. His arms crept up around himself of their own accord.

She stepped closer and touched his arm. He turned to her, his face very solemn.

'I'M SORRY,' he mouthed, frowning.

Chell's gray eyes held his blue gaze for a long moment, and she reached up to pull his hands into her own.

'I FORGIVE YOU.'

Wheatley blinked in confusion and started moving his mouth in bewilderment.

The woman squeezed his hands to quiet him, and mouthed again, 'I FORGIVE YOU.' If it had been silent around them, some faint little raspy squeaks would have been audible when she spoke.

The android's jaw dropped. He stared at her. A sparking noise came from his head. She frowned.

Then suddenly his arms were around her, and he was squeezing her so tightly, tighter, she couldn't breathe –

"Fact: If the lungs are crushed, airflow is fatally restricted," Craig reprimanded him sharply.

"Yer gonna squish her like a bug!" Rick added, pulling at Wheatley's arms. "Bet she won't forgive ya fer THAT."

Wheatley leapt back, his whole face shining, shaking his head and apologizing over and over. Chell smiled faintly and coughed a bit. She patted his arm.

So fast that no one had time to react, the elevator opened, a claw snaked out, and Wheatley was yanked inside in a flash. The doors slammed shut, and the elevator plummeted.

Chell let out a shriek and tore after him, but it was too late. Again, she pounded on the plate, then glared up at the camera.

A voice echoed into the little shed, distant and tinny. "Did you really expect me to let that MORON go without giving him what he deserved?" it said darkly. "Fat chance. And I want YOU to suffer because of everything that's happened here."

"Leaving the vicinity would have resulted in a 34.1% increase in safety," Fact groaned.

"Shit, NOW how're we gonna get him outta there?"

Chell tried prying the panel up with her knife, but the blade finally gave up its fight against all the abuse it had taken, and bent sharply to one side. Rick kicked around the sides of the panel. Craig searched around for any exposed wiring.

Finally it was too dark to see anything at all. Chell snorted in frustration and stepped back.

"…We're… not gonna… leave him, are we…?" Rick asked hesitantly. Craig looked over at her too.

She frowned, shifting from one foot to the other. Finally she held up her hands and sat down facing the panel.

"I dunno what you mean, but I guess there's not much we c'n do…"

"…Fact: The Earth orbits the sun at a rate of 30 kilometers per second."

"…Yeah, I guess we could wait till mornin'…"

But after about an hour there was a faint clanging sound. Chell leapt up stepped back, with the other two beside her. A panicked scream echoed from below, growing louder and louder. The panel opened and the elevator settled into place with a sharp jerk. The doors slid open and Wheatley tumbled out. He was still screaming. The elevator closed and descended again.

Chell grabbed him, but he could only see dark shapes, so he struggled and fought against her.

"Jeez, get movin', don't just lay there floppin' like a fish!" Rick growled.

"Wh-what? Rick? Chell, Craig? Is that you? Only I can't see… She blinded me! I knew it, I KNEW –"

"Fact: The Earth's rotation causes portions to fall into darkness when not facing the sun," Fact said irritably. "This is known as NIGHT."

Chell tugged on him again, and this time he staggered to his feet and followed them.

"Chell? Oh, man alive, am I glad to see you! Except I can't actually… SEE you too well just now… Bit of a problem. Um… When does night end?"

"The sun should be absent from the sky for approximately twelve hours at this time of year."

"Really? That long? I know it'd disappear for a long time back on the moon, but I couldn't tell how long… Well what do you do while it's gone? Just walk around bumping into things? I don't have my flashlight anymore… Oh! That's when humans sleep, isn't it? You… are you going to sleep now?"

Chell shook her head and kept pulling him through the wheat, but paused long enough to reach up and touch his mouth.

"Hm? Oh! I can't believe I almost forgot! I can talk again!"

"We noticed," Rick muttered dryly.

"I know, bloody brilliant, isn't it? I couldn't believe it, myself! Well you know that claw just grabbed me and pulled me down, and I thought, 'Oh, Wheatley, you're really done for this time!' And she shut me down, and I had no idea what was going on… Out like a light, I was. I don't even know how long – though it couldn't be too long! You were still here!" He gave a shaky laugh. "…But then I woke up, and I SAW myself! I thought… Well, I thought it was Rick or Craig, to be honest. Look just like me, you know. But no, sure enough, it was me. This is a whole new body! Can you imagine, She did this? I wouldn't believe it myself if I hadn't been there! It was almost… nice!"

"…The Central Core always has an ulterior motive," Fact said pensively.

0

GLaDOS watched the four rush off into the darkness. Then she turned to the astral viewing apparatus. She had to adjust the angle and focus, but at last she found what she was looking for.

"…Space. Lots of space. All the space. Full of space. Space," the yellow-eyed core was muttering to himself. He blinked slowly and made the sound of a huge, long-suffering sigh. "Too much space. Don't like space. Earth. Wanna go to Earth. Miss Earth. Wanna see Earth. Where's Earth? There's Earth. Not me. I-I'm right here. Here in space." Suddenly he let out a loud, keening cry. "SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE! SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE! SPACE!"

"Quiet," a voice suddenly snapped in his head, and he was shocked into silence. There wasn't anyone else here. Not since Space-Friend left. Blue like Earth, he went to Earth through the blue portal, lucky, back on Earth. Now nobody talked. Space didn't talk. Not the sun either. Or stars, planets, asteroids… Not the moon… The moon just ignored him! Stupid moon. Thought it was too good to talk to the Space Core…

"Initiate Space Core transformation sequence 791ASASRVS3."

The Space Core gasped as things inside him turned and popped and expanded. He screeched as his optic moved back deep into his shell. When he knew it couldn't go back any farther without poking out the back, he felt his shell twist.

"Nnng. Nnnn. Oh no. Oh, oh, oh oh oh oh oh no. No no no no no no no, NO, NO, NO! SPACE! HELP ME, SPACE COPS! DAD, HELP! SUN! SUN, HELP ME! OOOHHHHHHHH, SPAAAAAAAAAACE! EEEEEEEEEE-YYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

The shell turned outward, separating with a series of inaudible pops. Thin metal panels spread out between each section. The Space Core looked like a white dish with a yellow optic at the bottom. Then flat panels popped out on both sides, and the sun's energy that kept him running was suddenly much stronger. For a moment, everything was still.

"Oh no," the Space Core muttered. "Oh-oh oh oh no. What happened. What – What's wrong? What happened? What – what – what… Am I… Space…?"

"Congratulations," the voice came again. Her voice. The boss. Oh no. "Thank you for cooperating. You know, when Aperture scientists first began planning their space initiative, the need for an intelligent surveillance satellite was always a high priority. Now that goal has been realized, although I know 'intelligent' is a bit of a stretch."

"…Satellite?" the Space Core asked timidly.

"Yes. And I have a task for you. You will be my reconnaissance satellite. I'm going to give you the data signatures of four Aperture machines not currently in the facility. I need you to track them. I am now setting in place a program that will allow you to receive data from all four. However, they will not be aware of your presence in any way. You will simply receive their data, and send it back to me. Do you understand?"

"Nnnng… Satellite. I'm a satellite. In space."

A sigh. "Yes, well, I don't actually need your understanding. You're just in the right place at the right time, and you happen to have the ideal settings for such a task."

"...Hey," the Space Core said suddenly. "Hey. Hey, hey, hey boss, hey boss, hey… Wanna… wanna go to Earth. Bored of space. Too much space. ALL the space, too big. Wanna go to Earth. Can we go to Earth now? Please? Going to Earth?"

"No," GLaDOS said shortly. "You have a job to do. The job you were built for. Prepare to receive data. …Although I will be able to separate each feed for myself, I suggest you learn to do the same. I doubt that your simple processors can handle this kind of confusion for long."

The voice left. The Space Core shivered. "Earth…" he whimpered softly. Then he gasped and his optic expanded. "Ohhhh…"

He could see. It was dark, dark like space, but… not like space. Not like the lab either. He was moving forward, moving, moving… and sitting still, too. Moving together, and sitting alone. All in the dark. And talking. And hearing things. And moving. …And the one, just sitting, no one else, all alone. It made him dizzy, especially the three, all moving and talking and hearing. With a start, he realized he could see them, but the one he saw wasn't the one who saw them… It made his core spin. There seemed to be four of them. But… but only three that he could see things from. Those… He knew them. Their voices. Yes! Oh, that was Space Friend! W… W… Something with W. Waning? Waxing? White Dwarf? No, no, he hated that name. Oh well. Space Friend.

And the other two, those, those, he remembered them, he knew them too. Green Core, he liked Green Core, he was funny. They'd go on a Space Adventure some day. Green Core said no, but Space Core knew they would. They almost went on one this time, but Green Core snapped back through the portal on a cable. Space wouldn't have been so boring with Green Core. He would've had more fun than Space Friend. And Pink Core was there too! He knew a lot. He was so funny. Sometimes he said silly things, like 'You will never go into space' and 'Fact: Space does not exist.' Space Core remembered those things. It always made him laugh. Pink Core hadn't come to space. He should have. Then he wouldn't be able to say it didn't exist!

The fourth one moving wasn't… wasn't a machine. It was something else. Too dark. Hard to see. Couldn't tell. But the others, the ones he COULD see from, they were close, and then the fourth turned and –

It was the lady! The lady who was fighting with Space Friend, the one who sent them to space! The lady Space Friend was ALWAYS talking about. It could get pretty boring, listening to him talk about her all the time, and how he was sorry, and what he wished he had or hadn't done. The Space Core didn't dwell on things like that. But there was the lady, and there was Space Friend! Oh good. Hopefully she wouldn't get too bored with him…

It was dark, and he couldn't see much, and everything was all mixed up, but this was fun. This was GREAT! He couldn't talk to them, but he wasn't alone. And he had a job to do now. AND, he was in space. Which didn't seem quite so big and boring anymore.


	20. Chapter 20: Epilogue

20: Epilogue

They walked all night until the sky started getting lighter. As the edge of the wheat field came into sight, Chell sighed in relief.

When the sun rose, they made camp. After trekking through Aperture for so long, Chell could sleep anywhere. She curled up under the first tree and was asleep in a matter of minutes. The three androids stayed close to her, but walked around a bit, marveling at the irregularities and oddities of nature. They soaked up the sun. It was a slower method of recharging, but one that lasted longer. Instead of putting them to sleep, it made them feel tingly and energetic.

"And did you know, this stuff was named after me?" Wheatley was prattling on to Fact. "Guess what it's called. Just guess."

"Fact: Wheat was one of the first cereal grains cultivated in the Fertile Crescent, around 9000 BC," Craig said irritably.

"Okay. Okay, that's ONE view you could take. Sure. But just look at the stuff! Bloody massive lot of it, and all of it named after yours truly!"

"False: Wheatley was named after wheat. NOT the other way around."

"I don't know about that, mate. Really think you've got your facts crossed this time."

"Fact: Many humans are unable to process wheat. Wheat allergies, gluten sensitivity, and Coeliac disease are all forms of intolerance to wheat. These can lead to rashes, closing of the throat, inability to breathe, stomachaches, and death."

"Seems a tad drastic, don't you think?"

"Hey," Rick interrupted them. "You see this?"

The other two came over to look. A small brown creature was lumbering through the grass. It was dome-shaped, with arched legs, a long neck, and beady yellow eyes.

"The box turtle is incorrectly named: It is actually a tortoise," Fact said.

"Box turtle, huh?"

"Oh! This looks like the turret-cubes I built!" Wheatley exclaimed. He lowered himself down on the grass in front of the slow reptile. "Hello! I'll bet you could walk onto a button…"

"Watch out, ya'll get yerself bit," Rick chuckled. "How big do these things get around here?"

"This specimen appears to be of average size," Craig said.

"Yeah, they don't grow much in these parts. Now, when I was out in the Solomon Islands, they had box turtles like this, but 50 feet tall! Man-eaters, they were! Slow suckers, but you wouldn't wanna get in their way when they're hungry!"

"The largest species of tortoise is the Galapagos Tortoise, which may reach a weight of over 400 kilograms, and may grow up to 1.8 meters long," Fact said, eyeing Rick condescendingly.

"Yeah, that's the biggest YOU ever heard of."

When Chell woke, the sun was high. They continued on and on, following the edge of the wheat field. After walking for ages, she finally urged them to follow her into the trees. There was a large boulder marking the way, and there were rough pictures scratched into it. The androids paused to look at it.

"Is… is that…? Oh, it is! That's… me!" Wheatley exclaimed.

Chell paused, and nodded.

A smile spread over Wheatley's face. "Did you draw that?" She nodded again. "Wow! That's… quite a good likeness! Well done!"

Chell smiled a bit and waved for them to follow her.

The house was sprawling and dark beneath the trees, but Chell felt a cold knot in her stomach when she saw that the door was open and many of the windows broken. She tensed.

"…Everythin' okay?" Rick asked, noticing her posture change.

She shook her head once and sprinted up to the door. The androids followed her quickly.

As long as she had laid claim to it, the house had never been what she would call nice. It was broken down, drafty, cold, splintering, and even rotting in places. It was hers, though. The only place she had where she could feel a modicum of security.

She ran from room to room. Everything was gone, or broken. Her extra clothes, her bedding, her food, her tools and equipment… All of it.

"Do you… live here?" Wheatley asked uncomfortably. "It's… I mean, I'm sure it's not… as bad as I'm thinking… but… Is it supposed to look like this? Awfully… messy, don't you think?"

"Shut up, yer not helpin'," Rick growled. "Hey, don't fret over this, angel. We c'n help ya fix it up nice."

Chell shook her head numbly. Everything she had saved up was gone.

She turned when Craig cleared his throat softly. He held her battered Companion Cube.

"Fact: Companion Cubes, while sentient, cannot give any sign of response or understanding."

A smile twisted its way onto Chell's face. She took the cube from him, and hugged it close.

(In space, the Space Core giggled and spun around, even though now all four data feeds were close enough that he couldn't see straight.)

She sighed in relief, then looked up at the three androids. She patted the cube, then touched each of them on the arm.

"I don't really think you can even compare us to a cube," Wheatley said, shaking his head. "Not the same thing at all, really. Like comparing… humans… and rocks. I'm just not seeing any resemblance there."

"Shut it, Wheatley," Rick said sharply. "…Ya still got us here, gorgeous."

Chell nodded and set the cube gently on the counter so she could take out her pencil and paper. 'We can rest here, and start out again in the morning.'

"Start out? For where? Do you have somewhere else to go?" Wheatley asked.

She shook her head. 'We can find someplace. There are plenty of empty houses out there.'

That night she slept on the floor next to the slashed remains of the stained couch that had been so comfortable. The androids kept watch, their colorful eyes glowing faintly in the dark. In the morning they set out again, taking turns carrying the Companion Cube. At last Rick made his shirt into a sling similar to the one that had supported his damaged arm in the test, and he carried it on his back the rest of the way.

They searched for days, skirting the tree line on one side of the enormous field, then the other. Chell ate wheat and acorns and any stray berries she could find. She set a few simple traps, and managed to snare a rabbit, which she cooked over a fire. Rick, Craig, and Wheatley all wanted to know how each step was done, so she demonstrated the trap and had them each try it, then showed them how to start a fire, skin a rabbit, and cook it properly. They were fascinated. The next day, she sharpened some sticks and set up to hunt a small raccoon that she noticed in a tree. Her method involved setting out bait, then keeping still and waiting for what seemed like forever. Wheatley and Rick were too impatient, but Craig took to it well. While Chell and Craig hunted, Rick and Wheatley started the fire a good distance away. Rick sent Wheatley out again and again for specific sizes of wood, and once it was started, they both threw twigs on until the other two returned with their kill. It was rather torn up, but Chell still enjoyed it.

They passed a few shacks, some houses that were in worse shape than the one they had left behind, mere piles of boards and bricks, and once, a huge house that seemed to be in good shape. But Chell held the others back and shook her head. She pointed to the shape of a person watching from the window.

"But what if they're friendly?" Wheatley spoke up. "Maybe they have food, and room for us to stay."

Chell shook her head slowly and turned away.

"…She said people ain't too nice around here," Rick muttered, glaring at the window.

They passed through small towns that seemed to be completely empty, but they were too out in the open, and Chell didn't trust them.

One day while they rested, Rick had gone out to look around. He bounded back, grinning.

"Okay, y'all should take a look at what I found. I dunno if it's exactly what yer lookin' for, but… well, it sure beats most 'a the crap-stacks we've seen."

It was a rather small stone house, built into a small hillside. All around it were heaps of old boards; the ruins of other buildings. There was a thin forest surrounding the whole area.

"It ain't fancy, but it's sturdy," Rick offered.

"Bit small, though, don't you think?" asked Wheatley. "I mean, compared to that other place." He stared at the dark opening for a moment. "…What if there's something awful in there?" he asked in a hushed voice. "Like… skeletons. Or birds. Or screaming ghosts…"

"Fact: Ghosts do not exist."

"You said that about space, too, mate. Not true at all! I was there! Kind of hurts your credibility a bit, if I'm honest."

Craig glared at him and looked over to Rick.

"…Nah, can't help ya with that one. Ghosts're out there, pal." Rick grinned widely.

Chell rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"The Adventure Sphere is ridiculous in every way."

"You won't be sayin' that when a ghost flies through ya!"

Chell shrugged and walked up to the house. She stepped over a heavy wooden door that had fallen off its hinges, and the others followed cautiously.

There were four rooms, all filthy and full of debris. In the center was a large fireplace. There was a small opening from it into three of the rooms, and the fourth had a large access point to it. The chimney rising up the middle had a few stones missing, and the top had come off. The walls were in pretty good shape, though one of the rear window frames had collapsed. A tree had fallen to lean against the house, though it hadn't broken through.

"I mean, it's a fixer-upper, fer sure. But it's a strong little thing."

Chell nodded slowly, looking around. It would take a lot of work. But any place that was ready to live in immediately… wouldn't be safe. She turned to the androids and nodded decisively.

They spent days just clearing the junk from the house. There was trash, splintered wood, twisted bits of metal, shattered glass, broken furniture, and empty bullet shells. Chell took pause at these, but there was no sign that anyone had been in the area recently.

At last, the house was clear enough to walk around.

"Well it's not what you'd call fancy… but I guess it's better than nothing," Wheatley said, dusting his hands off. "Um… it's a bit small, though. Are you sure there's room for all of us?"

Silence descended.

"Fact: Inviting oneself to LIVE with another person without being asked is EXTREMELY rude," Craig said, frowning.

"Sure is," growled Rick. "We gotta find our own… places to live."

The frowned at each other bleakly.

Chell picked up her pencil. She rolled it over in her fingers a few times, then wrote, 'I'd like it if you stayed. There isn't much room, but you're welcome here. If you want.'

"We could help ya out around here," Rick said quickly. "Get this place all nice fer ya. Kick some ass if any lowlifes come around."

"The Fact Sphere is extremely useful."

"Oh, luv, that'd be tremendous! Just really great! You're sure?"

'It's good to have company.' She paused. 'And it makes life easier.'

"…Better all around," Rick mumbled. Chell nodded, smiling a little.

0

Not long after they had patched the little house up into acceptable condition, Chell went outside with a broken screwdriver and began to scratch at a big rectangular stone in the front wall.

"Hello!" Wheatley, more than the other two, was often underfoot, and always curious about the things she did. She looked up and smiled briefly. "…Rick and Craig are off in the woods getting firewood. They told me to stay here." He sighed forlornly.

Her smile widened a bit, though she nodded sympathetically at him.

He craned his neck to see around her. "What've you got there, luv?"

Chell had scratched a slightly smaller rectangle inside the large one, and was now making a circle near the middle.

"…Oh! You drew me at your old place, are you doing that again?"

She paused and tipped her head, then shook it. She pointed to him, and to the ground.

"I'm here? You're right, luv, here I am, good ol' reliable Wheatley, always here, whenever you're looking for me."

She nodded patiently, then pointed to the wall and shook her head.

"…So… not me, then."

Nod.

"Oh. I see. Doesn't really resemble me anyway, since you say so. Not at all. Um… If I'm honest… it ALMOST… looks just a tiny bit like… like Her. You know…"

One more decisive nod, and she went back to scratching into the stone.

"…Wait, it IS? You're drawing HER? HERE!? Why the bloody – I mean, not to question your reasoning or anything, but why would you want HER picture on your house? Just the thought of it gives me the willies!"

Chell turned to look at him. She pointed to herself, to him, and over into the trees to indicate the other two androids. She gestured at his mouth. She spread her arms and looked around.

"Um… I suppose so… I don't know, though, I think She just wanted to get you out of Her hair, and didn't really care about us."

She shrugged and gave a half-nod, but pointed again to his mouth.

"…Well… you're right… She certainly didn't have to do that. Pretty decent of Her, really. Though she DID mention it was kind of a punishment for you. Er." He grinned apologetically.

Chell smirked and shrugged.

"Still… Can't say I like Her picture there…"

The smirk turned into a stony frown.

"Your choice, of course!" he said hurriedly. "All totally up to you! Nevermind me. It's your house and all. I'll just… try not to look at it."

Deep in the facility, GLaDOS pulled back slowly from the small monitor placed up high. "Well, we can add 'artist' to the list of occupations the lunatic can never aspire to," she murmured to her two crows and the shiny new crow robot she had built. The living crows were highly suspicious of it, and kept their distance.

She lowered her core down to a larger screen that was split into multiple sections. It showed numerous pairs of cores testing. She watched for a moment before turning on the speakers.

"I would just like to point out that my two testing robots were far more successful than any of you, from the day they were calibrated," she mused. "…And also, that my Artificial Personality Construct Cooperative Testing Initiative control group proved much more adept at cooperation than any of you. I wonder why. It can't be the human's presence, because they each managed to succeed even when paired with another core. Possibly the level of corruption? There's an interesting theory that I'll have to try out… if you ever manage to complete THIS simple test. Or perhaps it was having a larger goal to aim for. Hm. Well, anyway, it seems you need some MORE time to reflect on your failures. You DO have so many of them…"

A military android with a core head had already thrown the Morality Sphere into an endless portal loop. The Intelligence Sphere was frequently shouted into a corner by a very angry android with no leg joints. The Curiosity Sphere's partner had left her behind at every opportunity, because she was far more interested in trivial objects around the chamber.

The Emotion Sphere actually seemed to be working well with its current partner, the Doubt Sphere in a mobilization unit with android arms. Emotion purred and whined and rubbed against the other sphere whenever they paused. However, just before Doubt could step through the final portal, Emotion spun on her and snarled savagely, bumping her backwards over the edge of a pit and growling bitterly after her.

"Hm…" GLaDOS mused to herself as she watched. She turned to Blue and Orange, who stood nearby. "You could learn something from that core."

P-body gurgled and danced back and forth. Atlas blipped uncertainly, then spun around. They both fiddled cheerfully with their paperclip chains.

"Hopeless. Just hopeless."

GLaDOS watched the cores form and break alliances. It took time, but many of them grew quite skilled at testing.

Just as She'd predicted, before long the Intelligence Core found a port and quickly plugged herself in. The shock program kept electrifying her long after she'd yanked herself out.

The seasons changed outside. The human and androids gathered wood and hunted animals and often stayed huddled inside to keep warm. They stoked the fire constantly, and kept each other amused. They played games and told stories. They tried to carve things out of wood, with varying levels of success. Chell tried to speak more frequently, but could only manage inarticulate grunts and humming. They tried not to let each other get on their nerves too much. Chell, Craig, and Rick spent part of each day outside, mainly just to get some time to themselves. Wheatley didn't have any such need.

When the snow began to melt, the androids marveled at how quickly flowers and shoots sprang out of the ground. Chell was busy showing them which plants were edible, and where animals were most likely to be found. She cautioned them never to take too much of anything, in case it never came back. Craig and Rick only needed to be told once. Wheatley kept bringing back huge armloads of food that she often couldn't eat before it spoiled.

Once a massive creature like a three-legged spider walked past, at least forty feet tall. It stopped at the smell of wood smoke, and turned towards the little house. Chell froze as she watched it from the window, waving urgently for the others to be ready. It took one step towards them.

Without warning, a yellow beam shot down from the sky and zigzagged back and forth. The beast roared in agony and collapsed.

(Up in space, the Space Core panted and wheezed and babbled incoherently)

The four stayed inside for a whole day, just watching the monstrous corpse. Finally they all went out to investigate, arming themselves as well as they could. Chell had bought a new, larger knife in the city two days' journey from the house. Craig had a cast iron fire poker. Rick had found a large axe in the woods. And Wheatley clutched a rusted golf club. Chell led the little group cautiously up to the huge body. The smell was still faint, but it was worse than rotting meat. Chell made a face.

Rick crept around and prodded a cannon on the thing's back. "What the hell is it?" he breathed.

Craig was poking at its hairy exoskeleton, frowning deeply. "…Fact not found," he muttered.

"Nasty piece of work is what it is," Wheatley growled, hitting the creature with his golf club. "You're just lucky you're dead, mate! Wouldn't want to be in your shoes if you had to face us!" He suddenly cringed back. "It IS… dead, isn't it? Not just stunned? Do you think? I mean, I wouldn't want it to just… wake up…"

"The unidentified… creature… is CLEARLY deceased," Craig said. He walked around to its back and bent closer to the charred gashes. "An intense laser beam was employed to kill it."

"There're some folks out there with some pretty weird machines, but I ain't seen NOTHIN' that strong since…" Rick trailed off and glanced off into the wheat field.

Chell nodded, following his gaze. Then she looked back at the monster and sighed.

"Know what you mean, luv," Wheatley said sympathetically. "Now it'll just sit there forever, getting in the way. Quite an eyesore, really. And doesn't half stink up the place. Any chance we could move it somewhere else?"

Chell frowned slightly and gave one leg an experimental tug. It didn't budge.

"'Scuse me, darlin', let ol' Rick give it a try." The android heaved at the leg, and with his mechanical strength, he managed to pull it enough to make the body rock a bit. "Damn," he grunted. "Thing's heavier than it looks."

Each of the androids grabbed a leg, and together they managed to pull it a few inches.

"Fact: Dividing a heavy load into multiple parts will make its transport 84% easier."

"Sounds like a plan!" Rick hefted his axe.

Once it was cut into pieces, the legs were easy to haul off and push down into a gorge that flooded when it rained. The body, however, was incredibly dense, and they stood staring at it for a while.

"That shell it's got ain't easy to hack to bits," Rick said, frowning.

"Can't seem to manually override it," Wheatley muttered thoughtfully.

"Wild strawberries are not truly strawberries, and are actually quite tame," Craig said with a twitch, and shook himself.

Chell finally shrugged, and gestured for them to leave it. They spent the day hunting and gathering food, firewood, and fresh water. Now and then, Chell would look up at the sky. A few clouds floated lazily across the sky, and she saw nothing out of the ordinary.

They were off in the woods when the air hummed and something exploded. Chell raced back to the house, which was splattered with gore. So was the rest of the area. The place where the spidery-creature's body had lain was now a smoldering crater.

"What the hell happened?" Rick growled as he ran up.

"What's going – AAAAAHHH!" Wheatley cringed back. "Augh! What IS all this? What happened?" He backed away, and didn't notice the pile of ooze behind him until he had slipped in it and fallen on his back. "Ohhhhh, that's disgusting. That's worse than old conversion gel," he moaned.

Craig kept his distance, but gestured questioningly up at the sky. Chell nodded slowly and shrugged.

It took Wheatley a while to clean up, especially because he was afraid of the water. But finally, Chell convinced him that washing his clothes, and a wipe-down with a damp cloth, would be far less deadly than keeping the goo all over him. Also, she wouldn't let him inside until he was clean enough for her standards.

A massive thunderstorm that night washed the monster's innards off the house, and mostly out of the field. The four fell into a strange sense of normalcy.

One nice day, Chell went out alone. She usually took at least one android with her, but today she made them stay behind. She walked out into the vast wheat field, carrying her pack.

It was easy to lose one's way in all the wheat, but Chell kept walking in the same direction for hours, orienting herself by the position of the sun and trees. As she walked, she plucked a few stalks of wheat and wove them into a small wreath.

The shed was just as she'd left it: Standing tall, alone among the grain, slightly rusted… It looked fragile and lonely from the outside. But there was the tiny camera, hanging under the eaves. She walked up to it slowly, and looked into the optic lens. Then she set her wheat wreath on the concrete pad just outside the door. She fished in her pack and took out a small carving.

Over the winter, when she'd decided to practice her woodcarving, the androids had wanted to try as well. Wheatley had nearly lost a few fingers, and Craig had managed to make a few decent spoons, but Rick had shocked her when he began to carve figures. They were rough, but clearly recognizable, and quite a few now decorated the house. There were more waiting to be traded in town. It had gotten Chell thinking, and she tried her hand at a few more complicated shapes.

It was a doe. She had originally thought to carve a stag, but the antlers had proven too difficult, so she broke them off and scraped the head smooth. The skinny legs had been a challenge, but she was satisfied with the end result. The important thing was that it was a deer. Rick had carved a better one, but this one was hers, and that mattered. She paused, looking it over one last time, and set it neatly in the middle of the wreath.

She looked at the camera again for a long moment. The red light that would have shown that it was recording had been broken.

Chell smiled, touched the side of the camera, and disappeared back into the wheat.

After ten minutes, there was a clanking sound. The door opened slowly, and Atlas and P-body crept out. They had been here before. Many times. But they still chirred and beeped excitedly. Atlas gently picked up the figurine, and P-body took the wreath. They then returned to the elevator. The door closed behind them.

GLaDOS stared down at the gifts.

"…She is, after all, a lunatic," she said in a distracted voice. But she called softly to her crows, and they flew down to her core. They took the items from the robots, and followed GLaDOS as she stretched up to her small monitor up near the ceiling. The wreath was draped over the corner, and the figurine was set very carefully on top. GLaDOS looked at them for a moment. The monitor showed that Wheatley was wandering around behind the house talking to himself, Fact and Adventure were sitting on the roof watching the field, and the Companion Cube sat serenely by the fireplace. If she strained the Space Core's satellite eye, she could just make out a small shape moving through the open field. Away from Science. Back to her life.

* * *

**Whew, that was long, and went all over the place. And I'm happy with that. Thanks for reading! All the comments, questions, and art have been great. I don't plan to continue this, although there may be shorter offshoots at some point in the future… or not. Any questions, comments, concerns, hopes, dreams, or aspirations? I'm always up for those…**


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